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November 2007*

If only I have felt this before
My life would be worth livin' for
Tranquility kills me slowly
Yet I keep on movin’ silently

If only I have been strong
This won’t take long
I know I’m not that brave
To leave diaries on the grave

If only I have saved you
Anythin' between us will do
If only I knew my worth
You must been here back 'n' forth

If only I have taken one step away
I might have been with you until this day
I found myself goin' back to you
Cos I have fallen for you too

If only the rain has come again
Bathed my fears to regain
Told me what to do
Begged me to stay, not to let go

If only I thought, things would be the same
People I thought safe to play with
It was just indeed worth everything
If only I have done something
*for my very first muse-- who inspired me a lot to write what I feel
13 November 2012*

I needed a break to figure out,
Everythin’ moves in a roundabout.
I don’t know what I did now,
It's just easy for you to leave somehow.

The words you said, how cruel those were
I can’t believe; I’m hearin' it up here.
I’m tryin' to be okay, to be alright
But real emotions stay to mix 'n' fight.

Never thought it hurts so bad,
I can’t get over you even if I had.
You’re givin' me a broken heart,
After all we’ve been through apart.

I always thought— you’d be the one
But baby, now you’re gone.
I’m gettin’ weak ‘n’ wicked too
My heart is constantly dying for you

It’s not what that doesn’t **** me,
That makes me stronger at all.
It’s your love against all odds,
But there’s no longer a love like that.
13 November 2012*

Said you’d never leave me,
Whilst lookin’ at the horizon we can’t see.
Still— I believe your words fairly
As you’ve spoken it to me clearly

Here we are standin’ in front of each other
Oblivious, we only make things harder
You’ve packed your bags, spared nothin’
Just like that, you robbed me of everythin’

I can’t fully stand to this setup,
Feels like this love wasn’t enough
We’ve suffered in silence for long,
Now it’s time to rewind the song

But this last kiss you blow,
Like a gust of wind, I need to let go.
No matter how I wanted you to stay,
Just like water, you’ll find a way.

At the station, waitin’ for your train
Feels like winter in November rain
Change is hard, but we gotta learn
As wood on fire will surely burn
21 November 2012 *

We see it fallin' down like an old tower
Took it for granted, all b'yond our power
We never saved it, thought t’was b'yond repair
But the next things took us unprepared

I want to begin again, despite the worry
By sayin', I’m wholeheartedly sorry
For bein’ so coward and disdain
I know it costed you so much pain

I want to begin again, as long as it takes
By acknowledgin' these simple mistakes
And hope you’d forgive 'n' forget
These faults are mine alone to regret

I want to begin again, after all
Like the first time we met last Fall
T’was fated, but still feels surreal
T’is heart— hope will mend ‘n’ heal

I want to begin again, like this
When we have no one to diss
Like the last time we met in the house
When all the anger ‘n’ aches arouse

I want to begin again, without a clue
By bein' honest, simple, and true
B’cause they don’t know about us
Our nightmares turn from dreams to dusts

My lips tell it’s no joke to me
Take a look into my eyes and you’ll see
Can we do it all over again, minus the pain?
B’cause I just want us to begin again
Don't we just want to begin again, sometimes? x
4 February 2014*

Every day, I stood b'fore this path of concrete
I walk miles and miles away in discreet
The pain— I drag all along the way
It doesn’t matter if I am not okay

Sometimes, the wind would assault me
Some other times, the rain takes its toll
Day and night, I leave them be
It’s always same, , I got to roll

This is a two-way street: I’m tryin’ to find you
You— tryin’ to hide. The sky has never been so blue
As it turns silver ‘n’ black like bruises in your arms
You never told me, love like poison harms

I lift my head and gaze at the distance
Turn back, to the track I cover at that instance
My mind wants one more step, never give up
My heart stops, be content, I’ve done enough

I look up to see the stars glowin' like big eyes
Watchin’ over me, listenin’ to my dead cries
Your silent treatments I cannot withstand
How I wish, things were different in my hand

But I’m no longer holdin' on to those days
I never had a chance b'fore I can
This highway is long, a windin' abyss
I’m caught in despair like a lonely man
Sometimes, we get lost in our journey: detours, dead ends, downhills, etc. But, its those setbacks and challenges that makes life worth living. It’s the journey that counts, not the destination after all. We have to find our little paths to pave greater roads for others. It’s not easy to take the less travelled, but in the end, one will understand why streets and highways have names. Have faith and courage, traveller! —L
12 March 2014*

You didn’t just jumped off from—
That building like some falling debris
You were a piece of a bigger puzzle,
That needs to be solved
Cordoned by the yellow line
Bathed in redness of sorrow
I keep lookin’, I keep askin’
But you closed your eyes
And forever vowed for silence

We are our plates ‘n’ glasses
At some point, we’re gonna break
Into a thousand bits ‘n’ pieces of—
What we’re made, the little things
Unreasonably brittle ‘n’ razor sharp
So when they collect us, pull us together
It hurts, pain cuts through the insides
Bleeding like old wounds
Left untreated ‘n’ cared for

You’re a fallen star, so distant ‘n’ cold
You should’ve talked to me,
I would’ve listened anyways.
But you chose not to–
I can only guess from the signs,
You’ve left me my friend.
Don’t you worry, the universe
Conspires with me and together
We will solve the mystery
Of your short life.

I feel you, every time I pass this place
I remember how you draped the road
Your pale arm peekin' under the white cloth
The rain may have washed,
The footprints that bore your mark
But in my mem’ry, I see you—
Crystal clear from the first light of the day
Inside the eye of the storm
Trapped. Never to get out

Stars fall every day, we just don’t see it
The light is too intense, for our eyes
But it doesn’t matter, maybe
Its time has come to inspire
A hopeless man that I’ve become
I find it hard to accept
Every night when I close my eyes
That my courage has to come
From shooting stars ‘n’ falling objects
Don't let hopelessness eat you up. Face it and give a ******* fight! —L
14 March 2014*

There are nights when I find,
Myself alone under your grace
Your presence carved
In my surroundings
I’m lost again.
Why do I never learn?
When you always
Show me the way

Nothing is dark enough
At this night with you
I can’t be afraid
Up there, you’re just
Watching me over
Until the first light
Of dawn rises
Inside of me

This journey along
The dark and long night
Sail through the sea
Of charcoal clouds and
Fish for the stars
Anchor in the moon
And just like that–
Awed by the mixture
Of dreams and nightmares
The beauty of contrast
Of beautiful and grim
The two sides
Of the story

Short days and
The nights are long.
We found each other's
Loneliness, let’s not—
Put it in the heart.
You’re not alone,
Hold my hand as you
Guide me to safety.
You’re my direction
My north star
Briefly inspired by a song of the same name written by a high school classmate & friend. —L
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