I wasn’t even the same
Not in shape or size
I was different
In color and my thighs

I wasn’t similar to her
And definitely not them
I was an anomaly
A flawed and broken gem

I wasn’t that important
Or essential to the game
I was just the sidecar
So why treat me the same?

Last night I realized
The pages that we wrote
Weren’t the same
Mine had more words
With swirls in the margins
Yours had lines and dots with breaks
I looked closer
It wasn’t even the same book
Did we write in the same language?
I tried to read your paragraph
I stuttered through with tears
Then stopped abruptly
When I noticed
There were other books in the library

Suddenly
i feel small
Like The World Grew
i don’t know
The Difference
Between Right
                 and wrong
i only know acceptance
And Rejection
Scared of Emotion
wanting so much
Hearing
Not You
Not Yet
Not This
Not Now
                  NOT

I was waiting and watching
Spying on your mood
You wandered directionless
I saw your script as boring
Was it hope that kept you around
Or just a whim in the sheets
Perhaps a novelty of notion
That snuck upon the mind
Aimless shots were used
With pointless games to all
I knew about it sooner
Than the later was my mistake
I’m sure it’s why you scurried
To other shores or floors
I saw through your muck
And the bovine night soil
That you fed to the masses
For insecurity you hide
Or the adopted bravado
Are obvious deflections
For the damaged soul inside

I’ll take your gleanings
Anything that you show
Laughter is my medicine
So I’ll catch what you throw

I sought for understanding
In words that you spoke
There was usage in denial
And whimsy in your joke

I knock on your door
While standing by your side
Searching for answers
Within your moodish tide

When you reach out
I shift my perspective
Putting thoughts in the grave
To appear I’m receptive

I keep some of me hidden
Because I’m frightened of you
You can render those gleanings
Then leave without a clue

Will you awaken me again
Or cast me to pasture
As you seek greener fields
For another to capture

But take your gleanings
Anything that you give
Put it in my heart
So that I might live