I wish you had changed your mind and realized that you can’t just leave when you want

When the smoke clears you'll look around at the ashes
And miss the things that you pushed away
But then it’s too late
And all that’s left are memories and an ash tray


You like to hide your problems
Like they're toys that you don’t wanna share
I guess why it's hard
To leave you there
And then walk away
on with my day

Now i am walking and i'm thinking about this path
I've walked it a thousand times before
And yet somehow every time that i come back
The trees are dying
just a little more
And if i could rescue you
I would help rescue you
I am staring
At a fire
Destroying my whole house
Trying to put it out with water in my hands
And I’m standing here and I
cant stop crying
And you're standing there like you don't understand

Shivers run down my spine
The stairs creak as I walk up to my room
My teeth chatter and I’m sure my lips are blue
So I pause at the top stair and decide to walk back down
I get to the fireplace and throw in a few matches
Much better I think to myself
I sit by the fire till the sleepiness shuts my eyes

I wake to the smell of burning
Flames leap and dance all around me
My eyes light up at the fiery tongues
And as the house burns I stand in the storm of heat
I am engulfed by the flames and as I go I smile , for I know I will never be cold again

We went to get ice cream
And I said I was full
You made a face but you let it go
This place used to be my favorite you know


I don’t want you to stop me
But I want you to care
Does that make me bad?
I want it to matter


I know you know that I need help
I know you hear my silent cries
But you put on headphones
You block me out

You made another mistake .
My friends all ask me why I put up with you
And I tell them I don’t know
But I do know

I put up with you because you are laying on the earth on a kids playground in the rain
You are driving in my car with the windows down and the music loud
You are making cookies and laughing because you put too much salt
You are kissing in the forrest
You are sitting in the grass and looking at clouds
You are falling asleep in my room while my favorite record plays
You are all of these things but I don’t know how to explain that
So I shrug and change the subject

I remember standing where I am now
Looking at the little girl in the yellow sweatshirt
Whose haircut you make fun of now
I remember

She flashes before my eyes then is replaced by you
Her , three years later
This time there is no yellow
This time I cannot see the colors
My eyes are clouded by your cigarette smoke
Your eyes are tired and unsatisfied
They shift around and I wonder what you are afraid of

This room hasn’t changed
But we have

I cannot write down my thoughts
Their colorful bodies
Dance in my mind
And refuse to leave

I wish you could see
How beautiful it is
Here in my tired mind
Brought to life only by
The few words that leave my lips

I am a body unequipped for this soul

As my head hits the pillow I remember
I’m in love with a girl who needs a lighter to feel
It hurts seeing her ache during every fleeting moment of sobriety
I watch her in the in between and realize this is how it works
She can’t go with out it
I can’t do what the liquor can
I can’t compete
It’s selfish, I know, to be angry at her
I try to understand, I really do
And I want to help
She is slipping out of my grasp
A weak branch is the only thing stopping her from falling off that cliff
And at any moment she could decide
It’s not worth it to hold on
Every time I see her I am filled with relief
And also regret
I know I will never be enough to make this go away
I wish I was enough
My thoughts look like angry scribbles on a torn sheet of paper
They are written in another language and so I decide
That’s enough thinking for tonight
And I go to sleep