its midnight again and i've been staring at the darkness
the same thing like every night before
i come downstairs with every intention of starting
but why bother if its never worked before

the volume inside my head is astounding
as i sit in the quietest of rooms
i can't help myself from sabotaging everything
i can't help it, im a fool

its been years
the groundhogs day of thoughts race through my head
i come downstairs with the best of intentions
i can't help myself from sabotaging everything

i can't help it

your mood dictates the day
multiple days
it lingers
muted

I've created a story of perfect colors
but you seem to find the flaw, the cracks

you feel forced sometimes

i'm afraid to admit
i've become addicted to the pain
try shattering this mundane routine
that i've become too afraid to change

there it is
that shine
a sign it will be a great day
fingers crossed

the sun is out today
a chill october tuesday
breath it in
and for a second i am still
for a second i'm a feather
breath it in
the world can disappears
calm
even in the darkness
the colors are as vibrant as i remember

i can dream or wake up if i choose
the chipping paint reveals the past
silence witness to the years gone by way too fast
and as it crumbles memories flash
the echo's fill a room so vast
nostalgic pauses
pretend the present isn't waiting

hello hannah
a reminder that these dogs of war won't sleep
we wont see eye to eye on this
i get it
why bother blinking when you're know ill be right there at the end of it

hello hannah
we were good once
those days filed with smiles
neglected, forgotten, cast aside
so easy, too easy

hello hannah
till we meet again
ill be right here

i can't hold you anymore
the smoke has cleared but the damage remains
if i broke both my hands
id still reach out for you
but i fear in this moment
id be grasping the air

At forty
burdened by sorrow's weight,
Innocence fades, tears permeate.

Hope whispers, a gentle embrace,
Guiding you through life's somber space.

this man is playing drums on youtube
RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS - DANI CALIFORNIA
i'm transfixed
i'm watching a man play drums on youtube
190,000 views since it was uploaded
TODAY?!
this man is playing dumms
he's passionate
making a living
this man is playing drums on youtube
this man is the will never work a day in his life
this man is free

shadows whispers
truth dies
dream a lie long enough
quickly becomes reality
deceit twist through the night
born from absence of the light

in a garden of anguish,
madness takes hold
dream a lie long enough
dark undertones

lost with nowhere left to go
wrote a note but failed
oh what a mess
thought it could end with one button press
maybe there's a reason I've been denied

still lost
beat down soul
the rattle in my hand
woke up in a hospital bed
with doctors and loved ones around my head

crooked smiles
failed again

the skeletons in my closet laugh at me
they've been there for years
to say they know all my secrets is an understatement
they can destroy me

i can keep them quiet
i've build so many rooms in my mind
some don't even know of the others exist
its a real mess

but sometimes, i visit
to see them makes them real
makes me remember that gut-wrenching
the days of tears that follow

they are my sentence and my salvation
they are the blood in my veins
the thoughts in my mind
they are who i am and who i'll continue to become

we watched another sunrise from the shoreline
with whispers

try to understand
witness the violence
the flow of memories break when the bombs go off
interruptions
forced to grow up quickly
understand where its coming from
its a big deal all the time
shocked and adjust to the changes
what are you looking for

look at me
look me in they eyes
i am not your savior
you've confused our friendship
for something much more than what i can provide
and for that
i am truly sorry

i stood and waved
as i watched you fly
the stars collide
and stardust becomes glitter
you shine
and breathless
we all take a step back

its hard to get my mornings started
but mondays are mondays
and and my brain know it
so ill pretend its a tuesday
even though i have mondays off

a memory flooded back to me today
unexpectedly
it was nice
like chicken soup on a chilly day

you know the one

its been fifteen years since we last spoke
our paths just
parted
a shame

was it a shame?

it seems to me our one way street forked at some point
i went left while you, stood, still
you wanted to follow, you told me as much
how long did you stand there?

are you still standing there?

neither of us have much presence online
no way to peak into each others lives
to slide in, to say hello
it must have been for the best

was it?

one day we should meet again
remember the old times
catch up on the the new
as familiar strangers

one day
i wonder how long it will be

i can't believe
you confused my caring tenderness
with selfish lies

we had morning kisses
then they land on your cheek
one quick year later
goodbye morning kisses
how much less can you choose to not give?
the answers may surprise me

bend
watch them all decay
structured endless shame
it grabs a hold and you cant get away

hate
pretend you have it made
let go of the shame you put up every day
to mask the pain

lie
to better fit you disguise your true life
it seems you're not quite real
and dead inside

fade
you'll never be the same
hold my hand to save yourself
your not quite well, always betrayed

now i see that this place hates despite all my beliefs
even if they're few and far between
existence for me means i'm the one that choses when
pull the trigger, a trigger to an end

my world decides to bend and i will never know if i will ever find myself
its not yet time, but please don't take too long
know that this place has nothing for us
life goes on
life goes on

our best days are gone
but their echoes still persist
long lost melodies
wrapped in thick layers of mist
as I gaze at my childhood ceiling
where my innocence used to reside
i realize
time moves on , no matter how hard we hide

I won't ask again
the night sky starts to blend into the daylight
the worlds on the mend
as sirens ring out their own conclusions

no one cares
as much as they try to lie about it

i wont ask again
are we humanity's greatest villian?
with eyes wide open we all lie while smiling
and pick at scabs that's started scarring

i'm not ok
even when i tell you i am

ive been trying to **** the fly
the one that bites
the one that leave a mark
that ******

its been an hour
attracted to the glow of the screen
I've yet to end it
I've tried, oh have I tried

there was a night when i was young
where its ancestor woke me
i did not sleep that night of nights
till i killed thy

and here we are once again
A humid springish nighty
twenty twenty three in May
ill let you live tonight

i've known but a really long time
and i've accepted it
weather or not i can say it aloud
i've accepted it

i smile at the years
i smile at the memories
its not nothing
its not everything either

the future sometimes feels bleak
running through the paces
home is all i have
hope is all i grasp for

this house is on fire
the telephone ignored, still rings
but the silence
this wildness
i close my eyes
take the life once built
a nexus
we'll explain
ill keep up the faced
for them
for them

for them.

likes sought, souls forgot
virtual worth, shallow plot
truth in connections, happiness can be real
likes fade, authenticity's zeal

when i was a teenager
i knew i would live forever
now
i sit here writing poetry

i sit here writing poetry

the music
soul speakng
is covered by new bands
covering the classics

covering the classics

reactions to the classics
by uneducated streamers
covering the classics

i'm about to combine my hobby, passion and career into one
the job that keeps food on my table
my kids table
i'm horrified

where are they
you know the ones
with smiles so tight it causes their face to crack
the pretty-evil
while others walk the razors edge
they've dulled it

i can hear a faint alarm in the distance
and a clapping at a wedding by a pool
the faded sound of the moment, fantastic
as airplanes carry humans kissing the night sky

they say to delete social media from our phones
i threw out the phone today
no one needs be reached at all times
i'm free of my leash

this permanent scar you've left on my hear
a reminder of mind playing games i've lost

i cant seem to get going today
my todo list gradually gets longer
as i sit here and read over it
where do i begin?

i'm still sitting here
staring at the words
but not reading them
my mind isn't anywhere else just, blank

i'm still sitting here
now the list is gone
its been two hours
it'll be two more

soon the day will end
with very little accomplished
ill go to bed
rest is not deserved

the distraction isn't working anymore
time fly's when you're having fun
but when minuets feel like hours
the years are an eternity

infinity, scary

so smile for me
to show me
your happy in your own skin
so smile for me
and i will see
your star shining so brightly
the only thing ill ever need
is your star shine smile for me
and all the rest comes in between
the love that you share with me

wake me when my time has come
i cannot breath anymore
to take my place among the rest of the clones
wake me when my time has come
i cannot take this anymore
this life i've been dealt hold more pain than has ever before

i couldn't find my phone today
i could have made its whereabouts known with a simple ring
but i left the house anyways
i've unintentionally disconnected

what a great day

Fluttering butterfly, delicate and light,
In its grace, victory takes flight.
I reach out, but it slips away,
Defeated, I watch it fade astray.

Title

i'm worth it more in pieces than i ever was when i was one
a poor excuse for a human being

you've ask me to pray with you
but your god isn't listening
look around
we, make our own fortunes
we, carve our own paths
we, sleep in the beds we've made
we, dig our own graves

bills pile up
accounts are dry
streets keep calling
tents, the new real estate

Mind adrift, thoughts untwine,
Sanity fades
I lose my mind

or do I

What is lost can be found
but finding madness is never a simple task

wretch

I've absolved myself

Saint

is that how its works?
its that easy

ask for forgiveness and all is forgiven
is it not?

Saint
All is forgiven

and forth i walk
and carry thy
one path one track one footprint

Jesus is no where to be found
it is me
it is I that carry's thy

i don't like balconies
i'm not depressed but, suicidal, when standing on a balcony
so i step back in
distance helps

but the option remains
among this gleeful group of people
behind an easily slid glass door
and i can see through it

overly gleeful

am i not as good as them at pretending?
another failure for the list
schizophrenic terrorist
they're not pretending

i don't like balconies
i'm not depressed but, suicidal, when standing on a balcony

virtual world
worth is sold
souls pursues likes
heart grows cold
authenticity fades
masks become norm
connection lost
amidst the swarm