another tuesday
our reality to bend and fold
some bend to dead ends  
we learn to live with it

i've taken pictures all my life
a stolen moment in time
we reminisce about those days
when everything just felt right

i've taken pictures all my life
i've taken one today
i wonder how this one will be remembered
some moments are meant to be forgotten

the horizon goes dark
the storm comes in
its rains washes the dirt
but the grime remains
behind your smile you lie
don't ask me what i think of you
you wont get the answer you desire
i can't be your gentleman

where do you go to lay your head and cry
where do you feel safe enough to bare your soul
and never question why
there are many places in my mind where i can feel the greatest joy
i hope there are place in your mind
or you can come and share in some of mine

i find myself alone today
i can plan my day how i see fit
a rarity these days
but i wont get anything accomplished

i'll just float downstream
the slow current takes me to where i need to be
nothing planned in advance
i'll end up where i'm needed

but today its not a stream
but a calming peaceful lake
i'm alone here too
ill float in place

i guess no one need me

it isn't a race
but it is a competition

you know what keeps me up at night
and what it takes to fall asleep
it angers you
i'm in control
i don't need your help
you hardly offer it these days
you still claim to be on my side
but tomorrow ill wake up to an empty home
as lullabies drift away

i was too young to care
i'm old enough now to never forget
i miss you

i know that you're dying
pretending wont stop the crying
we hide it deep down inside
the messages can't be diminished
anything for you
i know you're dying

i've never written in a journal
is it like talking to yourself
but writing it down?
don't we do that already?
now were keeping a record?
i don't know how real it will be here
a smattering, an over abundance
none, all
i don't even know
the truth lies somewhere in between
if you trust what i'm saying

i watched you burn
pathetic fool when will you learn
this life isn't catered just for you
isn't that a shame

open the front door to your freedoms
a step away but always out of reach
you were only meant to believe you could grasp at nothing
and produce something of yourself

the road turns slightly up ahead
then forks
i've taken the wrong path many times before
i've convinced myself over the years
that there is no "right" way
just my way
no matter how wrong that way is

there it is
that shine
a sign it will be a great day
fingers crossed

dive in deep ends
and abolish
an weaker life
so dishonest
a toothless grin
for deadly departed
a blackout stare
oblivion

i feel a third perspective
rising from my core
does it bring, the glimmering
or bitterness, unbecoming
wake up at the very end
the race was lost so long ago
why does it seem, like no one cheers
victims to a higher calling
dissociate to shields the vitals
muting the screaming hordes
with it it brings, the bittering
a conscious effort to mask all things

i've become something new
brace yourselves
its a new day floating in space
feel the sunlight

cut the death branches
prune the over growth
dig deep, the roots need attention
clear away the rot
take a breath
and another
and another
hold
a little forced smile
it'll come naturally next time

all the links in my chain
are the weakest

i feel fine now
just, fine
and that's alright
life, designed to bring me down
i've designed
but im alright

it must be hard
to sit in front of a couple and listen to their problems
how do you put yourself in their shoes
how do you live a life
and come out the other end
how do you live a relationship
for years
FOR YEARS
and steer their ship
school?
studies?
the problems grow deep
roots reach the core and suffocate
20 years distilled into hour chunks

interesting

i want to be better
but i can't fix impossible

go ahead
pick up your rocks
aim for my head
pray you have luck

go ahead
cast me aside
convince yourself
you have nothing to hide

i wish that i could be like you
i wish that i could see behind their eyes inside their minds
and label them with what i think i would find

i hate that i can hate like you do
i hate that i can label without any thing to prove
i hate that i've become like one of you

when we're young
we look up
and find idols
they shape us
the lift us up
inspire us
anything is possible

but there comes a time
when we realize the fragileness of life
a family member, a friend
a distant life ends
and then one day
all our heroes die
and we morn them as a friend

(cheers to the ones who master chess while we learn to play checkers)

the right was fine
a slight light pinch
and then it was gone
the left has been stinging for hours
i won't sleep tonight
why do i do this?

how awful the past may seems to us in the present
revisiting a memory of a memory like only a memory can provide
the smells
the lights
the shades
the fights
that blue dress you wore once that you spilled wine on that night
or was it purple?
that night we walked and talked for hours
or was it raining?
the memory of memories like photocopies of photocopies
distorting sets in
the colors fade as the shades darken
the blacks and whites all bleed together
becomes static on an old television

i dream
from it i've drawn a shapeless being
colored outside the lines
i did not give it a mouth to speak
but i see its monsters grin

its stood in the backways
it though me how to lie
convinced me loneliness would be my only comfort
i listened
i feel fine

intelligence visits those with the patience to lend their ears
its only fitting you should know you'll never make it out of here
to reconnect on a level of trust, impossible
so far away from mending a broken soul
as you cry over the parts you have sold
this path you've chosen isn't set in stone

nice guys finish last
its the polite thing to do

as the day comes to an end
i never feel more at peace
than the moment right before i fall asleep
to never wake up would be the greatest release

look at me
look me in they eyes
i am not your savior
you've confused our friendship
for something much more than what i can provide
and for that
i am truly sorry

will i
remember those days
when we stayed out late
enjoyed the setting sun
will i
remember to clean off my plate
those waiting here
can't pretend to care enough

all those wasted years
of walking in someone's shoes
a life regret
in a smaller size

i'm having conversations with myself
does the voice inside my head have my best interests at heart
i feel i'm always fighting an uphill battle
and that voice is bringing me down

what is that voice?
is it me?
am i arguing with myself?
is it...are you?

i feel the divide
its not speaking now but when it does i cant control it
it must not be
me

and what of him
in heated conversations he does stop debating at some points
is he conversing with someone else?
who does he consult with?

is someone else in there?!

he's quiet now
the both are
they all are?

lost with nowhere left to go
wrote a note but failed
oh what a mess
thought it could end with one button press
maybe there's a reason I've been denied

still lost
beat down soul
the rattle in my hand
woke up in a hospital bed
with doctors and loved ones around my head

crooked smiles
failed again

i didn't cause these issues
they were always right there
before my time
i was just in the wrong place
when you decided to act on them

motionless
hid in the shadows of arrogance
a life snapped into life on a whim
the past I found, intolerant

burier him deep
i once remembered but the fog has thickened lately
that memory blown to the sands of time
he had no mind for this anyways

but i remember that walk
it wasn't very long
a dicission was made
and a boy, lost

show me
show me you're wonderful
we've argued till our vocals fry
but haven't moved forward

i picture your immaculate
radiating power
a sight to behold and hold forever
but my minds eye lies to me

i wish
i wish i could yell at you
to tear it off the bone
but it would be too polite

we use to play
but now i'm stalked as pray
and with every hopeful vibe
the pressure rises

you'll tear me down again
as you'll grin through your modesty
i find myself loosing every hand
i've lost what i've never had

At forty
burdened by sorrow's weight,
Innocence fades, tears permeate.

Hope whispers, a gentle embrace,
Guiding you through life's somber space.

id much rather drown you out with silence
than engage in a yelling battle i would surely lose

its midnight again and i've been staring at the darkness
the same thing like every night before
i come downstairs with every intention of starting
but why bother if its never worked before

the volume inside my head is astounding
as i sit in the quietest of rooms
i can't help myself from sabotaging everything
i can't help it, im a fool

its been years
the groundhogs day of thoughts race through my head
i come downstairs with the best of intentions
i can't help myself from sabotaging everything

i can't help it

lets face it
at this point it is what it is
the story is written and buried deep
the final draft summited
a life: published with no revisions

trying to remember where I'm heading
but the past pulls me back in every time
i'm drowning in nostalgia and unanswered questions
the faded ceilings tell my story
but i can't write the ending in time
and ends, always incoming

table for two
we sit down
but dine alone

how do people have the patience to live their lives?
its hard to believe what i see on TV
as real
the world outside, a fake
where do they find the energy and time
to step out of their homes
and smell the roses

I won't ask again
the night sky starts to blend into the daylight
the worlds on the mend
as sirens ring out their own conclusions

no one cares
as much as they try to lie about it

i wont ask again
are we humanity's greatest villian?
with eyes wide open we all lie while smiling
and pick at scabs that's started scarring

we started young and aged together
twenty years blinked
now behind us
but you're much older
the weight of the world
of life and love
the scales cannot calculate
when grapes sour
sweet bitterness
when grapes sour
wine's overpowered

the clear view from our window
now ***** from both sides
no matter how often i clean mine
the view's filtered through the grime

i can't hold you anymore
the smoke has cleared but the damage remains
if i broke both my hands
id still reach out for you
but i fear in this moment
id be grasping the air

its hard to get my mornings started
but mondays are mondays
and and my brain know it
so ill pretend its a tuesday
even though i have mondays off

likes sought, souls forgot
virtual worth, shallow plot
truth in connections, happiness can be real
likes fade, authenticity's zeal

close your eyes
breath
its the only way you'll truly be
in a place that's solely yours