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yndnmncnll Dec 2024
I dug my own grave
Got blood stains on my shirt and wounds on my face
But I got my way out alive
I wanna run away but
I can't help it, I need to be saved

I plead for revenge
Justice is what I seek
Insanity is what displeases me
No wonder why this became a degree burn

This is heaven compared to where I came from
No you're wrong, I'll prove you wrong
This is hell compared to what you did to me

No matter how many perfumes you spray
Your inner self still stinks as it speaks for itself to expose you
Hypocrite and insolent *****! When will you ever learn?
You carry your own cross and blasphemes everyone

What you show is not really who you are, I think
Your kiss is a bittersweet lie
when you called me I remembered your voice
it was thrilling to **** but nah
it was such a waste of time to pull the trigger

I wasted a lot of good bread
traded for unforgettable memories
wasted a lot of tears for a sobered beer

Transitioned from Chao Praya River bridge to London bridge after many years
I left without saying goodbye
I had you chased me like I'm a predator

Found comfort in an abandoned place
Useless for a mansion and well-lit place
Locking in the eyes of my enemy
I'd **** for that when the right time comes

Turned the yard into an office
Planted a tree to hide thy schemes
You meet me now eye-to-eye
I am that same woman born twice

Black and red can end well
For a smoke on the rain
Dead bodies are underneath, 6 feet below the ground
Which happens to be a good fertilizer for trees

You already know I am not on to run trouble
Feisty ***** seems to be the one to talk
Face to face we meet, I ain't fazed, you are

I live with what I have
You use other people to gain what you want to have

I wasted a lot of years for a good time
Ceased to be shackled by thy embrace
Witness is a statue stuck in your office
Wanting for a good time
Snuck in when others are asleep
Anti-depressants comforts me
For it is the only way for me to die for
But that green gown of yours suits you best
Well it **** defines you for having a snake as its design

Poisons swims now within the mainstream of your blood
***** blood now feels like a deja vu
Look what you did to me reflecting now based on what you see

Shattered glasses in expired red wine
Burn thy identity and bury the past
Tactics of ****** is underrated
Which makes my nerves irated
A poem of warning
yndnmncnll Dec 2024
Everybody told me what was so good in "goodbye," Our friendship seems to end, but I can't tell you why. Who are we to try, to break it down, or just let it go?

I know, I know, it breaks your heart. Now I see why we are strangers again. I thought you would remain by my side forever, but no.
yndnmncnll Dec 2024
There are stories too painful to turn into poems.  
Sometimes, they remain just stories,  
until they become mere memories  
and are gradually forgotten.
peyn.
yndnmncnll Dec 2024
Dusk to dawn, you keep draining me,
Chug me up till I’m the whiskey you need.  
I don’t smoke, but I crave cigarettes after ***,  
Smoke then ****—what’s coming next? 
 
But darling, keep it just between us—because secrets are sweeter when I don't kiss and tell.
Baby, you know I can't control this feeling, but I just want to keep it to myself instead.

**** my soul the way you lick my body,
Kiss the **** out of me, I miss your fire.  
The smell of your sweater fuels my desire.  
When I wear oversized tees, I feel your trace,  
Like your touch still lingers, leaving its place.  

It is making you cry every time
You give your love to me this way.  
Saying you’d wait for me to stay,  
I know it hurts you, but it tastes like pleasure in pain.  

And I’m kissing you, lying in my room,
Holding you until you fall asleep.  
And it’s just as good as I knew it would be,  
Stay with me—I don’t want you to leave.  

You intoxicated me with your love so true,
I fall deep into the rabbit hole with you.  
I fall upside down, not on my knees,  
But begging silently for moments like these.  

I might like it oversized on me, 
But underneath, it’s your hands I need.  
Come and be my pillow, soft and true,  
You look so tired, let me baby you.  

In this vanilla twilight beneath pale skies,
Drop-dead gorgeous, you ignite my highs.  
So hot, I needed an espresso shot,  
You’re my craving—are you feeling what I’ve got?    

I’ll touch myself, but no, it’s not the same, 
I love when your arms play their claiming game.  
You’re **** in person, but do you miss me too?  
Does my body haunt the best of you?  

Are you happy? Or does longing remain?
I’ll hold you close, let’s burn in this flame.

Whispered something softly in your ear,  
A daring thought, yet sincere.  
It made you smile, your gaze astray,  
But I said it—it felt right that way.  

Sunsets glow as we roam this foreign town,  
Quiet streets with no one around.  
You laugh, so free, as your dress falls low,  
By the old swings where secrets grow.  

And when you go, I still see you,  
Sunlight painting your face in my rearview.  

Your voice echoes, a melody of choice,  
A love that no force could destroy.  
Snapshots like Brautigan's cherished covers,  
Memories we share as secret lovers.  

And when you're gone, you're still near,  
Sunlight on your face, memories clear.  

Watching the video where water cascades,  
Hair dripping, shadows softly swayed.  
Your body’s grace has me ensnared,  
But it’s your smile—pure, unprepared.  

It’s so sweet, knowing you love me,  
Words unspoken, yet heavenly.  
So sweet, as I run my fingers through your hair,  
A simple joy, beyond compare.  

Now I see you from afar,  
Wonder who you truly are.  
Dreams pull me closer to your light,  
Certain now—you’re just my type.  

Wanting your love to seep into me,  
A tender dream of eternity.  
Touch me with a kiss, soft and slow,  
Tell me it’s real, let the love grow.  

This is where I’m meant to be,  
So sweet, so close, so heavenly.  
Giving you all my love, my entirety,  
Every moment, for eternity.

You make me tremble, lost in your touch,
Moments so vivid, too much is never enough.
But these photos, these glimpses we’ve shared,
Are secrets I wonder if your friends would dare.

Would they see what we’ve captured in light,
Whispered desires born in the night?
Or is this just ours—a truth unspoken,
A bond unbroken, yet daring, yet open?
Would they see our truth, so raw, so deep,  
The love we’ve sown and secrets we keep?  
Or would they judge what they cannot feel,  
A bond so fierce, so vividly real?  

In shadows we meet, where whispers stay,  
A dance of desire till night turns to day.  
Their eyes may wander, their tongues may speak,  
But only we know the love we seek.  

Hold me closer, don’t let this fade,  
In your arms is where I’m made.  
No judgment matters, no words, no shame,  
For we burn brighter than any flame.  

So let them wonder, let rumors fly,  
We’ll rise together, just you and I.  
For in your gaze, I find my truth,  
A love eternal, untouched by youth.  

Let them see what they’ll never know,  
A fire that burns, a love that glows.  
Our secrets safe, our hearts aligned,  
Forever yours, forever mine.
yndnmncnll Oct 2024
Take me back, to where it all began
It was never according to my plan
We met back in twenty-twenty
You had me at hello and lost me at being lowkey
I thought you need me

But that was then,
when i was naive
I lost my faith and it was what I believe
And i thought it was fine
I thought that you were mine

Take me back, to where it all began
I kept recalling everything that I can
But I don't understand
Why you held and let go of my hand

Does it ring a bell?
When you said, I wish you well
I mean well, you seem so happy
Not when you're no longer with me

Fate is where it all began
But it seems distant
It's not you, it's not me
Now who is at fault here?

I want to run away, run away, run away from here
I want to run away, run away, run away from here
Make me disappear, take me away from here
Far away from here

This must be a mistake, seeing you once again like nothing happened
It must be a dream, A dream
I can no longer wake up from,
For you are only here with me now.

Moments lost, suspended in time, Your presence feels both near and far, In this dreamscape, where shadows whisper, I reach out, but you slip through like sand.

Reality’s cruel trick, playing on my mind,
An echo of what was, of what we left behind, Trapped in this endless loop of longing’s brand
Where you and I, forever, stand hand in hand.

You vanished without a trace, but here you are, back like a phantom reborn.
Like a ghost, you returned and now I am torn.

Take me back, to where the stars align
Before the echoes of our past began to chime
Your laughter was my favorite symphony
Now it's just a silent, empty melody.

I wish you well, it's what you said,
But inside my heart, it’s a storm instead.
Our fate began in a distant dream,
Now it's shattered glass, or so it seems.

We blame the stars, we blame the sky,
We can’t see eye to eye.
I wanna run away, run away, run away
But memories chase me, they make me stay.


You are that man I used to love from across the block
yndnmncnll Aug 2024
This year I met the most broken version of my self

The most pitiful version of my soul

And at the same time the bravest, strongest version of my well being
yndnmncnll Aug 2024
You don't have to rub salt in my wounds
Say it to my face
Stand my feet on the ground
Leave my place without a trace

Move on, forget them
Condemn them, or be solemn
For they only gave me misery
Instead of love and mercy

I came back but ran away afterwards
Feeling scared, like the deer in the headlights
I see flashing signs, but it was what I thought it was
But isn't she lovely
Isn't she pretty

What does a pretty girl like you feel
Oh behind that pretty smile, hides the darkest secrets I was afraid to tell
Oh no one wants to know
But I'm too intrigued to show
Hey, I know, I thought it will only take me a while
I felt like I'm dying inside

Mask my pain, only anger remains
Leave thy past behind, they've been blind
But too foolish to mind
Mind games play thy minds
One wants to turn a blind eye, and a numb death
Makes me bleed, make them repent
Hollows are deadly, poison ivy
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