i think.
i think about things to make me feel sick.
because its better than feeling nothing,
and acting like a useless matchstick.

my life isn't as bad as the others,
I just wish that I didn't waste a kind of life they wished to discover,
but i just can help but feel,
that I'm a waste of life, unsatisfied with everything they offer.

wish i was them.
a decent family, maybe i would be better then.
i blame my parents for everything.
why was i born, why was i crying about everything.

cried at thirteen,
but what am i still doing here?
i said i would go,
but someone said "don't you leave us here".

I hate that I grew.
I hate that I wasn't someone that I once knew.
that wasted childhood that went askew,
wish I could try a re-do.

Cold, dark, painful, numb,
tell me why it hurts to be abandoned for being dumb.

I am nothing.
A nothing that is considered a something.
Because being called nothing is considered something,
Something that has no value but indeed is valued for being nothing.