hello there
it's been a while
i haven't spoken to you in a while
and i think it's fair to say i've changed
changing is hard
and not fun at all
but this is proof
that maybe one day
i can come back
and say hello again
to me from then
from me now

I compare my loneliness to the sound of a mourning dove.
It starts low and small, then goes up
It repeats the more each call goes unanswered

Perhaps letting it out, alone and loud
over and over
eases the pain, yet also pokes at the caged creature within
encouraging a festering of wounds.

A mourning dove never seems to be where the other birds are
Because when it calls it becomes all I can hear
It guides me far into the fog, ever elusive
until I finally spot it
high above on a line.

Every time it gets a little easier.
Every time it starts to sound less
like a Gymnopédie No. 1
and more like a Claire de Lune
major key as well as minor
content as well as sorrowful.

It's alone, and it's still singing.

I have no eyes, yet I must see,
The void's dark grip is haunting me.
No longer lost in others’ truth,
I'm swallowed by this empty ruth.

I have no mouth, yet I must scream,
Starved for food, for water, for dream.
Life slips away, cold and stark,
No lips to warm me in the dark.

I have no ears, yet must I hear,
My heart beats pain, my pulse is clear.
They mock, they whisper, they conspire,
Love’s sweet breath will never inspire.

I have no skin, yet I must feel,
No human warmth, no chance to heal.
I can't touch her, though love’s in sight—
Forever lost in endless night.

I earned this status in a very vulnerable and upsetting moment in my life.

Of course, it was exploited and took advantage of. Me.

I served as an inside joke, a clown for others to get a kick out of, free use and laughter for others.

All whilst patronising me! I was oblivious. This, accompanied by other hardships, continued for a ruthless and renting four years, until it ceased.

The joke had gotten old, and they let me be.

More or less, this goes to show what true reality is like. Vulnerability is what monsters prey after! Like a shark huffing the scent of blood underwater, they prowl.

After October
I'm so ready to start over.
I'm so glad we found each other
I'd be lying if I said
That our love was never true
I always knew
Every time I looked at you
I would need no proof
Cause' I saw the truth.

I don't know if this is lipstick or blood
That I wipe from my mouth

Is it mine or yours?

Your fingers intertwined with mine
knuckles red and white

Is this America?

when your face turned blue
and everyone in the room knew
and it's mine
every fault in this **** earth

Then I wipe from my mouth
And I don't know if it's blood or lipstick