It has always been this way
And always will,
History demands it.
Weak minded, downtrodden, ungrateful
Foolish slaves and peasants
We are all that and more
To our emotions.
But while enough strength remains
To raise a hand
We will fight back
Even at the risk of losing everything
The little we have
We will fight back - we must
For no-one should stand
In another's shadow.

You can keep your pyramids
And Hanging Gardens
And statues and temples
And mausoleums and palaces
And museums and Colossus,
It will never be New York in the snow
Or the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul,
No chance of asking a wise man anything here,
But this is my river,
As much as it's anyone's
And it's very humble,
Whisper it,
It's the longest one in the country.
Swans try not to make too much noise
When they take off
And salmon do their best not to jump too high,
People on boats and barges
Only give little waves
And Cathedral bells have to toll the hour
But they try not to intrude on timeless afternoons
Where, whisper it,
Kings and Queens once walked.
And it's where I go everyday to remember you.

The summer is all hey
I'm hot, check me out,
Look at me,
But the winter
Is otherworldly.
With its cold and rain
And sleet and snow
And ice and fog
And frozen mornings
And long dark nights
It's always trying to tell us something more,
That's where the story is.

The crowded silence
As friends leave for home
The clinging whispering passion
The creeping shadows of a moonlit night
Lost in the dying embers of morning.

You gave me flowers too gentle to touch
You loved me that much.

Such thoughts cannot be
For I remember as if it was yesterday
Petals dancing in your eyes
Feeling so safe lost in eternity.

You gave me flowers too sweet to smell
You loved me that much then.

In my blindness
Your smile and grace
Were for all the blind to see
A kiss blown only
For another standing next to me.

You gave me flowers too gentle to touch
You loved me that much.

He doesn't deserve a big send off
I'll leave him under
The seat on a bus
At the station newspaper stand
Or better still, a phone booth
At the airport,
Somewhere busy, anywhere
There a lot of comings
And goings
So he can't follow me
Into the sea of bobbing heads.
And I won't look back
Will forget I lost him
Until I check my pockets
Or case when I arrive
Almost as an afterthought
As if I had never
Carried him around
My whole life.
Goodbye fear for good.

For you, with you
I will hide away
Those tears
That long to be shed
And seen by you.
Knowing such happiness
Is to miss
When sweet ignorance
Was bliss
And those smiles
Shared and precious
To strangers
Only remind
Of far away faces
Never again
To reappear
Or once more
To feel so dear
To the heart
That beckons
And waits
And prays
And lives in fear
Of losing again
That which
Has been lost before
Of finding again
Only to lose
Once more.

The city is a circus tonight
Panic rife as we glimpse
The ghosts of animals.
A few time keepers
Escape the mêlée;
They screech into the road
And rush inside before the authorities spot them.
Their front doors slamming shut seem to answer
Something impanted in their heads,
A morbid roll call.
And every fifteen seconds
The wailing ambulance siren,
As welcome as a loudspeaker
Telling us when to eat and sleep.
My neighbour didn't make it back yet
His dinner is going cold;
His wife's face has just turned to stone.

These are the brave gentle speeches
No-one wanted to make,
Unscripted pauses
Openly challenge our dignity
Intrude on private silences.
But when they are all said
And drinks, laced with bitter, sweet tears
Are toasted away forever,
Guests arriving as strangers
Exchange addresses and promise to keep in touch
Before filing quietly away as friends
To renew their day
Like children with no understanding
Of why some remain
And others are suddenly taken away.
Weeds are not allowed in the little garden
Where flowers are lovingly watered in
For where a man lies buried
Memories can only begin.

Love don't come to me
When I need you the most
In the towering, mousey night
In the swirling, foggy darkness
In the breathless, graveyard shadows
In the gnawing, soulless cold
In the gaping, beckoning loneliness.
I'll be stepping out soon enough
Into a fine fresh Spring morning
And then I'll be worthy.

For everything we have to put up with
Get along with or move on from
Regardless of injury, hurt and pain
For keeping believing in something
Greater than ourselves
With only prayers to offer up a clue,
And settling for any crumb of comfort
And for not losing our human spirit
If there isn't a God
We definitely deserve one.

He wanted to keep walking
I know he did
But on this fine Spring
Morning
We are only allowed twenty paces.
We turn and now I'm looking
Down the barrel of my pistol
At the one aimed at me.
We never met, I wish we had
Then surely one of us would have said,
But what if we both fall in love with the same girl?
No, we just grew up together
Got used to each others'
Funny little ways
We're inseparable really.
When his parents died in a boating accident
He came to live with us
Until we both got jobs at the bank
And could afford a room
Over the hardware store.
I pull the trigger, the powder ignites,
Love saves more than it kills
That is true enough
But it's all over in a flash really.

She drives down to a room
On Rainbow Hill
And sits in the car staring
At raindrops on the windscreen
Which look like tiny
Planets in the darkness,
And she feels like an astronaut
Weightless, about to take her first
Moon walk, then realising
She had gone to the wrong moon.

Then she goes inside
Climbs the bright green stair carpet
Up to door number two
And is surprised when her key fits
But not that it is cold and dark
And stale from the cigarettes downstairs.

And she rolls a sleeping bag
And some blankets on the floor
And blocks up the fireplace
With a blue flowery eiderdown
To give the spiders something
To think about, and she takes
Her toothbrush and soap
Into the bathroom
And drops the towel on the floor
And trips over it in her muddy shoes.

Then she gets undressed and finds
A place for her clothes,
On a chair in the corner
And turns out the light and stands
At the window as if they might
Walk past, and she's checking that
They will never find her here.

Then she lies awake wondering
When the street light goes out
Just as it does, and more people
Coming up from the takeaway
And she listens not realising
She is listening for her name.
And then the wind and rain,
And a train coming straight towards her
Then veering off
At the last moment.

We talk about her
Though we know she is only in the next room.
She is trying not to be rude and eavesdrop
But some of the names we mention
Sound so familiar
And the hymn, the melody, almost like a waltz
Wasn't that one of her favourites?
She tries to join in with a voice
Still frail and small
Until she realises she is singing on her own.
The music has stopped
And we have moved outside
To look at the flowers.

It's hard for me to remember much
She seemed old even then.
But I will never forget the ritualistic
Saturday afternoon visits.
When all my friends were out playing
We were dragged off, complaining madly,
To the big house at the end of the road.
I remember some of the rooms were never used
And the furniture in them
Was covered in white sheets.
As soon as we arrived we were led away
From those closed doors,
Down a flight of steep cellar steps
To choose our lemonade.
Flavours mattered little,
Bright colours, red, green or yellow
Were the only things that caught our eye
And we would emerge triumphant
Each with a glass that sparkled and fizzed.

The garden was huge with rows of apple trees
And a maize of trellised pathways.
There were mysterious sheds with doors long overgrown
And we only dared peep in
Through dusty fingerprinted windows
At workbenches and gas masks.
Then she would tell us her secret
And lead us quietly towards the Laburnum
Where at head night, if we parted the leaves
A thrush had nested, was feeding her young.
And I remember the greenhouse
With it's giant water **** and wonderful smell of tomatoes
And that it was the perfect place to hide
On long summer evenings
When we didn't want to go home.

There was a more confusing time
Shudder to think
When young ones played
With dolls and prams
And toy soldiers and trains
And all they had
Were roundabouts and swings
And colouring books
And comics and stamp collections
And skipping ropes
And footballs
And pen friends in Australia
And fresh air and the sky
And each other.
It was very easy to mistake
A 'he' for a 'she'
At age eight.

Mary, mind that man in the old coat
He's limping, there could be something wrong with him.
Peter, come on we're crossing over now
I don't like the look of that woman with the pushchair,
Come on before she blows smoke over us as well.
Brenden, come here please, quickly, that girl just sneezed,
You've got to learn to stay close when we're in town.
Sue, watch out for those teenagers, taking up the whole pavement,
They won't move, let's get in the road for a minute,
Let them come past.
Jim, did you hear that? Oh it's that man over there coughing,
He should be at home,
What's wrong with everybody?

I can fly for starters
Bet you can't do that?
I'm not talking about
Around the garden
Try 800 miles a day.
What else? Oh yes
I can sleep with
One eye open
So, I can choose
Which side of my brain
Stays awake.
Try sneaking up
On me
You've got no chance.
And grit and sand
Don't try this at home
But I can eat them
Good for the digestion
Actually.
Mating is no problem
We just hook up
Every season
Saves a lot of
Aggravation.
And what about socks?
Don't need them
Even in the ice
And snow
My feet can't feel
The cold.
Infact I never
Have wardrobe malfunctions.
Just keep your coat
On all the time
I do, let's face it
Green, red, blue
And white
Go with most things.
Gets a bit greasy
But I can live with that.
Well I've probably
Only got another
Couple of good years
Left in me
But hey-**
It's all water
Off a duck's back.

The not so tall
Dark, or handsome stranger
Clutches a half empty beer glass,
Peers out at the traffic and people
And sees only space.
He doesn't need the forgiveness
Of a woman
Or mates or casual aquantancies
Or interests and hobbies
A rewarding job
A neat car
A detached house
Or savings for a different
Rainy day.
He doesn't even need
Good health
Or a purpose in life
A reason for living,
Or God,
But there were times
When he did.

Let the flowers grow where they grow
Empty hands are still good hands
There's nothing to reach out for
Or hold on to or push away
No splinters or cuts to worry about
Breaks are healed, scars faded
There's nothing to touch or feel
Nothing to count
No one to wave to
No hand to hold,
And it was all right there
In the palm of my hand
This life
There for the taking
There for the receiving
There for the giving,
I let it slip through my fingers
But empty hands are still good hands.

Soap was the best present then,
It was restricted so that the fat
And oils could be saved for food.
Let's share out our week's rations,
4 oz of bacon, 6oz of margarine, 2oz of tea, 8oz of sugar
And 2oz of cooked meats,
And wish each other Happy New Year
For it means something this time
As it did in 1944
The last Christmas before World War II ended
When thoughts were already turning
To those of a new time,
Not heralded in with trumpets
But with hushed prayers
When no one was watching,
When people just like us longed
For an end to the fear and uncertainty.
So let's wash our hands of the old year
And hope for the best.

Now I have stopped walking
All movement is carried on the wind.
Was I so consumed?
Could I not see my tattered clothes
Have felt my blistered feet?
Why did it take so long to find this place
To reclaim my space?
Where I stand is all I know
I am here
I have arrived.

The one climbs rain swept
Battlements in dead of night,
Grapples with swords,
Dodges spears
Kills the old enemy,
After a terrible fight
Rescues the beautiful
Princess, with hardly time
To kiss her cheek
Before they ride off
On a white horse
Chased only by
The orchestra and moonlight
She believes to start
A new life.

The other is never
Upset by little things
Milk out of date
Or dinner late,
His every one day
At a time is a victory
In itself, managing to
Keep working through
Praying that faith
Is a match for any pain
Knowing his life
Can never be the same,
He too conceals
The stain on his tunic,
His deathly secret.

Sometime between twelve and two
In between shopping and cleaning
And cooking and seeing a friend
She goes to a room.
She kisses him once
Eats one chocolate
Drinks one glass of water
Closes one curtain
Takes off her layers
One at a time
Makes love to him once
Holds him as if he has just saved her
From a dragon
Falls asleep and wakes with a jolt
Not knowing where she is
Until she sees him smiling
She wonders again is he the one
So to make sure
She kisses him twice
Once upon a time.

He said his love had been purged
Come through the fires of hell
Was now sparkling and clear
Like water from the deepest well.
She replied, do not kiss the place
Where my foot touched the stair
Do not see stars in my eyes
Nor chase moonbeams in my hair
Or search the far off island
Where the last unicorn hid.
So purged again
He went away
And never did.

From a makeshift bed
On an unforgiving floor
Where blankets
Like dreams are strewn
Left to be gathered
At some later date,
Up the winding
Creaking staircase
As I had done
In another life before,
She led me through
An open window
Where birds stir
From invisible sleep
And cows are content
To wander all day
In tall grasses,
Brushed by an unseen hand.

Not for us the delights of Venice
A tan on the Med or being seen on the piste,
Our holiday was passed down to us by elders
Who religiously planned for two weeks of heaven at least
When the whole street decended
Like so many aliens
Who on reaching the earth's atmosphere
Forgot they were supposed to **** and pillage
And just went plain silly,
In caravans and huge tents you said
A congregation of days running together
Whose shimmering horizons, like great moats
Protected, edified, were ready to sweep away
Invading thoughts of ever returning to that hum drum existence
Of that make believe life forever ended.

Sadly we never achieved such heights
Ours were snatched days, hastily arranged nights
When we gambled on the weather
Opted for more familiar sights,
And there it is, just as you had left it
The sandcastle with tiny flagged turrets
And shells, handpicked, embroidered
On to walls packed tight
Enough to repel the advancing tide
The merciless frothy blackness, creeping all night
Over our lost childhood and innocence.

Even those stolen moments are not on offer any more
Leaving me hundreds of miles from shore
With the bucket and ***** you both forgot
And plenty of time to reflect
On what could have been
But if I ***** up my eyes really tightly
I can just make out two small figures
Playing like children
On the beach
In the sun.

How can I sleep when you are this close?
If I stretch out my fingers I can nearly touch you
If you reached out yours.
But you are asleep, safe now.
I do not want to wake you
For your beauty would awaken
The beast in me
Or at least that is how you always saw it
No, it enough to lie here
And feel your warmth
The sun coming up over the hills
Spreading light across the valley
In your world without shadows.

How long can I keep this up?
Pretending to be asleep.
What if my hand should inadvertently slip
Or a careless thought,
Would that be enough to wake you?
To stir the captive in you,
The dragon in me
Or at least that is how you always saw it.
No, it is enough to lie here
And wait for the dawn chorus
Knowing I cannot get to sleep
When you are only two years away
From loving me.

This morning I passed the place where yesterday
A car had flown over the hill, into the sun
And hit a young cyclist.
I had arrived  a seconds difference
Between two worlds too late
To shout out a warning.
The car was already in position
Badly parked with a broken windscreen
And one door open, grounded with only one wing.
The boy, who must have been late for his tea by then
Lay on the grass verge, covered in a blanket.

And how many will slow down voluntarily
Before they hear the ambulance
Picking it's way, then weaving drunkenly
Through busy streets,
Ever closer, as they wonder where it is going
As they realize it has come for them?

Surely this morning there is no danger
I have never seen the road so deserted
There are no reminders of worlds colliding
Only a small boy
Standing forlornly on the pavement
Waving goodbye.

This is my body
But you can't touch it.

We never die

These are my words
But you won't read them.

We never die

These are my thoughts
But you can't feel them.

I am consciousness.

I didn't run anyone over today
I didn't ****** anyone
Or rob any little old ladies
Or steal from the church coffers
I didn't judge or criticise
Or expect too much
Of anyone
I didn't stop caring
Or hoping or praying
And I didn't stop
Loving anyone today
So maybe that is it.
After a lifetime
Of underachievement -
Vindication.
It's what we don't do,
Don't say
That defines us.

Don't let them tell you
That you are good
If they start to say it
Put your fingers in your ears
And sing Dixie as loud as you can.
Good is worse than *******
It's commonplace
It's ten a penny
It's entry level for any writing
Or anything artistic.
Good relegates you to a life
Of expectation and frustration
Because you will probably
Never achieve what you want to.
So you'll need to be a super talent
Maybe one in a million
To really get somewhere
And if you are I imagine
You'll need two things,
To work hard, very hard
And to try to keep
It all together
Which I'm guessing
Might be the hardest part,
It must be unnerving
When you realise you can
Fly up ladders
While everyone around you
Keeps sliding down snakes.
Oh, and good luck.

I glimpsed your world,
The flyovers and intersections
The skyscrapers and palm tree
Lined avenues,
The traffic lights stuck on amber
The sun bouncing off windscreens,
The weather insurance on the side of a bus
The bikes being loaded onto a truck,
The new museums awaiting artifacts,
The air conditioned lives
Craving a sea breeze
For here land and sea are one architecture.
And I dreamed myself asleep
In a chair at your bedside
And all the moored yachts
Their sailless masts
Pointing for me up to smoke puffed clouds.
Your love is the hurricane
I am waiting for.

Insect-like we squash our lives
Into a few summer seconds.
We flit, we swarm, we hop
From a branch, a stem
To a prettier flower
Where we drink the nectar
Or drown in it.
The ******* cat
Plays with us
Tears off our wings
Spits us out
And just before we die
We dream of flying
Into a naked light.

We had to run
To the nearest tree
Holding hands
For the first time
Instinctively clutching
Each other's in case
One of us slipped,
Because you brought
The rain with you.

In my room
Our first kiss
The lonely minutes
Cried out for the
Reassurances of eternity.
When you slept
I stayed awake
It felt like
You were healing me
I had found my source,
Because you brought
The night with you.

In the morning
We started our lives together,
I thank you
For all those days
We shared .
And I will try to imagine
How you look now
Wonder again if you
Have someone else,
Because you brought
The years with you.

Hush wind
Leaves be still
Birds desist!
What's your problem?
Babbling brook
That includes you!
I'm listening!
Sunlight on my face
Stop distracting me!
No I don't want another sandwich!
Thank you.
Stop kissing me!
Stop loving me
For a minute.
There it is!
Listen! There!
The emergency siren!
I'm sure it is
Thank God!
Another poor soul has been saved.

Come over here
Careful, we don't want to make it any worse
Now let's have a look
That's it, I promise not to touch it yet
Oh it's not that bad
Actually, it could have been much worse.

I'll just dab  it gently
Clean away some of the dirt
Then sprinkle on this magic powder
And bandage it lightly, tell me if it still hurts.

Sip some of this
That's it, you'll soon be feeling better
Now close your eyes
Try to get some sleep
I'll just sit here
Right here if you need me ...

How does it feel?
Can you stand?
That's it, gently take my hand
Try to walk a few steps.
Can you stand
The wound I can't see
The pain I cannot heal?

I want to spill the beans
Though it's not much of a secret
I'm still head over heels
What a trip!
I'm as high as a kite
I saw the once in a blue moon
I saw the light
I'm literally over the moon
Lost in space.
You are the best of both worlds
Heaven and earth
You bring all my senses into being
Past, present and future tenses
You blow my socks off
I don't care about the cold feet
I wish I could show you the picture
It's worth a thousand words.
But let's not beat about the bush
I missed the boat
And you were on it
I went down in flames
Up in smoke.
I am trying to pull myself together
But I'm still all over the place
Come rain or shine
I will always love you.

Move in a whisper
Through the long twilight
In darkness I am searching
In shadows for your love.
Worlds outside are held
Dancing in the embrace of rain.

We won't be afraid
To lose the meaning
For the magic of that first feeling needs no memory.
Worlds outside are held
Dancing in the embrace of rain.

In days not long after hopscotch
Stories of wild parties began emerging
Of music played too loud
Friends holding hands
And cider, invented by older boys.

With your long flowing hair and flashing smile
You were always the first to be asked
And I watched from a safe distance
Fascinated by the circle you drew,
Thinking that you had never even noticed me.

Until the day that changed my life.
Preceded by whispers and giggles
I received your invitation, as if one was ever needed
To meet up after school in the Block B Chemistry lab.

The room was dimly lit,
There was a Bunsen burner hissing romantically in the corner
And a spotlight on the desk where you sat,
Surrounded by phials and corked flasks.

Measuring, pouring, mixing, stirring
I had no idea what it was possible to create
As I stood, spellbound, watching over your shoulder
Not knowing how far to go on a first date.

For better or worse
For richer or poorer
In sickness or in health
There were no choices really
I had to love you
And come what may
Even if it all goes wrong
I finally get the chance to say
The three things I have wanted to say
All my life
There are no regrets
I wouldn't change a thing
I would do it all again tomorrow.

Everything is upside down
Inside out
Back to front.
I'm glad it's me that's missing you
And not the other way around.

Washed up on the beach
By the tide that consumed us both
Alive, barely
But I cannot revive her love
I will never see through her eyes again
Or hear her speak my name
It is up to another now
To carry her to dry ground.

So I will walk away
And keep walking
And not worry that I can't feel the sand
Or hear the waves
And I will not look round
Even though I am desperate
To run back
And hug her
And shake his hand.

I wrote you
Something
Hoping you would find it
On the bark of a tree
In a forest
Somewhere.

I shouted out
Something
Hoping you would hear it
Amongst the crows and seagulls
In a field or at a beach
Somewhere.

I painted you
Something
Hoping you would see my colour
In a rainbow
In a troubled sky
Somewhere.

I cried for
Something
Hoping you would see my tears
In a waterfall
In a river
Somewhere.

And if you did
You could do the same.
Maybe we are communicating
On a different level already.

All night our two proud armies
Fought for control over the city.
Occasionally we popped out our heads
And counted seconds
As if the thunder was a harmless echo
Of a battle being fought somewhere else
And the lightning only a crack in the sky
Which come morning would be miraculously healed.
And it was true, in the stillness and peace
That is born of destruction
It was easier then to find your love
Your hand sticking out of the rubble.

Sorry, you must be mistaken
You don't know me
And I certainly don't know you.
I wasn't born yesterday you know?
So we could never have met before now,
This is my first day
Make that my first minute
So let's not waste it -
Who broke whose heart anyway?
I have no memory of yesterday
No hopes or fears for tomorrow
So just be with me please
In this second.

I've thrown away my crutches
Though I'm still limping
And my tablets
Though I'm still in pain
And my books
Though there is so much to know
And my pictures
Though I can still the faces clearly
And her keepsakes
Though I can still feel her love.
So here I am God
Decks are cleared
I'm ready to live or die,
You tell me.

Our two suitcases
Together again
Under the bed,
Mine, looking brand new
In its original cellophane
With a 'Pasures New' label
Was still a good buy.
Yours is pretty battered now,
It has seen better days
And will again.

One minute we are playing
Quite happily
On swings and slides
And roundabouts
Then suddenly we find ourselves
On The Thunder Mountain Railroad
Stuck in The Haunted Mansion
And trudging up Space Mountain
And The Twilight Zone
Tower of Terror.
I don't remember signing up for
Expedition Everest,
But I must have done,
At birth,
And The Top Thrill Dragster
The Swarm and Racer.
So I was wondering
Has it all just been
One long ride
Or has everything in my life
Led me here
To this moment?

This is my last match
And my last candle.
I will light it
To keep this love alive
Before it becomes
Embedded into my heart
And when that gives up
Into my soul.

Can't stop
******* a kiss,
Keep the umbrella
I'll call you
There's so much to do
Where did I get all this stuff?
It'll never fit in there
Maybe if I squeeze it
Oh you're back
Did you forget ...?
Hey sit on that will you?
Stop laughing
And then there's the cleaning,
The decorating,
It's no use, I need more boxes, more time
Okay, okay, I'll calm down, I'm fine
As long as we keep trying to make room
In our lives for each other.

I'm hanging on to my life,
Blindfolded, tasting
The sweetness of the rain.
There is a noose around my neck
My feet are tied, and hands
Behind my back,
Unable to move, I'm relieved
Of all decisions and responsibilities,
Only these last thoughts are mine
And they are strangely free.
But memories are racing too fast
To catch even one,
They must belong to someone else,
Maybe I am trying to shut out the pain already.
I can daydream though,
Those moments before wakefulness
Trying to remember last night's dream
Where everything was the same yet different.
Oh the times I have pleaded my innocence
To every stone deaf wall I could find,
But still I am accused of lack of faith
So, one last thing then
The trapdoor to heaven or hell.
I hope no one sees me
And I can slip in quietly somewhere.