My lady in waiting
Now I lie in wait for you
If I don't see you
I know I was meant to
For I am destined
To be more than your guard
Don't make me wait forever
I will find it too hard
I've so much to tell you
We have only just begun
But with this battle to fight
I must be on the run
In all my conquests
I was never taken alive
Now I worry if I'm captured
I'll be lucky to survive.

But with your sword of light
And magic shield
I will know no fear
When I follow you into the night.

My lady in waiting
Now I lie in wait for you
Morning has come
All around me this heavy dew
And though I am wounded
I can feel no pain
I know if I could live forever
I would gladly wait for you again.

The ballerina in a
Dying piruette
Signals the end
Of her show,
Black putrid, billowing
Twisting and devious
As any smoke engaged
In this work
Must go.

But those who
Would not remain
Are as loathed to
Turn around
As were their bullets
Reluctant to maime
Or ****,
Afraid of breaking
The spell
And being dragged back
Into screaming hell
Instead of gently
Led away through
The buttercups on the
Side of the hill.

A solitary line
Of shuffling feet
Retreating bodies,
Some ghosts
Belatedly anointed
By fine summer rain
Coming too late
To dampen the pain,
Inside the bullet burns
And intermingled
With cries, birdsong returns
Conjuring up
Farmyard smells
Capturing boyhood laughter,
A cosy bedroom
Like a stabbing
In the side
Starts the tears again,
So soon
As when my gallant
Friends and I
With unbeknown
Sadness, rode out
One sunny afternoon
Down to the fields
Of shame
And straight into
Certain madness.

Too close
Step back
Refocus
Blink twice
Wipe away
A tear
All the love
You'll ever need
Is staring
You right
In the face.

One of us has a girlfriend now.
She loves him so much
She wants to be with him
At night as well
Even when they are asleep,
So she sleeps with him.
Sometimes I hear them talking.
She sounds very nice
Like a nurse,
And when I open my door
Her perfume fills the corridor
Like apple blossom on a May morning
And I have to go back inside
Until it has gone.

The Robin is not singing for me,
Better hold my breath
While I eavesdrop.
The path beneath my step
Is not worn away
For my convenience
But I'll keep my head down,
Hope nobody sets a dog on me.
The wind in the trees
Isn't puffed for my hair,
But, what's left of it,
Feels it's stirrings
And I hope my body,
So close to the launch pad,
Doesn't hinder the gusts
Trying to set free a balloon.
I take comfort that the Cumulus
Is leaving nothing to chance,
It  has brought along
It's own blue heaven
To drift along in,
But I'm pretty sure
It would be doing it anyway,
And the river is not even flowing
In my direction,
Still, I will keep noticing things
Listening in to my life.
Someone up ahead calls out a name,
One that I have been known by,
But it wasn't meant for me,
Just another happy coincidence.

Love comes and goes
In it's own time
What happens before
And afterwards
Is of no consequence.

A shooting star is better,
Love is like that
Or a rainbow,
Love could become like that.
Instead what passes for love
Makes us take cover,
A meteorite
Hurtling through time zones
Entering restricted air space
Crossing boundaries unrecognised
Crashing into lives, interrupting nights,
And by the time we have picked it up
On the radar
It is too late to mobilize defences
Too late to recover.
No wonder we can't trust each other.

It's all about the eyes now
The ayes have it.
Zorro mumblings and pardons won't cut it
Sparkling, crystal clear eyes
Are the way to go
They'll never be misread,
Watch out for fluttering eyelashes
They are really exclamation marks
We need a new language
Of love
Look into my eyes
What am I thinking?
Oh you're good!
But also I'm giving town
A miss today -
It's full of bank robbers
And gangsters.

When the waters broke
I remember feeling surprisingly calm,
So I made some cold tea and burnt toast
And tried not to get under your feet
As you finished packing.
Then clutching the car keys
I went outside to wait for you.

The first streaks of morning
Were just finding their way into the sky
But in the immense darkness
I was still as vulnerable as a baby.
Please, please give us life
I found myself whispering
And am certain someone heard me.
Then I blew very gently
The ant hurrying away.
For I could not take his that day.

They are louder these days
More insistent
Increasingly desperate
Three sirens heading
Into the city.
Must be the virus!
What are people dropping
Dead in the street now?
Did they close the centre off
Just after I'd walked
Through it?
And then oh joy
As the fire engines,
Not ambulances
Screech around the corner.
Better to burn to death quickly.

The orange street lights wait
With heads bowed to be relieved.
Rows of curtained windows
Long to draw back the night
And excited raindrops cling
Perilously to leaves that would quiver
But nothing dares flinch
Or stir from sleep
Until we receive the call
That the gallery is about to open,
For this morning we are all
Painted so perfectly still.

All that is except for the clouds
Those great grey whales
Whose mystical journeys
Are chartered at first
By the faintest streaks of blue.
From under the ocean I marvel
As their huge resolute forms
Lumber purposively across my world
And I realize that the miracle
Has happened again,
I can breath unaided.

Now smaller shoals of fish appear
And lighter in form and texture,
All they want is to play
So let them have their moment
Let them disperse and lose their way
Or else face the conquering
Legions of a Royal hue.

But for now, gentle radiant light filtering down
Permeates it's subject, like a thank you.

You changed me
And it was for my own good
You controlled my very form
My breathing
Your will became my will
Your needs were my needs
You pulled me, stretched me
Moulded me so that I could
Better feel what was inside you
And now you're gone
It's me that's empty.

Night times
Are the best times
To miss you
Followed by
Mornings
Afternoons
And evenings.

Do we ever recover
From the shame
Of that first essay
Thrown back,
Covered in red ink
With comments like,
'Spelling mistakes galore,
Writing unintelligible,
Question misunderstood,
Could have done better,
Should have been more?'

Or held up in class
For everyone to see
Read aloud
To a background
Of sniggering relief
As an example of how
Not to do it
And then, 'If this is
Your best, it beggars belief.'

They say some mistakes
Are accepted
Even invited as part
Of the process,
But going back
To when we first met
It seems so many
Have gone uncorrected
That you cannot forgive
Or forget.

The time travellers are always there
But will only be visible to our earthly eyes
At the end times.
Which feels like now.
Until the lights change
We are a captive audience
But the seven trumpets
Sound more like pneumatic drills.
Why did we come this way?
Weren't the signs clear enough?
We could have gone a longer way round
Even risked getting lost.
Are we going to be here forever?
They shake their heads
Grin at our impatience
Knowing none of this really matters
If they can't fill in
The hole in the sky.

When you climb into her bed
She turns over
Her eyes flickering open
Welcoming the intrusion.
Her lips smile as she kisses your forehead
With hands reaching out
Unthinking, unafraid
Drawing you into her sanctuary
Her private moments,
Caressing you
Holding you
Like a lover, a friend
A mother.

All is well
I am strong
I'm fit
I'm healthy
Nothing can hurt me
My body is healing itself
As it always does.

My battery is low
I'm a flickering light
A faint glow
Staying on for you.

My cup overflows
Yet nothing
Is spilt or lost
In the precious mystery
Of your love.

Remember our last ever pillow fight
On the bed
When yours burst
And we were left standing naked
In falling feathers.

For an hour before lunch
I'm the centre of attention
This is my time to shine
Beneath the spotlight
On the operating table.
They say my name
In hushed tones
And then whispers,
I hope I make it.

With another year of emotions to officially uncork
Poker faced poets stand on street corners,
Like town criers who have lost their bells,
And announce to startled scuttling strangers
Their innermost fears and desires.

But I think poetry is best wrongly addressed
Sent away, anywhere,
To hopefully lie down the back
Of someone's couch, unnoticed, unread
Or better still left for centuries
To mature in a dark basement
And then, when appearing quirkishly
Twenty first century
Opened by the timeless language of love.

Nature does it better
Tides ebb, effortless rhythm
Frothing on pebbles ****** clean.
And then there's the muddled heap of us,
Arms, legs strewn, disfigured,
And kisses to stop the questions,
We dare to call it love.
Leaves quiver, untouched,
Yet hidden by a single silent breath,
While we lie pinned underneath
Roughly reaching under clothes
For feelings, something outside me,
Inside you,
Trying to capture the other
Or help them escape,
And we dare to call it love.
Moonlight and stars flickering,
Teasing, half way to heaven,
Still I marvel that you came,
Wanted to be with me,
We dare to call it love,
And it is.

She looks amazing
Probably eighteen
But one of those
When she is sixty
She will still look
Eighteen or twenty
Natural beauty
Hair, makeup
No not makeup
No need
The contours
Of her face
Produce their
Own shades
And shadows
Especially
When she smiles
And no tattoos
She is happy
With the body
God gave her.
And she couldn't
Walk if she tried
She glides
As if someone
Is moving
The scenery
Around her
It's all perfect
Until she opens
Her mouth
To speak
To a friend
' F*  me!
What time
Do you call this?'

I was the wind
That never blew the leaf
That never fell
From the tree
That never grew.
I was the rain
Before there were clouds.
I was a marking on a rock
Before anyone could draw or write.
I was the sunset
Before anyone could see.
I was a kiss
Before there were lips.
I was a whisper
When people could only shout.
I was the second
Before the first second.
I was the love
That was fashioned
From nothing
That came and went
Back to nothing.
I am the next breath
I will never need.
I am dead
To my love
Even worse
To her I never existed.

If the biggest thing,
Death
Is an illusion
Then the second biggest thing,
Life
Must be an illusion too.
Never mind that now
If we have all of eternity.
So if you manage
To dodge me in heaven
Which could happen
As I hear it is a pretty
Big place
Maybe in our next life
Or the one after that
We'll bump into each other
At a bus stop
If they have buses then
Or anything stops
And something in you
Will spot something in me,
Hopefully not a spot,
And unknowingly
We will carry on
Where we left off
With me trying
To love you better.

New shoes are like some people
You're grateful for them
But you don't love them yet.
You just hope you can wear them in
Before you wear them out.
In the Army of Northern Virginia
About half of us had shoes.
Sometimes it was better to go barefoot
Than march all day in some two sizes too small.
When my best friend was killed two days ago
I got to wear his
A pretty good fit, and best of all
It meant that something of him
Could carry on.
He would have done the same for me.
But now it's not the thirty miles
To where we will lay down our arms
For the last time.
I don't have to watch for snipers
In the trees or across the river.
The only things killing me
On this three miles to the bench
Are these new shoes.
I've stuffed paper down the back of the heels
And with every step I'm trying
Not to visualise the seeping blood.
Anyway I've made it,
Maybe I'll get to love them more
On the way back.

When there is a lull in the fighting
And the dead have been buried
And the cries of the wounded have died down
The survivors rush off to the hairdressers.

Midnight.
Locked up, turned off
Tucked in,
Said goodnight to
Prayed for
Listened for an answer to ...
Silence.
The dripping tap starts
Must always have been there
Like a countdown to morning
Leaves me counting the seconds
Until the next one
When sleep turns me off.

When you left I gave up on everything except you.

Don't worry
I'm only taking five
No need to shake me
Give me another minute
No need to wake me
I'm just resting my eyes.

I know I'm missing some good skies
I'm still happy to be alive
Lying here, this is good ground
Perhaps I'll come round
Properly when we get there
I don't need the last rites
I'm not seeing any bright lights
I'm not going to start
Confessing all my lies
I don't want to sever any ties
I'm just resting my eyes.

Everyone cries
Look how time flies
And everyone dies
But that will never be me
I'm just resting my eyes.

Cheetah flying through the tall grass
Hawk lofting on thermals
The wilderbeast dragged to ground
Doesn't feel victimized.
Mouse scampering under an elephant's foot
Monkeys swinging in their jungle playground
The lion sunning himself in the wilderness
Doesn't feel superior,
Doesn't feel special.
Human dropping a test tube
Bats hiding their secrets in caves
Are we all creatures with souls or not?
So when a virus crosses a few boundaries
Why wouldn't it?

Don't call me in
Like I need my tea
And a bath before it
Like I've lost track of time
Or I've been too naughty
Don't call me back
Like I've got something better to do
Somewhere else to be.
God don't call me back
Like my time is up
Not just yet.

Are we nothing more than evolution?
Far less than God intended.
Less than a drop in the ocean
A footprint in the sand
A blade of grass
A petal
A leaf even in a forest.
Are we nothing more
Than miraculous creation?

In my world
There is no need for
Sorry for myself
Cheer me up
Nobody understands me
Miss me before it's too late
Heartbroken
Heartbreaking
Obsessive
Obsessing
Poetry.
In my world
Love doesn't get
Washed down
The sink
With the dishwater,
But it's not my world.

The sad muffled figure coming towards me
Can barely put one foot in front of the other
As if he had lived a whole life
Without ever seeing a flight of stairs.
What terrible sins had not been forgiven
That he should be affected so?
All I can do is stand and wait
Knowing he will need wings
If I am to avoid being late.
But he will never look up
Stares instead at every painful uncertain step
As if he has to count each one.
Then I see that what he has dropped
Is a gauntlet thrown down
And in his hand a walking stick
Turns into something more sinister.
On he comes, now with purpose, over the top
Past barbed wire, the earthworks
Into trenches where friends lie
Like sacks on ******* day.
And with a look I always remember
He accepts my surrender.

I can travel as far
As the painting lets me;
The Beechwood stretches
As far as the eye can see
Far back into the secret wall
Then out into the room
Flooding it with cool fragrant light;
And I cannot believe how much she looks like you.

There amongst the Silver Birch
The most lavish carpet of all,
Your beloved bluebells
Offering up the gentlest of hues.
She bends easily in her long skirt
Cradling fallen branches in both arms.

Then the wood falls silent
Surely a blackbird or thrush would be singing?
Is it morning, is the firewood for this evening,
Is there a church nearby with bells ringing out?
So many things to ask her, and still
I cannot believe how much she looks like you.

Two lives became one
Became one again.

Two prayers, understood, unspoken
Complete as two halves
Now shouted aloud
But halved.

Food chosen for three
By small fingers pointing
Now bought for one
Prepared as solemn ritual
In silence
At the end of the day.

Yesterday came a day too late
I wasn't ready for that,
Tomorrow will be a day too early
I won't be ready for that either,
Better take it one minute at a time.
One thousand, four hundred and forty of them!

Sometime in the future
Exactly when I am not sure
I would like to come back
To you
One last time.
Not in a dramatic way
I hope you understand
Nor to frighten or
Upset you.
I promise to choose
Something small
And insignificant,
A single drop of rain perhaps.
I will settle on your cheek
But only for a moment -
That is all
Before you mistake me
For a tear
And brush me away
Forever.

It was an island hopping
Palm tree climbing
Coconut throwing
Malibu dancing
Sort of day.
Well, not exactly
But it was nearly April
And I was walking down the High Street
And my coat was undone
For the first time that year.

This beautiful rugged
Timeless land, still exists
Between the slow ticking seconds.
Clouds sweep the valley floor
As they have done for centuries
And week old lambs
Cease their chasings
As the shadows loom
For in that instant
They see their destiny.

A ewe has a twisted leg,
A dislodged roof slate
A breached wall, and a *****
Lent last year to a neighbor
All need attention
So this morning we will do what we can
And later we will know ours.

The little toy shop
Took a direct hit in the war
And over the next few years
Just fell into ruin.
I think because the family
Who owned it were also killed
No one wanted to take it on.
And then someone did,
Another toy shop.
It didn't work out though
Maybe memories were still too fresh
Or else people didn't have the money.
They were hard times.
Sadly it was left to rot again.
Since then it's been a bank
Of all things,
A chemist, a hardware store,
A greengrocers, another toy shop
And a bakery, but they all failed.
It certainly wasn't for lack of trying.
And now it's a sweet shop,
A few toys but mostly sweets,
The old fashioned ones
Seem to be making a comeback.
This is where I come in.
I hand the little girl
The ice lolly she asked for.
I am rushing and nearly drop it
Because she is so excited,
She is dancing on the spot
And I'm worried she is going to go through the floor.
Anyway she takes one lick
And screams, 'I love it, this place is magic.'
I think that's the way it will be with us,
When all the pain of you has gone
All that will be left is the love.

Geoff, it is midsummer now
And your paradise garden
Takes our breath away.
The honeysuckle, orchids,
Geraniums, yellow iris,
Blood red roses and
Apricot foxgloves
You tended
So lovingly
Are all here as they
Would have been
In medieval times when
You say even the monks
Needed the sanctuary
Of flowering meads
And shady orchards
To lift their spirits
And refresh their minds.
And now your twin brother
Is finishing off the commentary
You wrote before
Your heart attack,
Telling us if you
Could choose your piece
Of heaven
It would look
Just like this.

On a summer evening such as this
It matters not if we win,
If our best shot misses,
For there is still life in old strings
And hope in grain so true,
Before the light has gone
Let us play on
And forget all we knew.

Forget those two sharing solitude,
Those who dreamt it all
Who know now less
Expect no more,
Remember instead brave shots
Conjured from nothing
Snatched from thin air
Leaps and bounds
And outstretched hands
To save us from despair.

So now I play on bended knee
Sending one last ball back to you,
In earnest hope, beyond desire
You send it back to me.

Straining our eyes to see
Where we are going
To remember where we have been
Let it all pass by
In the blink of an eye
For there is nothing here
To detain us.

Sunlight serves only
To deepen shadows,
Birds steal each others songs
To mimic, never answer,
Clouds mill and jostle
For somewhere to rest
Growing listless, spitting,
My footsteps going nowhere
Only more echoes to empty
The days I don't see you.
Oh to follow you into the night,
Unseeing, unquestioning, unknowing,
To relinquish my identity,
My will, my desires,
To eat and sleep
And wake and love
Only when bidden,
To lose myself in you.

Look not at skin
Frowning pale, wearing thin
Or at eyes staring through red rims.
Be kind to hair receding
And a stomach breathed in
For I am more than flesh and bones.
Blow out the candle
Make believe that I am he
Come with perfect love
For your new body.

There will be good times

And there will be bad times

We're having the time of our lives.

You were in none of those places
I looked
Did somebody move the world
Or heaven at least?
And before you say anything
I do know it exists
Because I used to go there sometimes
With you.
On good days
You make my earth quake
You're the nice *** in disaster
But I can stand some hurry
With my cane
A little rain with my bow
I hope you get the picture
On bad days
Don't go PG on me
You are the mate
In my soul.