The sky is split between light and darkness.
Looks like the night I can't forget about.
Cries that were louder than the noise in my head.
It's been eight and half months.
Now the tears remind of strength of a day that could of ended way worse.

I wish my eyes could delete all sights I have of him.
Wishing that I never met the boy who was my first heart break.
There is good in all the bad,
I found love that of been gone if it wasn't for this pain.
One day I will be thankful for everything that has happen.
Today I just want to forget about the last words we said to each other.
I never thought this goodbye would be forever.

The sky is giving me a warning sign.
A dark x which tells us to run,
Run and don't look back.
The world is playing games with our minds and nothing can save us if we stay.
Stars are getting darker instead of brighter.
The screams are getting louder,
Families are getting torn apart.
It's hard to tell what's going to happen if we leave with out everyone.
The x is getting bigger
Time is almost out.
What will we do?

I never understood how messed up he was,
Looking normal to the outside eye.
The house kept in the fights that lasted hours.
He got his hands on her mind.
She lost all her control,
Believing his twisted words.
Now all the blame is put on the innocent.

I'm not used to crying for missing people.
This year my eyes are filled with tears for saying goodbyes to those I love.
I know we will talk again.
When we meet as strangers,
The memories that will be stories for new friends.
Keeping all photos hidden deep close to me.
Making sure I never forget what you mean to me.

Hello,
Are you there.
Wasting time on someone who doesn't even care for me.
Who only wants the attention until someone new comes around.
It took him a year to finally tell me what his Plan was.
Some how it was my fault for falling in the trap.
At least my heart can heal but not the same for my trust .

He's gone.
No more messages,
No more hellos or goodbyes.
The years together all disappeared
There was no fight to keep it alive.
One evening I said do you still care for me? there was no response.
He never reached out again and that was a lifetime ago.

I hope one day I can smile when thinking of her.
I know that day was darker than a sky with no stars.
I didn't want break your heart in to a thousand pieces,
only wanted to smile again.
The way to that was to leave you behind.
I kept the memories but that's all I can take.
A little part of me still loves you but not enough to fight for something that was already lost.
I hope one day I can smile again when thinking of you.

The sky turns different colors,
There is no warning about when or why it happens.
It's blue then black in a matter of moments.
It reminds me of love.
One second everyone is writing stories of there magic that was there
A day later the fire pit is filled with empty pages of a story that could of been.

How can he dislike everyone but act happy all the time?
The smile is always there but means words come across his mouth like a loaded gun.
Always talking about how he wants to leave but stays for some reason.

I saw the way he looked at her,
He never looked at me that way.
The smile was bigger then anything I ever saw.
He said it's only his friend and nothing to worry about.
That's the same thing my ex said about his new girlfriend.
Why do you think I can't see how you stare at her when you think I'm not looking.
The love is there for me but his love Is slowly fading from his eyes.

Fires Burning late at night.
People talking and showing their true colors to each other.
The flirty boys and girls kissing and hoping no one sees but everyone notices.
It finally hit 2am,
Time to take all the confused people back home before any notices all the drinks are gone.
Come again they all say,
But no one remembers any of these nights.

Summer nights bring moments that we will never forget.
Laughs that will stay with us while the worlds move ons.
No one will forget when the car was filled with smiles and empty cans of soda.
Hoping to stay frozen for a while,
Getting dropped off a second later.
Wishing we can do it all again tomorrow,
Missing summer days when school comes around.

The world just paused,
Everything went quite.
Nothing looked the same as the moment before.
All of a sudden I hear the words that bring me back for a second.
I want to break up with you.
The pieces are falling once again,
Will the world ever stay moving or will I be stuck in this time loop for ever.

I look up at the stars couting the days until we meet again.
Wondering if all the late night messages will be worth it in the end.
Hoping one day you tell me that you love me.
I walk back home with no one next to me wishing I could wake up and you would be there next to me.
Then I look up one more time at the shinning stars wondering if you miss me this way or if you just forgot about me.

Luisina.
Where did she go?
I only see her in my dreams late at night,
When everyone is gone.
What if she is make believe?
My mind is on over drive trying to find her.
The thoughts are talking over that she won't back to say goodbye.
I want to hold her one more night.
To tell her"I love you Luisina".
Before she disappears on me.
I think it's too late.
My love won't leave like she did.

We went from love to loved.
Texts to history books,
Everyone will know our story.
Even if it's through tears or yelling.
I wish share the good to those who will listen.
It was young love,
But a life time of stories.
No good book is happy all through way.
I hope your happy.

Did someone make him this way?
He used to talk about everything,
Now there is only quite.
He could fill a room with joy,
There is only darkness left.
He had confidence,
Now there is a boy standing away from the crowed.
Can I please help you?
I tell him,
His heart will be whole again.
He starts to shine a little more knowing one person listen to his cries.

The smile that started it all.
I saw her across the room,
She laughed so softy,
But loud enough to be heard.
I wonder if she planned to take over my life.
I wasn't afraid of anything,
Besides loosing her.
It's been two years and her smile hasn't changed.

I'm trapped in a glass box.
Watching people smile while I'm pretending to be ok.
No one seems to notice,
All I want to do is break out.
It's looked down on to be different,
So I seat here in my glass box,
Too afraid to get out.

I remember the first time she smiled my way.
It was the last time I felt Star stuck.
My mind was racing as fast as my heart,
Didn't know if I was going to be ok.
Thought It was all dream until it happen again.
She came up to me and asked if was ok.
I said I can't talk when she is near,
Too afraid to embarrass my self.
All she did was laugh,
Told me she was scared I didn't feel the same about her.

I missed you.
Always wondering where you went.
Didn't want to bother,
Thinking you were over me.
Reached out to say goodbye,
Only wishing to talk more than ever before.
My feelings for you hasn't faded.

The tapping my chest flat and hiding the bandages,
Thinking know one would notice.
Cutting my hair little by little because I never liked it.
Screaming when my parents called me by my name.
Wishing they would call me something else.
Making up reasons why I couldn't play videos when I was in them.
Hating my voice and plugging my ears,
Thinking one day it will change.
Still people wonder why I "choose to be trans".
I didn't choose this life,
It choose me.

Don't break her,
I know it's hard to stay.
She waited for him when no one else would.
Stayed up late to make sure he got home ok.
She stayed even when he chose everyone over her.
One day I hope she finds someone's better.
Sadly her heart can't leave even when everyone tells to move on.

I really like you.
I'm too afraid to give my heart up again.
Will you promise not to break me?
Will you let me know when the love is gone in your eyes?
I can't watch you fall out of love.
Just to turn around and feel that way with someone else more then you ever did with me.
It's ok to leave,
Don't go without a word please.

I loved her.
I really did,
It wasn't meant to be.
I will fall many more times and cry way too much over someone who didn't even care.
I wasn't meant to be the heart breaker.
One day all the tears and broken promises will be worth it.

He never loved anyone like his first love.
Plays girls not to be broken again,
Which means hurting everyone to save himself.
Tells girls he likes them then Throws it all away after a hook up.
He see's nothing wrong with what he's doing not understand how many girls hearts are hurting each night.
His smile hides the truth,
The tears that happen the next day revalue what was missing.
Here comes the new girl that won't know what's coming her way

I look up at the stars every time hoping one day I will see him waving back at me.
It's been almost two years since his last goodbye.
It doesn't mean my love for him is lost,
The memories still stayed.
My heart still stings,
I wish he didn't have to go.

I miss the words we used to sing together,
Saying that we would be together for ever.
Now my head is spinning every time I look at you.
I try to take a grip but now my hands are slipping. Trying to stay standing not wanting to fall a second time.

I'm not upset anymore.
This is good bye until we meet again,
I hope you remember me as the boy that stayed up late just to say hi.
I knew nothing last forever,
Was hoping this would be different.
The first time I sent you a text I didn't think we would be friends like this.
I hope one day we meet in person.
I wish this wasn't goodbye but happy for the times we had.

The sky is blue and slight cloudy.
My mind starts to scramble and put all the pieces together.
I can't stop thinking of last months and all the words that were said.
It happen so fast,
Next think I know I'm alone once more.
Thinking of the memerios that will be gone in a year.
Hoping we meet again before I forget who you are.

I miss you.
I want to turn turn backwards to say hi one more time.
Why did you leave me after months of saying you would stay.
Was everything else lies or do you really mean what you said?
If that's true then do I feel like I part of my heart is gone after all of this.
I wish you said goodbye.

She sits there hoping not to be notice.
Waiting every second to burst out of her bubble but not knowing where it will take her.
Ever knowing when to jump to the next step too afraid to fail.
Seconds are feeling like months, trying soo hard to leave a broken city.
Dreaming for the days when everyone will know her name.
Each day is a step towards her goals not letting one in her way.
Making new friends to fill the gaps of losing everyone she knew.
Parents that bully instead of support but just enough to make her work harder to reach her dreams.

The group of twelve trying to fiqure out how to live life again.
Parties ever night but not knowing when to stop.
Laughing and giggling over the boys that will live next store.
Stories are being written that last will forever.
Each night is feeling like a second but days are lasting forever.
The group that will going down together or making emeies at the end.

He thought she wanted it to happen.
The smile hid the real feelings because she is too afraid of telling him no.
She would cry it out, believing one day he would care for her,
Instead, he went for someone else.
He said he would stay only to take the first exit out.
If she ever spoke her truth, he would make her think she was crazy.
Now, this girl thinks it's love to be treated this way.
Her first love broke her,
the second made her trust again.

If my life was a fairy tale she would still be in my arms.
If I truly loved her,
I would be happy that she found happiness after all the pain.
If there was more time I would try again.
I’m stuck in a nightmare,
Seeing her fall for the man I should of been

I wish he stayed longer,
Instead, his mind ran faster than lighting.
He was afraid to show weakness to someone who cared.
Scared I would break him,
He ran away and never looked back.

Days like this I don’t want to forget.
I will miss the laughs and walking down empty fields.
The smiles that could light up a dark sky.
I wish I could freeze today and replay until It comes true again.
I’m going to miss you when this is over.
When this ends up just being a memory

I’m afraid of getting bad again.
I don’t think I will ever get better if I do.
The darkness was scary but I know it’s not gone for ever.
I’m afraid of loosing you.
I don’t want to say goodbye,
One day I will lose you.
I hope you don’t leave when the darkness comes back.
I feel selfish saying I want you to stay with me.
I want your sunshine and late night talks.
If I get lost again please go looking for me.
Please don’t say goodbye.
When it’s time to go,
I will wave from the other side.

I look back to see her standing there. She was all alone, but her smile said something else.
I waited to make sure everything was ok, and Then it hit me.
The lost girl was hidden behind too many secrets,
She just wanted to be saved but had no one notice.
Finally, she left, but without a smile.
Instead, she wears a warning sign that says, don’t get attached; I won’t be here long.
I looked in the dark window to found out the lost girl took my thoughts.
Now I stand here with someone else smile.

It’s not that I want to leave,
but how much it hurts to see her not in my arms.
Her smile starts to fade when I leave.
I wish she knew how hard I would fight for us to be
I may be 5,875 miles away,
I would walk that to see her once again.
It’s not that I want to leave.
It’s hard to miss someone who you ever had.

Dear ADHD/depression
Why did you pick me?
Maybe it was to teach me life wasn’t meant to be easy.
I want to say thank you.
Thank you for having me fight- having me show that I want to be alive.
I never knew how strong I was until finally, my mind was free.
Three years of trying to survive but too weak to fight back.
All started freshman year trying so hard to stay another day.
I took the pen and let the devils draw on my arm and felt no pain.
You made me heartless under a masked smile that everyone believed.
I wore cut-up socks to cover up the scars that you caused me.
Sh was my drug of choice- it made the pain go away for a second.
Just like any habit, I needed more to be happy.
Late at night, I let my devils draw anywhere they wanted.
Wearing pants to cover up their artworks.
February 2020
the day my life almost ended. Afraid of what would happen if I stayed home another hour.
summer 2020
wishing my pain would go away.
December 2020
decided the fight was minutes from ending.
December 10th, 2020
the day I started living. Under all this hate was hidden ADHD.
Sometimes I still miss you but have my memories to show the truth.
Thank you for making me choose life.
from
the angle that isn’t ready to go home yet.

I miss it all.
The hellos the goodbyes.
I miss
Him saying I will never leave you that turned into please don’t call me again.
I miss hearing his voice.
I wish this was a nightmare that I could wake up from.
I miss him.

Why can’t happiness last?
The smile is starting to fade,
Days are feelings like years.
I can’t even think of her anymore
Without crying for months.
My heart has been on the line
I think it's time finally to give up.
She doesn’t even notice how much I love her.
I was with her after each breakup,
Hoping one day her pain would go away.
Will she ever let me go or hold on until she is ready?

Spring is when
the flowers grow.
When school is almost over, but finals start to strike.
Spring is when,
Dreams become a reality.
When reality starts to mix all together,
Until September comes again.

Battle
I was only 17 when my battle started.
Thoughts filled with horror,
Long nights of fear.
I tried pill after pill to fix my issue,
Finally, two and half years later, I was free.
The day I tried my ADHD meds,
It was the day I could finally breathe again.
I’m sorry for leaving,
It was finally time to move on.
I will miss the feel of comfort,
But not the misery that came with it.

Today was different,
I thought I was going dark again.
One second I looked up and saw that I was staying in my room.
I was alive.
A year ago, I never dreamed I would make it to my 21st birthday.
The dark hole seemed like my new life.
Running off my friends and making sure no one ever cared for me.
If people don't care, then it's easier not to fight.
I was sad when I learned people didn't want to leave me.
They all waited and waited until I could finally talk again.
Until I could look them in the eye and say why?
Why did you wait?
Why did you fight for me?
Thank you,
that's all that came out.
In the end, I knew I didn't want to go.
When I feel done, I now take a moment to look back.
To be proud of how far I have come.

I give up.
I'm done trying to make you happy.
I hope you know.
I don't understand why I want your approval.
For once, I want you to call me your son.
Why do I waste my tears on you?
I thought maybe you would reach out.
If you asked me why I'm doing this, I would tell my story.
I would say I don't like my chest,
that I hated looking in the mirror.
The goal was not to destroy the little relationship I still had with you.

My window
I look outside the same window,
Wondering if anything will change.
Will the flowers finally grow today?
I look at it one time, seeing the snowfall on the ground.
Realizing the start of winter finally happened.
I closed my eyes for a minute, and the snow was gone again.
It all started with a little sadness but ended back with summer nights.
We take four seasons for Granted.
One day everything will be different.
There will be no going back.
Today I looked outside my window one more time.

Nothing.
Thats what I thought I had before.
Sadly I had pain and sadness instead. I used to wish for the feeling of nothing to get a break from the screaming in my head.
The screaming of seeing pictures of horror and finally the sense of freedom when it would stop.
The screaming only got stronger when it knew it could control me.
I would fight hard, but nothing could have saved me from the darkness.
Finally, a fairy came to me said, close your eyes and count to three.
I opened it and finally, I was back in bed where this all became.
I learned not to go into battle alone.
I still get the nightmares of that day.