I longed to go to sleep every night
With someone I felt safe with
Someone who would take care of me
With somebody who really loved me
I wanted to be held
And my heart to be full
I looked for it in people
Who were nothing but frames
I fell asleep next to men who lied to me
I let people who have hurt me hold me
I’ve abandoned myself again and again
In pursuit of some kind of safety
It’s twisted
The desperation for that security
Left me in situations that depleted me
And now
Every night
I fall asleep with someone who has promised
To take care of me
Promised to love me
Become my sense of safety
I know that I can trust them
And I know that they will not abandon me
I know that all I invest
Will be worth it one day
And every night
I fall asleep
Alone
I am learning to love her
I have vowed to take care of her
Where all everyone else has failed her
Caring for her is my only true goal
Making peace with the past
Protection and safety
I trust myself
I do not abandon her
I will not abandon her
Ever again.