I only hold on for fear of letting go because being with you is all that I know,
Being the temperance to your storm is surely where I belong,
Being the object of your beauty is solely my duty,
I don’t care for my bondages because being here is all I wish,
I don’t care that you bleed me as long as you keep me,
It’s my life to choose what they’re calling abuse,
It’s my duty to make what their saying you forsake,
My purpose is clear albeit not through their eyes,
My purpose is only to keep me alive.

Tiny tears,
Skin almost translucent
The other kids would call her names,
So she spent her life playing truant,
She couldn’t cope,
She lost all hope
And pleaded to the sky,
She banged her fists,
Didn’t want to exist,
Wished that she could die.
In that moment -
time stood still,
And everything made sense,
She was flooded with a light of truth,
Pure and so intense,
It told her what she’d always known,
Like a distant echoed song,
She remembered what she’d long forgot -
..........She was an angel all along.

A myriad of faces from infinite places,
Each lost in the thought of your eyes,
Echoes of past moving so fast,
One born every second one dies,
A timeline of specks,
That appears so complex,
Yet for me it’s so natural to see,
As I look through your faces,
From so many places,
I know that it’s here we must be.

wM

Blemishes on petaled thoughts,
Shadowed whispers press my eyes,
Balancing my expectations
In a poppy field of denial.
Is fate really the inevitable gamble -
Or am I just a thought -
   floating in the ripples of uncertainty.

Hush,
Listen,
Can you hear,
That purest echo was a mother’s tear,
Ssshhh,
Wait,
Feel the air that swirled,
A tiny soul has left this world.

wM

I close my eyes to visualise my baby smiling down,
That gentle touch I love so much,
Thats no more to be found,
I close my eyes to feel the tenderness of her caress,
But each time that I close my eyes the realness echoes less,

Every hour of every day I wait with bated breath,
In some alternate universe I still deny her death,
Miracles can happen cos I’ve seen them on the web,
God please grant me a miracle and tell me she’s not dead.

Death has made a grave mistake and taken the wrong soul,
How can this be right - when it’s the wrong one that it’s stole,
Life had better fix this and grant me a reprieve,
Or another soul of innocence,
Death will soon receive.

I write as I’m told,
Of the sights that unfold,
Of torture and torment and bliss.

I write for I can,
With the spirits at hand,
Filling in parts that I miss.

For the laughter and cries,
I lend you my eyes,
To see what it’s like to be me.

Close your mind,
Clear your heart,
From this world break apart,
Eventually you’ll start to see.

Hear the line in your head,
As if it’s just been said,
Write it down as another unfolds,
For it comes as a voice,
Unspoilt by choice,
Though supreme by the questions it holds.

We are the broken resolution of a long past execution,
In our search for absolution we find misguided retribution,
I’m not an atheist by choice,
But I can‘t find one true voice,
Which makes it hard for me to feel,
That any single choice is real,
Sometimes we’re blind to see what’s true,
But then the truth is overdue,
Can you really change the world,
Because the world can sure change you,

We teach our young they’re  free to choose,
And then condition all their views,
Because their only hope to win,
Is by accepting that they’ll lose,
I’m just an optimistic realist,
A lyrical theorist,
I don’t force the lines I write,
I just accept they have to be this,

So we write we sing we preach,
Hoping like minds we can reach,
Because our mediums our weapon,
In this world if indiscretion,
We’re the star within the night,
The loudest voice within the fight,
It's a war for our salvation,
A war that’s of our own creation.

Is it wrong to write of Adams fight with Eve, after she took Abel,
I don’t wish to blaspheme but the serpent seen what she did at the foot of Gods table,
It led to a fight of biblical might,
With earthquakes tsunamis and lightning,
And Eve knew right then that the world of men would be both confusing and frightening.
Adam asked why she looked to the sky to ask for guidance and wisdom,
“Surely it’s I that’s due father’s reply,
Am I not a worthy victim”
Then came a voice of infinite choice,


“Be still and listen to me,
All that you do involves more than just you,
There’s a whole world that one day will see,
It will see how you cower, how you rise up and tower over those whom you think that you own,
But this road that you follow is lonely and hollow and will leave you lost and alone,
Your an example of choices to those without voices,
They’ll write books about all that you preach,
Let history show so the future will know,
That you’re essence is the proof that I teach.”

Breath of fresh air they called you,
About time he met a good women they said,
Help straighten his head,
Keep his **** out of bed.
But my brother was fine,
He didn’t need saving,
But you knew that.
It was you that was craving.
You had the curves and the looks,
It didn’t take much,
I knew when I met you that day,
That you’d take him away,
Lead him astray.
There was a look in your eyes,
A control in your actions,
Difficult to see,
Because you were the distraction,
We hardly saw him those first few weeks,
Mum said he was in love,
I wasn’t convinced,
She’d jump when the phone went,
But when she answered she’d wince,
Weeks turned to months,
Then mum got a call,
You turned up an hour later,
Your were the same but .... seemed small,
You’d had a fight,
You ate and you slept,
Mum wept,
She knew the signs,
Those thin bruised lines,
Like Scarlett vines,
Choking a shrine.
You were using,
Abusing,
Boozing and confusing and saying you were sorry but.....
I could see the worry.
You listened but didn’t hear,
She saw guilt but I saw fear,
You got angry and left,
It was a clever theft,
Mum never said but I knew she was shaken,
She’d of given if you’d asked,
It was what you did,
Not what you’d taken.
I came to see you one night,
Found the address in mums book,
Number 12 I took,
Knocked on the door and she looked shocked I was there,
She didn’t care,
Said you were out so I asked to come in,
Asked where you’d been,
She’d gotten much thinner,
And had sores on her skin.
She told me to go,
I shouted your name,
The words left my lips aching in pain,
“My brothers on drugs and your to blame,”
She called me insane,
Slammed the door,
I remember rain.
I walked home that night and the rain hid my tears,
I never told mum of my trip,
Or my fears,
But I will one day,
I’m not sure when,
Because I don’t think I’ll ever -
See my brother again.

Are you hearing voices again,
Is there words inside your head,
Do you feel you  want to hurt yourself,
Make the bath water turn red,

Have you forgotten what you did before,
Do you remember who i am,
You know your not that little girl,
Did you even know that man,

When did you stop taking your pills,
How long since you checked in,
Where have you been sleeping,
Are you still a ******,

I only want to care for you,
Your mind isn’t quite right,
Just let me make it all alright,
An tuck you in at night,

“You people drive me ****** nuts,
No wonder it’s all hazy,
Just leave me be the **** alone,
It’s no wonder I’m ****** crazy,”

wM

Windows

I watch people passing by,
I watch them going about their lives ,
I wonder if they’ve lost a husband or a wife.
I wonder if they’re going through the motions without a care,
I wonder if they’re thoughts are even there.

I wonder if one eye is always looking in the past,
Though they’re probably trying hard to look ahead,
Or if every day is just the same, getting up, going out then going to bed.

I wonder who is there for them,
If they’re on their own,
Do they think about the future, does it matter.
Are they seeing out their time just to ensure others are fine,
I’m thinking it’s the latter.

As I’m looking I realise I don’t really see,
Or is it that they’re all looking at me, I’m ok I say, I give a wave,
I’m just watching people passing by.

Then I see the  girls ,
They’re calling me out, they shout.
They’re waiting for me, they stand and stare,

It’s almost like there’s two of me now.
One that stopped and stayed back there to take care,
And one that carries on distantly aware,

I step out and join them along on their walk,
Our girls so grown up she’d be proud.
Passing by windows some quiet some loud.
I see a man looking out, looks lost in thought.

He waves,
I wave back and raise my eyes,
He mouths back he’s ok,
I feel for him he looks all on his own.
I hope he’s not alone,

I hope he’s as lucky as me,
He can see who I have with me.
I hope he also has family,
Looking out his window,
I wonder who he’d really like to see.

Free your hate from those that hurt you,
Lift yourself above,
Spend your time on those deserving,
For only they deserve your love.

Sometimes I just want to write,
Reach for that sight,
That untainted inspiration of unyielding creation,
I try to nullify influence,
Searching for the continuance of ignorance,
Sometimes it comes,
Sometimes it creates its own momentum,
Waves crashing and creating in there own spectrum,
Other times it drips,
Procrastinating and debating,
Keeping me waiting.
I just like the release of creating a piece which gives me peace,
Sometimes I just want to write.

I yearn for the quiet to hide my scars,
A cloak of confidence gifted from the darkest corners,
It offers itself from most places-  if you know where look,
The corner of the room,
The back of the crowd,
Or last in the queue,
My mantra is to be unnoticed and uninvited,
I steer clear of gatherings
Crowds unsettle me,
I live for the solace the silence brings,
I learnt long ago that out of sight is out of mind,
You cannot hit what isn’t there,
Or threaten a vacant space,
Don’t get me wrong - Evil still calls,
And when It does you better believe,
I come running like a loyal servant,
This chameleon that I’ve been forced to be -
Brings its own gifts,
Mine is the ability to sense trouble before it occurs,
It’s hidden in the tone of a voice,
The twitch of an eyebrow or the narrowing of the eyes,
It’s my warning to get out - to hide,
Melt into the back ground and avoid the situation,
But occasionally there’s no where to run,
Sometimes there’s no where to hide,
Then I switch to my defences,
Fast thinking to talk about anything to calm the threat,
Showering compliments and promises to appease my master,
All the while watching for those tell tales to heighten.
If that doesn’t work I prostrate myself with apologies and acceptances of guilt,
Anything to avoid the brewing storm.
It works for the most part,
It normally ends in some ****** deprivation,
That’s my ace card,
The one that’s guaranteed to work nine out ten times,
And so it starts again,
It’s the threat of that tenth time that lives within my shadows,
Always hovering on the edge of  everything I do,
Because that tenth time so easily could be my last time,
It’s come close,
This is why I yearn for the quiet,
To hide the scars of my survival,
Living a life in which I want to be invisible,
Isn’t the life I want to live,
But it’s the life I lead,
You can’t help me,
You can’t be there for me,
You’ll never even notice me,
Because I’m invisible.