It’s not that I haven’t made an honest attempt
To translate my heart to you.
I’ve tried. God, have I tried.
To get through to you
To connect with you
To hold onto some spark of hope
That one day it’ll click for you
And you’ll just get it, you’ll suddenly have an epiphany, a dazzling revelation
And you’ll understand who the hell I am
But the spark of hope continues burning in my grasp and the fire is never put out and it’s torture. Absolute torture.
To come to the stark realization that there are parts of me that must always be inaccessible to you.
Parts of me that must always remain untouched by you.
Though I’ve led you to them, grabbed your hands and attempted to apply them to those places I desperately wish for you to see and to feel and to have and to hold.
But there are some things that simply will never be.
There are some wishes that simply will never be granted.
And there are some of us doomed to be perpetually misunderstood.

I’m scared of my mind
Scared of spiraling depravity
The way I ache isn’t normal
Scared of dark capability
The monster most terrifying
Is the monster that’s me

The horizon breaks in golden laughter
Makes a flit of thoughts stop
The light pierces through my being
Time to walk to the coffee shop

We can never be still.

We rise then we fall.

You are the sun I’m the moon creating a life time of tide with our gravitational pull

Though we push and pull this world would be lifeless without you ❤️

You can’t break someone who’s already broken
You can trap someone who’s already fettered
You can’t change the future unless you learn from the past
You can’t heal if you’re not willing to get better
You can’t dance if you’re only willing to observe
Can’t smile if you’re dedicated to a frown
Can’t move forward until YOU decide to
Can’t go up if you’re always looking down

Dip my arrow in perfume
So my fragrance will linger
Draw my bow and shoot his heart
Get him wrapped around my finger

I aim to poeticize my presence
Become a symbol in his mind
“I could give you what you want. I know you’re unhappy with  life.”

Dig my fingers
Into his malleable male essence
Flash him “I want you” eyes
Then quickly return to indifference

Appeal to his inner hero
Then find a distraction
Praise him for a moment
But always delay satisfaction

That is my conclusion
A feminine deduction
Leave a man hungry
That is the key of successful seduction

I touched your tiny face
And my fingertips grazed the future
I looked into your eyes
And I saw hope for tomorrow

He was more than a man to me,
He was my heart walking around in a button up shirt.

You are my muse, my love
My contemplation,
My reflection,
My meditation,
My wound & ointment
My problem & resolution
My brooding & laughter
My daydream & reality
My night & day
I need you
In every way

My only wish is to give you fervent love.
A love that seeps into every crack left by the frivolous entanglements that broke you.
And a worldly life that left you bitter.
To breathe a new life into you through it.
To refresh you.
That is my only wish.

I whisper vows into my palm
And touch your face with solemn promises.
I will never let you go.
Through a thousand tempests swell,
Or we are cast into fires meant to destroy,
No distance, or time, no dimensional constructs will make my hand slip from yours.
Darling, know this.
No matter what happens

I will
NEVER
Let
You go

Consistency
That’s the only difference between
The mediocre
And the master

Our daylight egos
Are so quickly shed
As the moons rises
And the night thickens.
Our true feelings are felt
Deepening with the hours
Our raw, tired, vulnerable selves
Are finally free to feel

You act high and mighty in the day
When your ego is burning hot with the sun
But darling I know you too well,
And I know the night is coming
When you’re alone.
Alone with your thoughts
Alone with your regrets
With no one next to you to kiss your face all over and wish you goodnight
The night is coming, babe.
And you’re going to reach out in desperation to me.
And I will relish leaving you alone.
The same way you left me.
And knowing that you loved it
To see me sad over you.
I will cherish every desperate cry of regret you utter to me.
And hold them in my heart like treasure
As you bellow again and again “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
And I leave you feeling exactly like you made me feel
Like there is no one there listening
And you’re not heard

I wish I could just read your mind
And know exactly what you feel for me

Perhaps this is the least poetic thing I’ve ever uttered.
Sometimes love isn’t enough to make it through.

I don’t desire
To be any mans “queen”
Keep that heavy crown
Far away from me
I don’t want to be
Some guys “princess”
If anything, I’m more like  
The village sorceress

I sit at the empty kitchen table
And cradle my head in my hands
Tears hit thick and warm on my cheek
And slide like a melting glacier
Made of the ice in my heart.
I listen to the trees tussle outside
A symphony of wind and leaves,
And I play my day over in my head,
And find I am so happy I didn’t buy
The plaque I saw in the store today that read
“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs, does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers, love never fails”

I’m happy I didn’t buy that
Because sitting here in this empty kitchen,
I know that is not our love.

If life is art
And this human experience
Is comparable to a masterpiece
Of twisted, convoluted, magical,
Priceless beauty,
If life is art,
I suppose I’m probably
Just a crayon.

Perhaps the reason there is so much suffering in this world is because
We aren't made for this world

The expectation of perfection has gotten me into more trouble than I’d like to admit

Her vast history rises in flames
To lose her is such a sin
Perhaps the bells of Notre Dame
Will never ring again

“Don’t cause a scene.”
Don’t give me a reason to

A relationship is doomed
When just staying mad at each other is easier than saying
"I'm sorry.'

I’m sorry,
I’ll never be a cheery girl
Draped in yellow humor
Blessed with a boisterous laugh
That fills every hall of your hallow heart
I’m sorry,
I’ll never have quite a loose disposition
That your wandering soul searches for
But that I carry a set of convictions
Not readily compromised
A steady world of right and wrong
Though I let go and have fun in the right season
I’m afraid
I’m not what you’re looking for

I sought God
I asked Him to use my life for His way
I anticipated His response,
& I heard the word “obey.”
To be a useful instrument,
In His hands, moldable as clay
I need to heed His voice
His impression in my heart is “obey.”
I can rest with Him by morning.
Read His Word to end the day,
But what good are His words,
If I do not listen & obey?
I must hide them in my heart.
His words will lead my way
Because He said,
“Why do you call Me Lord, but do not do as I say?”

His obsession twisted and tangled his mind
She danced in his thoughts
Inflaming his desires
Such a delicate woman
With such a strong, viper like grip
Every day he dwelled on her
Ruminating, calculating
She was his obsession
He would have her
Or else

The world sparkles
Through the watery lens of tears
I am okay.
I am okay.

One by one petals fell.
I consulted a daisy,
To see if you truly loved me.
I went to pick off the last one,
But it didn’t come off completely.
Half a petal lingered.
It foretold your half hearted approach.
I should’ve listened to that daisy.

His crystal blue eyes lingered too long on me.
I felt my layers of clothes being peeled back by his unflinching gaze.
My heart pounded and I glanced at him behind the counter.
Not tending to the work that needs to be finished, but looking incessantly towards me.
Clammed up, but strangely sympathetic I allowed his unbroken stare to remain transfixed.
He was old, and ***** minded as he winked and puckered his lips at me when I glanced his way once again.
I looked again into his eyes and wondered what pain has he known?
What have the years twisted him into?
From the time he was a young boy, with a ruddy face and full head of hair, playing with a toy gun he made from a stick.
Why was his heart so tainted, he thought he could make me into whatever his fantasies were making me into at that moment, and not feel bad?
Where did he lose his conscious?
I gathered my courage and looked at him once again, but with a glance not composed of fear and knitted together by disgust. No.
I looked at him, and my heart ceased pounding and smiled at him.
A wide, genuine, true smile.
And nodded my head as if to say “I understand.”
He looked back at me and his blue eyes had changed their story.
No longer leering. They were apologetic and yielding now.
And as I left the store I couldn’t help, but steal a glance one more time, he was still looking, not with lust, but with a sadness, simply nodded his head back to me as if to say
“Thank you for understanding.”

There are times I feel
I am more phoenix than woman
More a symbol than human
My otherworldliness escaping from my pours
Ash and fire blazing in my eyes

He unwound himself
Into my soul
Laying on my breast
I whispered how I adored him
As he rested on my chest
Hard day
Hard life
He’s not weak
Just been strong to long
So I stroked his head
And kissed his neck
And sang him our song

Her soul was too big for her body
Her spirit was too large for a small minded world

Pale moon
You glittering orb of ice and sand
Reflecting sundrops
Cascading on our darkened land

Pale moon
What secrets you know
Lovers stolen kisses
And the torment of the human soul

How we’ve wailed to you moon
How we’ve cried
How we’ve confided in you
Things we dare not bring into the sunlight

Pale moon
Rising is your ancient duty
We crave you moon
You’ve bewitched us with your ghostly beauty

My light burned bright
Writhed, stunned, pierced the night
My fire was too much for him, he said
So he blew as hard as he could and left me for dead
But the smoke danced from within me and my resolution grew
The embers glowed, flowed and he knew
You cannot **** the heart determined to rise
No shadow may quench passion of that size

I am the last whisper of a dream
That lingers as dawn starts to beam
Delicate, but more than what I seem
An oyster which reveals its pearly gleam

You’ve walked with me,
Through the dark days
And I need your dark roast
In the deepest of ways
And your warming presence
Consistently stays

As the sun bursts through the gate
I find myself anxious
I can stand when you’re late
When I hear you’re coming
I can just hardly wait
I’m pacing and racing
I need your taste

I know, from my lips
You won’t drift very far
So Coffee, thank you
I adore all that you are

Shedding the virginal pink robes
Bestowed upon her in girlhood
The sweetness in her eyes
Stolen by fire, she could drop men
With her glances
She lifted her head
As they draped her in red
Crowned her and bowed down
Queen of the dead

Sometimes, the only difference between the hero and the villain, is perspective.

Your persuasion is mysterious
Your power is an anomaly
I can’t find the reason you compel me so
You just burn for things
And it makes me want to burn like you do

Aphrodite never died
She scattered into a billion pieces
And shards of her exist in women
Who understand their ****** power and persuasion
Isn’t a joke

I like my days unplanned
And my life dipped in pink
And chasing down my vitamins
With the occasional alcoholic drink
I savor every calorie I get
Because I typically don’t eat
I simply can’t show myself in public
If my bag doesn’t match what’s on my feet
My nights end at sunrise
And my champagne is fizzy
I like my dinner with good friends
And my breakfast at Tiffany’s

He likes to play operation on me,
Leaving mutilations under my skin.
Lacerations, ****** incisions
No bandage, no stitches,
Not a cast to correct the injury.
He opens me up, shreds me
And leaves me to heal in weird ways.
So,
Each time he does it to me
I become a bit more unrecognizable from the person I was before