It’s not that I haven’t made an honest attempt
To translate my heart to you.
I’ve tried. God, have I tried.
To get through to you
To connect with you
To hold onto some spark of hope
That one day it’ll click for you
And you’ll just get it, you’ll suddenly have an epiphany, a dazzling revelation
And you’ll understand who the hell I am
But the spark of hope continues burning in my grasp and the fire is never put out and it’s torture. Absolute torture.
To come to the stark realization that there are parts of me that must always be inaccessible to you.
Parts of me that must always remain untouched by you.
Though I’ve led you to them, grabbed your hands and attempted to apply them to those places I desperately wish for you to see and to feel and to have and to hold.
But there are some things that simply will never be.
There are some wishes that simply will never be granted.
And there are some of us doomed to be perpetually misunderstood.
You had an immense gravity
So strong I was ****** right in
But you’re no star, you’re a black hole
And there’s nothing for me here but destruction
I know I can’t have you
I know we can’t do this
But playing reruns of our “might be’s”
Is simultaneously the most euphoric past time
As well as the most self-mutilating
I narrowly opened my eyes
Still glazed and heavy with sleep
I felt a strange presence in my room
Not a peaceful one, but definitely a beguiling one
There was a strange haze in the corner
It consisted of many tiny shining particles
Almost a glitter like substance
It was hovering in my peripherals
I turned and gazed
I felt unease and distrust
Though it looked beautiful and ethereal
I knew it meant me no good
And then it vanished
Stitching stories together in my mind
You’re always my main character
My noble knight, heavy with armor
And bursting with chivalry
You’re my favorite fantasy
You’ll always be my hero
My fairytale ending
She creates waves wherever she treads
She’s not just controversial
She is life and death
I stare at the black and white picture on your tombstone
Your face stamped into the earth
You left imprints in my heart
Occasionally some other thing will come along
Vying to fill the gaps you left
But I never let anything into those incisions
For though there are deep empty spots in me
They remind me you were here
The lingering spaces left by you
Are my last reminders you were really mine once
My love, you’re nectar to me
I desire your sweetness in the morning
Your mind is delicious
P ain that keeps me up at night
T orturous memories that won’t leave my head
S adistic people from long ago still haunt me
D emons of the past crawl in my bed
Allow me to uncover my desires
And my deepest affections impart
How I yearn to lay my head upon your chest
And hear the rhythmic thuds of your heart
The gravity of this love
Has my very soul collapsing in
You are my true confession
Give me this pleasure once again
Let me drink from your well
Let me taste the wine of your lips
Let me sit beneath your shade
And trace your veins with my finger tips
Of all cruel inventions
The bird cage must be of the cruelest
To confine a creature meant to soar
Behind bars, never to reach its full potential
That is cruel indeed
If you live life for yourself
Your desires, your cravings, your benefit
You will never be content
Dissatisfied and empty
If you live your life for those around you
Their benefit, their joy and well being
You will discover you are more fulfilled
Than ever before
You will overflow
Behold a table is set before you
The bread is blessed
The wine is poured
Come, take and eat
The Lords body was broken for you
The Lords blood was shed for you
He has made a way for you
Will you eat?
Will you accept His invitation?
The table is set for you,
It’s your choice to accept it
Accept His gift
Or walk away
I touched your tiny face
And my fingertips grazed the future
I looked into your eyes
And I saw hope for tomorrow
I speak lightly ‘round certain ears
For though they listen
They do not hear
So my lips I mute
My words I keep
The shallow, you see
Can never comprehend the deep
I know I can’t keep you..
But I’m going to enjoy every second while you’re here.
Maybe one day we’ll end up together.
Sharing a bed and talking about what we want for dinner.
Immersed in a mundane magic
A routine ecstasy
That’s all I want for you and me
I just want you to know
I never viewed this thing we have
Through rose colored glasses.
I never looked at us through the doe eyed,
Pink lens of a love struck girl.
I see you as your desperate, real, messy self.
I see every crack and missing piece you have
And I burn for you anyway.
Travel a road of darkness for long enough,
And your soul will cling to any thread light it finds
I wish I could hear the music in your head
While you’re dancing
I poured my soul into this vocation
My heart was on fire
That’s what they told me
“We’ve never seen work ethic like yours”
But the thing about burning
You get burned out
Enjoying creature comforts
Is by no means the reason for my existence.
But my oh my,
How they make the load of life
So much more bearable.
You can do your upmost
Try your very best.
Give everything you have.
But you can never MAKE someone love you.
I wish I could just read your mind
And know exactly what you feel for me
You're the only one who has looked into my eyes
And seen more than a pretty sparkle in them.
You see who I truly am inside
That’s why I choose you above anyone and everyone else
Down she fell in dust and ashes and hit the ground like lightening carving through earth as she landed.
They relished seeing her subdued. They loved telling her she was undone.
But their hearts trembled, as they beheld, from beneath the mound of soot and torched ambitions,
A faint glow began to twinkle and glimmer and burn brighter,
She emerged from her burial place, with her wings set on fire. She burned hotter than she did before she fell.
She laughed, for they were faint at the sight of her. She could not be overcome. She rises stronger with every blow she receives.
My darling, I love you
Simply because I want to love you.
I yearn for the best in regards to you.
And if I can in any way, ease your situation,
Or make you happy, then I will. Because,
With abandon and reckless honesty, I love you.
I love you wildly.
I was nestled in your arms
My face was buried in the curve of your neck
I knew it was you,
It was just a dream,
As fleeting as a shadow,
But I was with you.
And that’s good enough for me
In this world full of fantasy
Fake “I loves yous”
And shattered promises
You gave me something real
You gave me a stable ground to stand on
Maybe you aren’t rose petals on the bed
But you are arms safely wrapped around me
You are a sincere kiss
You are my true love
Maybe shes always been drawn to the darkness
Because the light exposed her shame
She never met a judgmental thief
Will you ever find me?
Waiting here patiently
Picking petals off flowers.
He looked at her,
Smaller than him,
Nicer than him,
Eyes full of emerald secrets
Lips full of kindness
And her smile
Nearly knocked him out
She was in every way different than him
But also she was the piece missing from him
She was him
Thank you for smiling with me
Thank you for lighting up my mood
Thank you for giving me butterfly’s
Thank you for keeping me grounded
Thank you for igniting a zeal for adventure in me
Thank you for holding the door for me
I love you.. I love you very very much.
I loved you so much.
All these years later,
Seeing your picture still makes me smile.
I never knew love before you.
Never knew heartache before you.
You opened my eyes,
Touched my heart, my mind.. my body…
My first passion.
And remembering those wild nights.
Stealing our parents cars.
Meeting at 2 am.
Steaming up the windows.
I smile still.
And my heart breaks still.
Echoes of us will remain in me as long as I live, I believe that.
I miss you sometimes, I’m mad at you still sometimes
But beneath all that emotion, there is still a true, honest love for you and a hope you are well.
We said always and forever.
I will never forget you. I’ll carry a piece of you with me, always and forever..
I hope I am as woven into the tapestry of your thoughts, as you are mine.
I hope you can hear my laughter echoing in your head and makes you smile upon remembrance.
I hope certain smells remind you of me and make you yearn for my presence, crave my company.
I hope you talk about me to your closest confidants and analyze our moments together.
I hope as your falling asleep, my face flashes across your heavy eyes.
I hope I bring hope to you when you’re feeling sad or discouraged.
I hope I am to you, what you are to me.
A profound gratitude is conceived in my heart as I gaze at the dusty pictures hung on my wall
The eyes illuminated within those frames gazing back at me.
Bygone years and yesterday’s laced with laughter, tears, memories. Some joyful and some bitter, but all filled with beauty and a deep grace.
Mountains loom in one photo
The Eiffel Tower dazzles in the next
The Roman colosseum beneath that one
The heavenly blue roofs of Greece under that one
And on and on and on
I never would’ve believed it,
As a young wild child, living in a trailer park, barely surviving in the hidden muddy parts of a country filled with the stink of cows
That God would open my world so vastly and allow me to travel beyond what I ever even imagined, and He blesses me still, and even more, with the promise of eternity with Him.
Truly, like Jesus said He came to give “life and life more abundantly.”
And I am truly thankful…
The strand holding my spirit in my body broke
And my soul was set free
I cascaded through oceans of time
When I arrived in eternity
I landed on a unknown shore
The sand was made of light and grace
I felt I did not deserve to be here
Yet I was welcomed warmly to this place
The air was perfumed with love
The water was made of life
The trees bore fruits of joy
And no longer felt I any pain or strife
the best of all was Him
Sitting on the throne
Pierced hands outstretched towards me
He received me as His own
I felt deeply aware of my shortcomings
I felt so unclean in the presence of Him
Yet with no hesitation, He kissed me
And proclaimed I was forgiven
In a moment I was transformed
He made me totally complete
He placed a crown on my head
But I threw it back down at His feet
He was the champion!
He was the reason I was alive
He took the punishment
So I could be by His side
He made this beautiful place
He made the way to be here
He took it all upon Himself
And He took away every fear
He washed away my pain
He cleansed my tear stained face
He gave me a robe made of mercy
And filled me to overflowing with His love and grace
A grieving heart is nearly impossible to console
For what they wish for most
The one person who could offer some true relief
Is gone forever
I have to leave, my love
But meet me in the in between
Under that canopy of daylight and dark
Before the sun touches the earth
And the stars send their last strands of heavenly luminescence
When you slip away into your dreams
And fly away into the deepest desires of your soul
Look for me there
I will find you
To say my heart beats faster when you come close
Would be a wild understatement
You make the foundations of my soul quake
You make tremors happen in the part of me that is immaterial
You have the power to move me
A presence that animates me
I’m both frightened of you
And drunk on you
I am utterly enchanted
Intrinsically intoxicated by you
Reality and fantasy intersected
Like a dream
A sweet vision of the night
When the stars rose
You were there…
I swear I could touch you
Feel your breath
Caress your face
It was just an illusion
A trick my heart played
You were never here to stay
And when I woke
You were gone
I was growing too fond of it all
The house, the car, the pictures on the wall
Sentiments are dangerous things
For they anchor you to this world, you see
I am not a fixed embellishment on this earth
It’s all passing away, even the things with great worth
This world is not my home, nor is it my prize
I look on towards heaven, that is where my treasure lies
If you claim to love me,
But that love does not inspire action,
If that love does not compel you to respond to it
With every cell in your body agreeing
And every beat of your heart
Matching the thud of your feet as you run after What it wants most
If it’s not that kind of love
You’re a fire raging
Flames lapping in your soul
Let me dance, my love
Let me dance in the inferno
Your hands are full of violence
Your mind is filled with rage
Your glance is like a hungry lion
Pacing in its cage
Your heart is made of black ice
Dangerous when unseen
Unfortunately I slipped right into you
Now I’m trapped, it seems
She works like a machine behind the scenes
She makes big moves quietly
But she’s all muscle underneath
The master of many trades
Tight lipped about her accomplishments
She wants you to underestimate her
Because she loves the look on their faces
When they realize
She’s a lion
Who looks like a kitten
Here I am
This fading case of dust and flesh
Engaging with this planet I’m on
A perishing body
Animated by a soul
Lit from within by a me you can’t see
What a mystery life is
If woman was taken from mans rib
I surely must have been taken from yours
He was a lonely planet
Orbiting some distant star
Set on an isolated course
Full of duty and deadlines
And she was an unforeseen meteorite
Who slammed into his world
And left a crater in his heart
She was the icy space rock he needed