I’ll never forget. How could I?
After the way you let me live and love in pure, reckless freedom?
And when everything fades, every tender touch becomes a snapshot memory, hung in some unattended gallery in my mind.. My heart will always remember you, darling.
The heart ALWAYS remembers.

Sometimes the expectation of the storm
Is worse than the actual storm

There are times I feel
I am more phoenix than woman
More a symbol than human
My otherworldliness escaping from my pours
Ash and fire blazing in my eyes

Outwardly,
You had a cold, sturdy hardness
Of a mountain.
Inwardly,
You were filled with caves of wisdom and gold to glean
So call me a gold digger
Because I want to dig into you

I’m so sorry for being a horribly toxic person and bringing all my sorrows your way, as if they’re your problem.
Where am I meant to go?
It feels like there’s no where,
But down

I’m sorry,
I’ll never be a cheery girl
Draped in yellow humor
Blessed with a boisterous laugh
That fills every hall of your hallow heart
I’m sorry,
I’ll never have quite a loose disposition
That your wandering soul searches for
But that I carry a set of convictions
Not readily compromised
A steady world of right and wrong
Though I let go and have fun in the right season
I’m afraid
I’m not what you’re looking for

Jasmine oil ran thick and yellow
Down her wrist
She dabbed it on her neck
And it flowed like honey
And smelled like summer
She adorned her fingers in rings
And tied her hair
In extravagant clips
And combs
Her youth radiant
Her pride swelled
Her rich black hair cascading

Then...

She felt the years slip through her fingers like sand in an hour glass
Wasted sand
Wasted time

She spent her youth
Spent her beauty
Spent her health
And stood withered before her mirror
The reflection was strange
The image starring back, foreign
An alien,
The black dye in her hair faded
Her hair frizzled from years of tormenting it
Her face heavy from years of drinking
Her figure altered from excessive party’s and feasting

How she wished
She could turn the hourglass
But it was immovable

Some transformations are slow and beautiful
Like a butterfly
Breaking through its chrysalis
But some transformations are gritty and fiery
Like a phoenix
Emerging from its own ashes

When Joshua crossed the Jordon River
God told 1 man from each of the 12 tribes to set up 12 stones
A memorial, to remember that God parted the river for them
The same way He parted the Red Sea for Moses when they were exiting Egypt
And Israel feared Joshua, the same way they feared Moses

Jesus stood in a boat with 12 disciples
Afraid for their lives when a mighty storm hit
Jesus arose and rebuked the wind and said to the sea “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was great calm, and the disciples feared exceedingly, saying to themselves “who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him?”

God parts seas, and God calms storms.

Maybe shes always been drawn to the darkness
Because the light exposed her shame
She never met a judgmental thief

It was his mistake,
He tried to embrace a girl
With fire woven into her hair.
Of course he got burned.

She looked to the earth
And then to sky
The ground was too dull
She longed to fly
She pulled on her coat
And her soul spread it wings
The air in her heart
Grasping for higher things
Her hand reaching for heaven
And though she met her untimely fate
Her courage lives on in the hearts
Of all those who attempt to do something great

She wore wisdom and war
Behind the veil of her eyes
A piercing discernment
Her eyes were a monument
Of the undercurrent
Swelling in her soul

Fierce warrior girl,
With the ***** face,
****** arms
And the broken heart.

Don’t you EVER forget,
You have what it takes
To stand alone.

It’s time to blaze,
You’ve been drowning for too long.

It’s a disheartening feeling when,
Your “very best”
Is their “not good enough”

You stabbed me in the back
Betrayed me with a kiss
But you forgot, when you take a shot at the king
You better not miss
You’re not my friend
You’re a Brutus
You’ve never truly loved me
You’re a Judas

I stare at the black and white picture on your tombstone
Your face stamped into the earth
You left imprints in my heart
Occasionally some other thing will come along
Vying to fill the gaps you left
But I never let anything into those incisions
For though there are deep empty spots in me
They remind me you were here
The lingering spaces left by you
Are my last reminders you were really mine once

Spring this year, has come gently.
It came on the heels of a historical amount of snow for where I live.
It came on the wings of butterfly’s, drinking nectar from flowers.
It came in heavy rains, drenching the earth with much needed water.
It came in warm sunshine.
It came like a silent symphony of photosynthesis and pollination.

She was like the sun
Warm
Healing
Life giving
But she also burned a few unfortunate souls

“Why don’t you just leave him?”
Any addict will tell you
It’s not that easy.

You had an immense gravity
So strong I was ****** right in
But you’re no star, you’re a black hole
And there’s nothing for me here but destruction

She was always victorious,
For she studied the art of seduction,
Because it requires more cunning,
Than the art of war.
Learn to ******.
Win every war.

I had a dream a few months ago I was riding in the passenger seat of your car
What a strange coincidence that’s exactly where I found myself last night
Next to you,
Talking about pains and passions.
A dream fleshed out into reality
Who are you to me?
What does it all mean?

The small ship rocks
The sun beating down
Beaming off the glistening water
A thousand sun sparkles
Break across the surface, dancing.
Below,
Depth.
Who knows what monsters
Or dead mans bones may be concealed yet
Beneath this playful, Pacific surface,
Even so, I pull off my t-shirt
And dive in
There’s no bottom, not for miles down at least
But I splash and flip
Plunge under and back up again
I’ve always had a knack
For going too deeply into things
I should be afraid of.
My friends smile like angels at me
And soon they’re all playing with me
In the deep

You act high and mighty in the day
When your ego is burning hot with the sun
But darling I know you too well,
And I know the night is coming
When you’re alone.
Alone with your thoughts
Alone with your regrets
With no one next to you to kiss your face all over and wish you goodnight
The night is coming, babe.
And you’re going to reach out in desperation to me.
And I will relish leaving you alone.
The same way you left me.
And knowing that you loved it
To see me sad over you.
I will cherish every desperate cry of regret you utter to me.
And hold them in my heart like treasure
As you bellow again and again “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
And I leave you feeling exactly like you made me feel
Like there is no one there listening
And you’re not heard

Not a day goes by
That my heart doesn’t whisper your name
You are woven into the fabric of me
You’re a strand in my DNA

There has indeed always been a sense of magic in the old house. Especially at dusk, as the setting sun steeps the estate in golden hues. The land was wild and luscious, seemingly unmaintained, embellished with wild chamomile and daisies. History wrote itself into every wall, every blade of dense southern grass, every calcified window and crackling chip of paint held, each in its right, a weightiness, an undeniable depth of bygone years. Martha stood in the old servants kitchen and sipped her coffee long and thoughtfully. The chairs weathered by time and countless night family sat on those cushions. Laughter still echoed in the rooms, ricocheting  off picture frames and pinging off Marthas near deaf ear-drums. She felt the years in the walls, she felt the years in her bones. How she would miss this home.

I don’t ask for much...


Just to be your dark, twisted fantasy that begins as a small thought in your brain and escalates into a full fledged obsession that renders you dizzy, dazzled and beguiled beyond logical comprehension.


Is that really so much to ask?

We descend a little deeper
Into the dark vaults of each others minds
The shameful promiscuity's
We’ve encountered in our time
The recesses of drunken escapades
We’ve long since escaped
Kissing prostitutes
And laughing in Gods face
Yet how the years have broken us
How we found each other in the dirt
How fiercely we love each other
Because we’ve both been fiercely hurt
How the years melt away
In the cool evening of our love
How a garden blooms in our heart
A garden that grew out of death & mud

She scribbled like a lunatic writing on the wall
The horrible words you left in her heart
The pain she had to bear
She needed to get it out

The saying goes
“When you love someone set them free.”
But my heart pulls with all it’s strength
Against that notion.
When you love someone, make a true, deep effort to love them
Hold onto them
Show them how cherished they are
Because at the end of it all
I’d rather say I loved too much
Than not enough

Forever I crave those I shouldn’t
That’s why I’m addicted to you
Plagued by the Capulet curse
I’ll always want the Montague

I am the last whisper of a dream
That lingers as dawn starts to beam
Delicate, but more than what I seem
An oyster which reveals its pearly gleam

She wrapped herself in his words,
They fit her perfectly.
She danced in front of the mirror,
In her pretty new ensemble.
“This is what he thinks of me”
Is what she painted her lips with,
The cuffs that adorned her wrists,
A silken robe that glazed her curves.
His words were, a grand jewel hung from her neck.
& she was so proud to flaunt them.

Down she fell in dust and ashes and hit the ground like lightening carving through earth as she landed.  
They relished seeing her subdued. They loved telling her she was undone.
But their hearts trembled, as they beheld, from beneath the mound of soot and torched ambitions,
A faint glow began to twinkle and glimmer and burn brighter,
She emerged from her burial place, with her wings set on fire. She burned hotter than she did before she fell.
She laughed, for they were faint at the sight of her. She could not be overcome. She rises stronger with every blow she receives.
A Phoenix.

Sorrow is the best medicine
For a selfish heart
And pain, a remedy for pride
So let me be broken then

I cannot deny,
The man could materialize anything I wished for.
A passing fancy, an eye catching item could and did appear whenever in his finacial power to do so.
I could have anything...
I knew it too.
But in the end all that fluff was to compensate for his lack of emotional richness.
The lack of any character depth or owning a strong self-identity.
I was never hungry with the man.
My belly was always full.
But my heart was always empty.

The gavel slammed.
“Guilty of sorcery,  conspiring with the devil, and being in possession of magical potions under guise of medicine.”
Elizabeth fought for her life
“I am no more a witch than you are a wizard! This is unjust!” She screamed, pleading.

That night they hanged her.
They congregated in front of the white church house. Rejoicing that they had rid themselves from the vice of the sin of  divinity infesting their beloved town.

3 years past

And The old white church
That lingered for years beneath
The mossy trees
Rose in flames lapping at the night air
And there they saw only her dark silhouette standing in the door.
And then
She was there no more.

Consistency
That’s the only difference between
The mediocre
And the master

it is surprisingly lonely
to be a passionate person.
as if no one cares to match your pace
no one feels as you do.
it seems as if you are burning alone

Her soul was too big for her body
Her spirit was too large for a small minded world