I used to be afraid of wolves
Until I realized I am a lion

Emancipated I looked on,
The world below me spun.
The last breaths of the day slipped away
Fleeting with the setting sun

Then, as if mirroring the stars above,
The lights of the city lit,
I opened my arms about to fall,
But decided against it.

Not today, not in this way
No, there’s still beauty left to behold
I trembled as I stepped down
And shivered in the deathly cold

She is many people..
Good luck ever trying to understand her

I loved you so much.
All these years later,
Seeing your picture still makes me smile.
I never knew love before you.
Never knew heartache before you.
You opened my eyes,
Touched my heart, my mind.. my body…
My first passion.
And remembering those wild nights.
Stealing our parents cars.
Meeting at 2 am.
Steaming up the windows.
I smile still.
And my heart breaks still.
Echoes of us will remain in me as long as I live, I believe that.
I miss you sometimes, I’m mad at you still sometimes
But beneath all that emotion, there is still a true, honest love for you and a hope you are well.
We said always and forever.
I will never forget you. I’ll carry a piece of you with me, always and forever..

“Don’t cause a scene.”
Don’t give me a reason to

I sit at the empty kitchen table
And cradle my head in my hands
Tears hit thick and warm on my cheek
And slide like a melting glacier
Made of the ice in my heart.
I listen to the trees tussle outside
A symphony of wind and leaves,
And I play my day over in my head,
And find I am so happy I didn’t buy
The plaque I saw in the store today that read
“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs, does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers, love never fails”

I’m happy I didn’t buy that
Because sitting here in this empty kitchen,
I know that is not our love.

In great rooms of heaven
In hallowed halls where Glory resides
In rays of light which beam from His face
From a throne that rules the universe
From lips which uttered stars
And hands that authored mankind
From an imagination that conceived the depth and breadth of the oceans
Which birthed every animal and tree
From Him, came me
And even more joyously unfathomable, I was always part of His plan

And
the stars rise trembling
Sparkling like fixed diamonds
Set in concrete, black marble
How they set my veins afire
How my heart trembles with them

We can never be still.

We rise then we fall.

You are the sun I’m the moon creating a life time of tide with our gravitational pull

Though we push and pull this world would be lifeless without you ❤️

The lace tapestry moved ghostly  
When a wafting breeze caught it
And delicately tussled it’s sensitive fabric
The dust lying thick on mirrors
And around desks and cupboards
Telling of its immense age.
The mirrors calcified and barely reflective
Caught sight of the specters
This haunted inhabitance
Inherited by gruesome recollections
And apparitions that moan like the wind
Those who still dance in these forsaken halls
The dead who speak in these corridors

Adversity is a powerful teacher
You’ll never grow in comfort
Challenge will stretch you beyond where you ever thought you could go.

The gentle passage of time continues.
Rhythmic seconds that dance by, unnoticed for the most part.
With a consistent and familiar beat.
Tick.. Tock..Tick.. Tock..
I wait for that gentle passage of time
To slowly erode you from my heart
To chip away and wear down
The lingering memory of you.
But I’ve found here, in my time,
A peculiar truth.
True love, cannot be dampened by time.
A flame, that once it’s lit, can only be reduced
To a simmer, but never truly quenched.
And whenever I see you, talk to you, smell your coat.
I find the love I have conceived for you, has only deepened with time.
My respect for you has only doubled.
That is how I know I love you more than I have ever loved any other.
Compared to what I feel for you. All other “loves” where merely a dress rehearsal for the real thing.
And in my full confidence and assurance can say,
I’ve never loved another, in my time.

My heart is not easily won.
So believe me when I say I love you,
I mean it with every fiber of my being.

It’s not that I haven’t made an honest attempt
To translate my heart to you.
I’ve tried. God, have I tried.
To get through to you
To connect with you
To hold onto some spark of hope
That one day it’ll click for you
And you’ll just get it, you’ll suddenly have an epiphany, a dazzling revelation
And you’ll understand who the hell I am
But the spark of hope continues burning in my grasp and the fire is never put out and it’s torture. Absolute torture.
To come to the stark realization that there are parts of me that must always be inaccessible to you.
Parts of me that must always remain untouched by you.
Though I’ve led you to them, grabbed your hands and attempted to apply them to those places I desperately wish for you to see and to feel and to have and to hold.
But there are some things that simply will never be.
There are some wishes that simply will never be granted.
And there are some of us doomed to be perpetually misunderstood.

I’ll admit, I am hesitant to apologize
Because
A part of me meant every word of what I said

He was a lonely planet
Orbiting some distant star
Set on an isolated course
Full of duty and deadlines

And she was an unforeseen meteorite
Who slammed into his world
And left a crater in his heart
She was the icy space rock he needed

Slices of light pierce through the sky
The stars who’ve inspired poets time after time
They speak of unsurpassed beauty
They find hope in their light
But the muses oft forget
The depths of the night
How rarely, if ever, mentioned
The abyss so very far
How rarely, if ever, whispered of
The darkness between stars

You will not find happiness in the material world.
You will die and your body will be placed in the ground.
Your possessions will be dispersed, bagged, sold or given away for free.
And all that will be left of you is a name and birth date through a death date.
You must live for another life entirely.
You must store treasures in another realm completely separate from the material one.
You have one life. Spend it wisely.

Kiss me in the defeated darkness
Kiss me as the light goes out
And nothing is left of the day,
But us
Skin to skin

She creates waves wherever she treads
She’s not just controversial
She is life and death

I wish that I had Your eyes
That gazes into hearts and discerns motives
I wish I knew all that You have planned,
That I could stare down the tunnels of time
And understand the purposes of trials while they are happening
I simply must trust in You
In Your goodness
In Your grace
Even as the world is turned upside down
Kingdoms crumble and empires fall
Yet You never will
You are everlasting, eternal, unceasing, unfailing
I simply must rest in You
Acknowledging day by day
That You are God and I am not.

She asked me to tone it down
But that’s just not in the cards
I only get to live this life once
So I’m gonna live it large
“Small” is not a word I like to use
“Shrinking” or “serious” I don’t dig
I lean into the dazzling life that’s worth living
And it’s worth living big

The sun came up
And it was looking at you

I shouldn’t have played the game
I didn’t think I’d fall in love for real
But now I’m being buried alive
And I honestly don’t even care

You’re a drug I can’t quit
And I don’t think I want to
I’d rather die from loving you to much
Than die from being without you

History rarely repeats,
But it often rhymes.

I’m alive... somewhat
At least I was at sometime
If my life were on a numerical scale
I’d be on the negative side of the number line
Life taken, an eternal sedative
Yes, I’m alive,
But alive in the negative
The life I’ve unlived
The darkness I’ve tread
The life that was taken
That left me undead
I’m a villain darling,
But not by choice you see,
I didn’t choose the vampire life
It chose me
The red on my lips isn’t makeup
A monster, with a deceiving human eye
I know I look good, but..

I’m the bad guy

I like my days unplanned
And my life dipped in pink
And chasing down my vitamins
With the occasional alcoholic drink
I savor every calorie I get
Because I typically don’t eat
I simply can’t show myself in public
If my bag doesn’t match what’s on my feet
My nights end at sunrise
And my champagne is fizzy
I like my dinner with good friends
And my breakfast at Tiffany’s

I just want you to know
I never viewed this thing we have
Through rose colored glasses.
I never looked at us through the doe eyed,
Pink lens of a love struck girl.
I see you as your desperate, real, messy self.
I see every crack and missing piece you have
And I burn for you anyway.

Black suits
Predator eyes
Black hearts
With valuable ties
Connections
From the underworld
In a sky rise
Cigar smoke
Thick as their lies

You have a sacred place in my heart
That no one can take away.
Though we can’t be together,
Please know, a portion of every beat of my heart
Belongs to you.

The strand holding my spirit in my body broke
And my soul was set free
I cascaded through oceans of time
When I arrived in eternity

I landed on a unknown shore
The sand was made of light and grace
I felt I did not deserve to be here
Yet I was welcomed warmly to this place

The air was perfumed with love
The water was made of life
The trees bore fruits of joy
And no longer felt I any pain or strife

the best of all was Him
Sitting on the throne
Pierced hands outstretched towards me
He received me as His own

I felt deeply aware of my shortcomings
I felt so unclean in the presence of Him
Yet with no hesitation, He kissed me
And proclaimed I was forgiven

In a moment I was transformed
He made me totally complete
He placed a crown on my head
But I threw it back down at His feet

He was the champion!
He was the reason I was alive
He took the punishment
So I could be by His side

He made this beautiful place
He made the way to be here
He took it all upon Himself
And He took away every fear

He washed away my pain
He cleansed my tear stained face
He gave me a robe made of mercy
And filled me to overflowing with His love and grace

I guess he says he loves me.
I have a hard time believing only words.
It’s easy to get lost in wishes.
It’s easy to waltz with hope for too long.
Praying for a connection, not just an attachment.
Praying for even a morsel of my thoughts to be heard and not disregarded and disrespected to the highest degree.
I’m losing touch with reality.
And dancing in the pretty fantasy that maybe this is love.
Maybe I’m not wasting my time.
Maybe I’m not bleeding inside for no reason.
Maybe we can go to the sunshine.
But it seems impossible, when we are swallowed up and drowning in ever darkening waters.
Maybe this is love.
Maybe...

Some people think they can control the world
If they understand it
Living in fear, they plunge into depths of philosophical thinking
Trying to understand human nature
And they usually end up as insufferable arrogant know it alls
Yet some people live in surrender to the mysterious
Without the need for control
They let themselves wonder
The mystics, the esoteric, the poetic
I love those people

Wicked heart
Clad in white
Like lucifer comes disguised
As an angel of light

Hear again, the refrains of Spring
A whisper, the quiet promise of rebirth
This symphony of resurrection
Brings a similar renaissance within me
I too, am made new

I hope you feel my thoughts about you,
Crash over you like waves.
I hope you can feel my love,
Even from far away.

She’s pleads with you today
“Please listen.”
But her pleas fall like seed
Onto dead ground
You refuse.
You refuse her any kind sympathy
You refuse her a gentle touch
A word of affection
Or affirmation
No whispered assurance
Into her love starved ear
that everything is alright,
That you are not going anywhere
She keeps asking, begging really
For your ears to incline to her
But this too, you refuse to give
So tomorrow,
Don’t stare longingly out of your dusty morning window wondering to the dawn
“Where did I go wrong?”
It was right in front of you
And you lost her
You lost the one who loved you,
That you refused to love back

Sometimes becoming an angel
Means you gotta go through a little hell

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal,
But mighty in God, for pulling down strongholds.

I’ve died so many times.

The ghosts of all the girls I’ve been, linger in photographs and her writing is still inked in diary’s and journals from the past.

I know she is proud of who I am now.

And I look forward to who I will become one day.