You pulled me closer
And I saw my tiny reflection
Inside the deep pools of your eyes
I saw myself in you
I was afraid
Because I’ve never
Gotten close enough to someone
To see glimpses of who I am
Inside of them

This pain crushes me
With density like a black hole
I’m ****** into bottomless space
Gravity crushes the light out of my soul
I slip into shadow
The blackness which absorbs the light
I am the deep reaching out
The all consuming night
The thunder, the forewarning
the fire burning in the soul
The magma beneath the earth
Sorrow turned to fury. Agony to inferno

I touched your tiny face
And my fingertips grazed the future
I looked into your eyes
And I saw hope for tomorrow

Life wields it’s pen
To jot down my chapters
I’m so enthralled in this love story
It’s chosen for me
But then, my heart sinks
For every great, renowned love story
Tends to end in a great tragedy

All I ever wanted to do is love you,
You weren’t ready
You obviously weren’t ready to be loved like I loved you.

I never loved you
I worshiped the monument
I built of you in my heart
But it wasn’t you
A statue of a man isn’t the man himself
But a chunk of rock, steeped in myth and fantasy
And now I’m tearing the idol down

A relationship is doomed
When just staying mad at each other is easier than saying
"I'm sorry.'

There’s a sudden chill in the air
The darkness looms, heavy
My skin tingles in fear
My forehead spikes in perspiration
The ghost hovers in my corner
My past is here to haunt me

The seasons change
And so do we
Parts of us fall off
Like the autumn leaves
Rather than saying “I hate the rain”
Or “I don’t prefer the sun.”
Find joy in them all
Rejoice in every single one

I’m scared of my mind
Scared of spiraling depravity
The way I ache isn’t normal
Scared of dark capability
The monster most terrifying
Is the monster that’s me

I don’t know where I fell out of love.
I don’t know if I ever fell into it, fully.
I don’t know if I was just comfortable.
I don’t know if it’s just that I knew I’d be taken care of.
I don’t know if I cheated myself out of true love.
Or if this IS true love...
I don’t know how I can be so blithe about it all.
After all the bitterness that has built up and sunk into my heart towards you.
I don’t know when I fell out of love.
Or if I am in love.
Or if I ever was.
Or if I am in indifference veiled with a coat of emotional dependency.
I don’t know if this is love.
I don’t know.

Kiss me and paint my curves with your hands
The way a musician would caress his guitars strings with intention and passion
Play me, my love.
Whisper every desire into my ear

Make me sing

How often genius is overlooked
Even mocked
Scoffed at
Ignored
Until it produces something extraordinary
Groundbreaking
World changing
Then everyone claims they knew all along
Claimed they were always in with the person who was mocked
The person who is a cold, quiet mountain externally
But bursting inside with brilliance

Remember,
You’re the villain in someone’s story

I was a tender reed
Attempting to bloom
In the limited soil I had
With the small nutritents available to me

You were stones
Choking out every beautiful stem
Nature was creating in me
You were locusts eating away my leaves
Ripping off parts of trying to grow
I was trying to grow

I was trying to grow

You’ve walked with me,
Through the dark days
And I need your dark roast
In the deepest of ways
And your warming presence
Consistently stays

As the sun bursts through the gate
I find myself anxious
I can stand when you’re late
When I hear you’re coming
I can just hardly wait
I’m pacing and racing
I need your taste

I know, from my lips
You won’t drift very far
So Coffee, thank you
I adore all that you are

They were the counterbalance
The weight that held the other steady
He was born in depravity
And lived a depraved life
He longed for goodness...
She was born in privledge
And lived accordingly.
She was curious about darkness...
They met and satisfied each others greatest longings
A desperate ebb and flow that kept them in rhythem
They were opposed, but equal
They were in love

He may be a snake,
But I’m a snake charmer

He may be a rat,
Call me the pied piper

I know I can’t have you

I know we can’t do this

But playing reruns of our “might be’s”

Is simultaneously the most euphoric past time

As well as the most self-mutilating

Travel a road of darkness for long enough,
And your soul will cling to any thread light it finds

His left arm
The arm closest to his heart
Was placed beneath my head
Supporting me
His right arm
His dominant arm
Was embracing my torso
Protecting me
I’ve never felt so satisfied
Wrapped tightly
Knotted in his warmth and strength
Nothing can hurt me
Not here
Not in this moment
Not so long as he’s around

He abused himself
So of course he could abuse me

He used to bring her flowers
When her youth was in full bloom
She was ravished with fragrant colors
In her dewy faced afternoon
He used to bring her flowers
But as rose-petal girlhood began to atrophy
The flowers stopped arriving
The flowers vanished and so did he

The stars begin
Their battalion march
With their banners raised
They ascend over the earth
Singing and twinkling
Healing yet piercing
Comforting yet penetrating
Darkness inspires once again

Some words flutter on the air
Carried by gentle breezes
But quickly dissipate like the wind

Some words root into your soul
******* up sustenance from inside you
But growing something from within you

Some words dance like fire leaping at your heart
Torching or warming. Useful. Or destructive

Some words run over you like water
Drowning or refreshing you.
Quenching and cleaning away the dirt that doesn’t belong

Hope, you vile monster
You evil snake
Whispering my desires
As if the dawns about to break
I’ve trusted you, hope
I gave you the keys
But hope where were you?
You failed me
Please hope
If you must stay
I beg of you hope
Don’t lead me astray

Behind the veil of gauzy show
Gaze into the eyes that house the soul
Behind the masks we all wear
Inside the pain we all bear
There is a common thread
Woven through us all
Behind our facades
And our socially acceptable wall
We are all in need of something
Something greater than us
We all have holes
That need to be filled up
We all share wounded innocence
Behind our outward features
So be kind always
To your fellow broken creatures

I don’t desire
To be any mans “queen”
Keep that heavy crown
Far away from me
I don’t want to be
Some guys “princess”
If anything, I’m more like  
The village sorceress

Beautifully obsessed
Dancing on the fine line
Between visionary and delusional
Insanity and ingenious

Maybe shes always been drawn to the darkness
Because the light exposed her shame
She never met a judgmental thief

One can’t help but notice the staggering amount of people
Going broke,
To prove to other broke people,
That they aren’t broke.

Outwardly,
You had a cold, sturdy hardness
Of a mountain.
Inwardly,
You were filled with caves of wisdom and gold to glean
So call me a gold digger
Because I want to dig into you

LA air
Invades every window of my car
Rolled all the way down
One hand draped free out the window
One hand firmly griping the steering wheel
My hand glides over the air
And rolls up & down, up & down
The purple mountains loom
In the distance
The sun reaches its last dying flares over the peachy plum sky
And bids goodnight to this side of the earth
I turn the refrain of Free Bird all the way up
As high as my volume will go
Step on the gas as hard as I can
And drive into the rising California stars

The saying goes
“When you love someone set them free.”
But my heart pulls with all it’s strength
Against that notion.
When you love someone, make a true, deep effort to love them
Hold onto them
Show them how cherished they are
Because at the end of it all
I’d rather say I loved too much
Than not enough

I’m so sorry for being a horribly toxic person and bringing all my sorrows your way, as if they’re your problem.
Where am I meant to go?
It feels like there’s no where,
But down

I’ll never forget. How could I?
After the way you let me live and love in pure, reckless freedom?
And when everything fades, every tender touch becomes a snapshot memory, hung in some unattended gallery in my mind.. My heart will always remember you, darling.
The heart ALWAYS remembers.

The small ship rocks
The sun beating down
Beaming off the glistening water
A thousand sun sparkles
Break across the surface, dancing.
Below,
Depth.
Who knows what monsters
Or dead mans bones may be concealed yet
Beneath this playful, Pacific surface,
Even so, I pull off my t-shirt
And dive in
There’s no bottom, not for miles down at least
But I splash and flip
Plunge under and back up again
I’ve always had a knack
For going too deeply into things
I should be afraid of.
My friends smile like angels at me
And soon they’re all playing with me
In the deep

I’m sorry,
I’ll never be a cheery girl
Draped in yellow humor
Blessed with a boisterous laugh
That fills every hall of your hallow heart
I’m sorry,
I’ll never have quite a loose disposition
That your wandering soul searches for
But that I carry a set of convictions
Not readily compromised
A steady world of right and wrong
Though I let go and have fun in the right season
I’m afraid
I’m not what you’re looking for

You're the only one who has looked into my eyes
And seen more than a pretty sparkle in them.
You see who I truly am inside

Fierce warrior girl,
With the ***** face,
****** arms
And the broken heart.

Don’t you EVER forget,
You have what it takes
To stand alone.

It’s time to blaze,
You’ve been drowning for too long.

You act high and mighty in the day
When your ego is burning hot with the sun
But darling I know you too well,
And I know the night is coming
When you’re alone.
Alone with your thoughts
Alone with your regrets
With no one next to you to kiss your face all over and wish you goodnight
The night is coming, babe.
And you’re going to reach out in desperation to me.
And I will relish leaving you alone.
The same way you left me.
And knowing that you loved it
To see me sad over you.
I will cherish every desperate cry of regret you utter to me.
And hold them in my heart like treasure
As you bellow again and again “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
And I leave you feeling exactly like you made me feel
Like there is no one there listening
And you’re not heard

She scribbled like a lunatic writing on the wall
The horrible words you left in her heart
The pain she had to bear
She needed to get it out