Perhaps the reason there is so much suffering in this world is because
We aren't made for this world

They were the counterbalance
The weight that held the other steady
He was born in depravity
And lived a depraved life
He longed for goodness...
She was born in privledge
And lived accordingly.
She was curious about darkness...
They met and satisfied each others greatest longings
A desperate ebb and flow that kept them in rhythem
They were opposed, but equal
They were in love

Outwardly,
You had a cold, sturdy hardness
Of a mountain.
Inwardly,
You were filled with caves of wisdom and gold to glean
So call me a gold digger
Because I want to dig into you

I sit at the empty kitchen table
And cradle my head in my hands
Tears hit thick and warm on my cheek
And slide like a melting glacier
Made of the ice in my heart.
I listen to the trees tussle outside
A symphony of wind and leaves,
And I play my day over in my head,
And find I am so happy I didn’t buy
The plaque I saw in the store today that read
“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs, does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers, love never fails”

I’m happy I didn’t buy that
Because sitting here in this empty kitchen,
I know that is not our love.

My therapist leans forward in her brown leather chair
And thoughtfully places her hands and investigating, asks me
“So at the this point what do you want?”
I sit and introspect.
I want a massage
I want to understand myself
I want to connect better with people
I want to stop taking everything personally
I want to write better
I want to dance better
I want a lot of money
I want to go get my nails done,
But instead I answer
“I don’t know Janet. I don’t know what I want.”

Of course I’m tired, but
I don’t stop when I’m tired
I stop when I’m done

Eternity’s a long time,
May as well dance tonight

I forgot I am royalty
Too busy throwing my crown
At the feet of a man undeserving of my respect

Never again.

Fierce warrior girl,
With the ***** face,
****** arms
And the broken heart.

Don’t you EVER forget,
You have what it takes
To stand alone.

It’s time to blaze,
You’ve been drowning for too long.

You act high and mighty in the day
When your ego is burning hot with the sun
But darling I know you too well,
And I know the night is coming
When you’re alone.
Alone with your thoughts
Alone with your regrets
With no one next to you to kiss your face all over and wish you goodnight
The night is coming, babe.
And you’re going to reach out in desperation to me.
And I will relish leaving you alone.
The same way you left me.
And knowing that you loved it
To see me sad over you.
I will cherish every desperate cry of regret you utter to me.
And hold them in my heart like treasure
As you bellow again and again “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
And I leave you feeling exactly like you made me feel
Like there is no one there listening
And you’re not heard

You left me to bleed,
Alone.
You left me alone

We delved into a love
From which we never recovered

Deep beneath the pines and firs
Looming in darkness, a mountains soul
Where the eagles make their roost
And the foxes dig their holes
A fire crackles to keep us warm
A blaze standing tall and bright
The forests darkness dims
And flees on the wings of firelight

I whisper vows into my palm
And touch your face with solemn promises.
I will never let you go.
Through a thousand tempests swell,
Or we are cast into fires meant to destroy,
No distance, or time, no dimensional constructs will make my hand slip from yours.
Darling, know this.
No matter what happens

I will
NEVER
Let
You go

Some words flutter on the air
Carried by gentle breezes
But quickly dissipate like the wind

Some words root into your soul
******* up sustenance from inside you
But growing something from within you

Some words dance like fire leaping at your heart
Torching or warming. Useful. Or destructive

Some words run over you like water
Drowning or refreshing you.
Quenching and cleaning away the dirt that doesn’t belong

The saying goes
“When you love someone set them free.”
But my heart pulls with all it’s strength
Against that notion.
When you love someone, make a true, deep effort to love them
Hold onto them
Show them how cherished they are
Because at the end of it all
I’d rather say I loved too much
Than not enough

All I ever wanted to do is love you,
You weren’t ready
You obviously weren’t ready to be loved like I loved you.

I don’t know where I fell out of love.
I don’t know if I ever fell into it, fully.
I don’t know if I was just comfortable.
I don’t know if it’s just that I knew I’d be taken care of.
I don’t know if I cheated myself out of true love.
Or if this IS true love...
I don’t know how I can be so blithe about it all.
After all the bitterness that has built up and sunk into my heart towards you.
I don’t know when I fell out of love.
Or if I am in love.
Or if I ever was.
Or if I am in indifference veiled with a coat of emotional dependency.
I don’t know if this is love.
I don’t know.

Some wish to be the sun,
Dazzling in white flames
Brimming with power
An unrelenting force of nature.
But I wish only to the moon,
The quiet moon looking upon lovers
Grazing on each other’s lips like green pastures
Beaming through a window of one who is pierced by the night,
How I long to shine in the darkness

I just want to kiss his tear stained face,
And show him the type of love that could save someone from their darkest oblivions,
truly does exist

Kiss me and paint my curves with your hands
The way a musician would caress his guitars strings with intention and passion
Play me, my love.
Whisper every desire into my ear

Make me sing

I’m so sorry for being a horribly toxic person and bringing all my sorrows your way, as if they’re your problem.
Where am I meant to go?
It feels like there’s no where,
But down

we fought.
my emotions splashed into a million waves of chaos and catastrophe.
my heart sunk beneath the waves swelling up inside my ribs and into my throat
I was drowning my love. I was drowning.
Where were you?
I was tossed and tormented by our dispute.
when finally I reached out of the waters for the door **** to reconcile, I found you there.
Asleep.
How calm your world was,
when mine was apocalyptic.

I have woven into me, an inherent sadness. One that drills my mind and weakens my bones..
I have a notion, I’ll end up the family tragedy
You know the one.
The one that everyone says
“but she was always smiling.”

I’ll never forget. How could I?
After the way you let me live and love in pure, reckless freedom?
And when everything fades, every tender touch becomes a snapshot memory, hung in some unattended gallery in my mind.. My heart will always remember you, darling.
The heart ALWAYS remembers.

His crystal blue eyes lingered too long on me.
I felt my layers of clothes being peeled back by his unflinching gaze.
My heart pounded and I glanced at him behind the counter.
Not tending to the work that needs to be finished, but looking incessantly towards me.
Clammed up, but strangely sympathetic I allowed his unbroken stare to remain transfixed.
He was old, and ***** minded as he winked and puckered his lips at me when I glanced his way once again.
I looked again into his eyes and wondered what pain has he known?
What have the years twisted him into?
From the time he was a young boy, with a ruddy face and full head of hair, playing with a toy gun he made from a stick.
Why was his heart so tainted, he thought he could make me into whatever his fantasies were making me into at that moment, and not feel bad?
Where did he lose his conscious?
I gathered my courage and looked at him once again, but with a glance not composed of fear and knitted together by disgust. No.
I looked at him, and my heart ceased pounding and smiled at him.
A wide, genuine, true smile.
And nodded my head as if to say “I understand.”
He looked back at me and his blue eyes had changed their story.
No longer leering. They were apologetic and yielding now.
And as I left the store I couldn’t help, but steal a glance one more time, he was still looking, not with lust, but with a sadness, simply nodded his head back to me as if to say
“Thank you for understanding.”

The sage & the joshua tree remind me
Of the miles to go, the journey that I’m on
In the sweet air of the desert
Wait for me, one more night ‘til I get home

I’ll admit, I am hesitant to apologize
Because
A part of me meant every word of what I said

For fallen, she has.
Her brilliance has rust
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust

Her soul was too big for her body
Her spirit was too large for a small minded world

She was haunted by things much worse than ghosts
She was haunted by the past
She’d rather take the ancient entitys
That can be reasoned with,
But the past,
The past can never be reasoned with

Sometimes the most beautiful words in existence to speak are
“Good bye.”

The gavel slammed.
“Guilty of sorcery,  conspiring with the devil, and being in possession of magical potions under guise of medicine.”
Elizabeth fought for her life
“I am no more a witch than you are a wizard! This is unjust!” She screamed, pleading.

That night they hanged her.
They congregated in front of the white church house. Rejoicing that they had rid themselves from the vice of the sin of  divinity infesting their beloved town.

3 years past

And The old white church
That lingered for years beneath
The mossy trees
Rose in flames lapping at the night air
And there they saw only her dark silhouette standing in the door.
And then
She was there no more.

A love like his,
Unrelenting in its pursuit,
Unyielding in its passion
Alluring, comforting
His is no human love
It’s the love
That will chase you down into eternity

She is many people..
Good luck ever trying to understand her

I like my days unplanned
And my life dipped in pink
And chasing down my vitamins
With the occasional alcoholic drink
I savor every calorie I get
Because I typically don’t eat
I simply can’t show myself in public
If my bag doesn’t match what’s on my feet
My nights end at sunrise
And my champagne is fizzy
I like my dinner with good friends
And my breakfast at Tiffany’s

Our daylight egos
Are so quickly shed
As the moons rises
And the night thickens.
Our true feelings are felt
Deepening with the hours
Our raw, tired, vulnerable selves
Are finally free to feel

It’s not that I don’t love you
It’s just that, you’re suffocating me..

She’s a woman rich in wisdom
Doused in the subtle mystery of femininity
Never trying to be a mans equal,
Because she would never dare take off her crown
Made to do everything a man cannot do

If life is art
And this human experience
Is comparable to a masterpiece
Of twisted, convoluted, magical,
Priceless beauty,
If life is art,
I suppose I’m probably
Just a crayon.

Sun dipped kisses
‘Neath a summer sky
A honeysuckle’s scent
Gently wafting by
You look so handsome
In your Wednesday’s best
My eyes dance under your gaze
In my soft pink dress
Picking wildflowers
In the dimming light
You kiss my hand
Under the cashmere twilight

Emancipated I looked on,
The world below me spun.
The last breaths of the day slipped away
Fleeting with the setting sun

Then, as if mirroring the stars above,
The lights of the city lit,
I opened my arms about to fall,
But decided against it.

Not today, not in this way
No, there’s still beauty left to behold
I trembled as I stepped down
And shivered in the deathly cold

Forever I’ll be
Your dark romantic doubt
The one who lingers in your mind
When all the lights go out
I’ll appear in shadows
When you thought I was gone
You’ll replay every inch of me
Even if it’s wrong
You’ve moved on
Of course that’s not a sin
But I’ll haunt the deep of your soul
As you realize, you’ll never find love like mine again

Drive with me
Hold my hand tight
I’m about to put my foot down
And we’re gonna disappear into the night
No cares no worries
No eyes to see or know
What I’m gonna do to you
When we park in a deserted canyon road
Kiss me deep, kiss me true
Kiss beneath the wavy blue
Empty sky, what will we find
Come with me
and I’ll blow your mind

Kiss me in the defeated darkness
Kiss me as the light goes out
And nothing is left of the day,
But us
Skin to skin

We descend a little deeper
Into the dark vaults of each others minds
The shameful promiscuity's
We’ve encountered in our time
The recesses of drunken escapades
We’ve long since escaped
Kissing prostitutes
And laughing in Gods face
Yet how the years have broken us
How we found each other in the dirt
How fiercely we love each other
Because we’ve both been fiercely hurt
How the years melt away
In the cool evening of our love
How a garden blooms in our heart
A garden that grew out of death & mud

He unwound himself
Into my soul
Laying on my breast
I whispered how I adored him
As he rested on my chest
Hard day
Hard life
He’s not weak
Just been strong to long
So I stroked his head
And kissed his neck
And sang him our song

She’s pleads with you today
“Please listen.”
But her pleas fall like seed
Onto dead ground
You refuse.
You refuse her any kind sympathy
You refuse her a gentle touch
A word of affection
Or affirmation
No whispered assurance
Into her love starved ear
that everything is alright,
That you are not going anywhere
She keeps asking, begging really
For your ears to incline to her
But this too, you refuse to give
So tomorrow,
Don’t stare longingly out of your dusty morning window wondering to the dawn
“Where did I go wrong?”
It was right in front of you
And you lost her
You lost the one who loved you,
That you refused to love back

Remember,
You’re the villain in someone’s story