There has indeed always been a sense of magic in the old house. Especially at dusk, as the setting sun steeps the estate in golden hues. The land was wild and luscious, seemingly unmaintained, embellished with wild chamomile and daisies. History wrote itself into every wall, every blade of dense southern grass, every calcified window and crackling chip of paint held, each in its right, a weightiness, an undeniable depth of bygone years. Martha stood in the old servants kitchen and sipped her coffee long and thoughtfully. The chairs weathered by time and countless night family sat on those cushions. Laughter still echoed in the rooms, ricocheting  off picture frames and pinging off Marthas near deaf ear-drums. She felt the years in the walls, she felt the years in her bones. How she would miss this home.

She's not the damsel.

She's the dragon.

A relationship is doomed
When just staying mad at each other is easier than saying
"I'm sorry.'

He abused himself
So of course he could abuse me

I cannot deny,
The man could materialize anything I wished for.
A passing fancy, an eye catching item could and did appear whenever in his finacial power to do so.
I could have anything...
I knew it too.
But in the end all that fluff was to compensate for his lack of emotional richness.
The lack of any character depth or owning a strong self-identity.
I was never hungry with the man.
My belly was always full.
But my heart was always empty.

He rippled "I don't understand you!"
"Of course you don't." she replied.
"Storms aren't made to be understood."

Perhaps the reason there is so much suffering in this world is because
We aren't made for this world

They were the counterbalance
The weight that held the other steady
He was born in depravity
And lived a depraved life
He longed for goodness...
She was born in privledge
And lived accordingly.
She was curious about darkness...
They met and satisfied each others greatest longings
A desperate ebb and flow that kept them in rhythem
They were opposed, but equal
They were in love

Outwardly,
You had a cold, sturdy hardness
Of a mountain.
Inwardly,
You were filled with caves of wisdom and gold to glean
So call me a gold digger
Because I want to dig into you

I sit at the empty kitchen table
And cradle my head in my hands
Tears hit thick and warm on my cheek
And slide like a melting glacier
Made of the ice in my heart.
I listen to the trees tussle outside
A symphony of wind and leaves,
And I play my day over in my head,
And find I am so happy I didn’t buy
The plaque I saw in the store today that read
“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs, does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers, love never fails”

I’m happy I didn’t buy that
Because sitting here in this empty kitchen,
I know that is not our love.

My therapist leans forward in her brown leather chair
And thoughtfully places her hands and investigating, asks me
“So at the this point what do you want?”
I sit and introspect.
I want a massage
I want to understand myself
I want to connect better with people
I want to stop taking everything personally
I want to write better
I want to dance better
I want a lot of money
I want to go get my nails done,
But instead I answer
“I don’t know Janet. I don’t know what I want.”

Of course I’m tired, but
I don’t stop when I’m tired
I stop when I’m done

Eternity’s a long time,
May as well dance tonight

I forgot I am royalty
Too busy throwing my crown
At the feet of a man undeserving of my respect

Never again.

Fierce warrior girl,
With the ***** face,
****** arms
And the broken heart.

Don’t you EVER forget,
You have what it takes
To stand alone.

It’s time to blaze,
You’ve been drowning for too long.

You act high and mighty in the day
When your ego is burning hot with the sun
But darling I know you too well,
And I know the night is coming
When you’re alone.
Alone with your thoughts
Alone with your regrets
With no one next to you to kiss your face all over and wish you goodnight
The night is coming, babe.
And you’re going to reach out in desperation to me.
And I will relish leaving you alone.
The same way you left me.
And knowing that you loved it
To see me sad over you.
I will cherish every desperate cry of regret you utter to me.
And hold them in my heart like treasure
As you bellow again and again “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
And I leave you feeling exactly like you made me feel
Like there is no one there listening
And you’re not heard

You left me to bleed,
Alone.
You left me alone

We delved into a love
From which we never recovered

Deep beneath the pines and firs
Looming in darkness, a mountains soul
Where the eagles make their roost
And the foxes dig their holes
A fire crackles to keep us warm
A blaze standing tall and bright
The forests darkness dims
And flees on the wings of firelight

I whisper vows into my palm
And touch your face with solemn promises.
I will never let you go.
Through a thousand tempests swell,
Or we are cast into fires meant to destroy,
No distance, or time, no dimensional constructs will make my hand slip from yours.
Darling, know this.
No matter what happens

I will
NEVER
Let
You go

Some words flutter on the air
Carried by gentle breezes
But quickly dissipate like the wind

Some words root into your soul
******* up sustenance from inside you
But growing something from within you

Some words dance like fire leaping at your heart
Torching or warming. Useful. Or destructive

Some words run over you like water
Drowning or refreshing you.
Quenching and cleaning away the dirt that doesn’t belong

The saying goes
“When you love someone set them free.”
But my heart pulls with all it’s strength
Against that notion.
When you love someone, make a true, deep effort to love them
Hold onto them
Show them how cherished they are
Because at the end of it all
I’d rather say I loved too much
Than not enough

All I ever wanted to do is love you,
You weren’t ready
You obviously weren’t ready to be loved like I loved you.

I don’t know where I fell out of love.
I don’t know if I ever fell into it, fully.
I don’t know if I was just comfortable.
I don’t know if it’s just that I knew I’d be taken care of.
I don’t know if I cheated myself out of true love.
Or if this IS true love...
I don’t know how I can be so blithe about it all.
After all the bitterness that has built up and sunk into my heart towards you.
I don’t know when I fell out of love.
Or if I am in love.
Or if I ever was.
Or if I am in indifference veiled with a coat of emotional dependency.
I don’t know if this is love.
I don’t know.

Some wish to be the sun,
Dazzling in white flames
Brimming with power
An unrelenting force of nature.
But I wish only to the moon,
The quiet moon looking upon lovers
Grazing on each other’s lips like green pastures
Beaming through a window of one who is pierced by the night,
How I long to shine in the darkness

I just want to kiss his tear stained face,
And show him the type of love that could save someone from their darkest oblivions,
truly does exist

Kiss me and paint my curves with your hands
The way a musician would caress his guitars strings with intention and passion
Play me, my love.
Whisper every desire into my ear

Make me sing

I’m so sorry for being a horribly toxic person and bringing all my sorrows your way, as if they’re your problem.
Where am I meant to go?
It feels like there’s no where,
But down

we fought.
my emotions splashed into a million waves of chaos and catastrophe.
my heart sunk beneath the waves swelling up inside my ribs and into my throat
I was drowning my love. I was drowning.
Where were you?
I was tossed and tormented by our dispute.
when finally I reached out of the waters for the door **** to reconcile, I found you there.
Asleep.
How calm your world was,
when mine was apocalyptic.

I have woven into me, an inherent sadness. One that drills my mind and weakens my bones..
I have a notion, I’ll end up the family tragedy
You know the one.
The one that everyone says
“but she was always smiling.”

I’ll never forget. How could I?
After the way you let me live and love in pure, reckless freedom?
And when everything fades, every tender touch becomes a snapshot memory, hung in some unattended gallery in my mind.. My heart will always remember you, darling.
The heart ALWAYS remembers.

His crystal blue eyes lingered too long on me.
I felt my layers of clothes being peeled back by his unflinching gaze.
My heart pounded and I glanced at him behind the counter.
Not tending to the work that needs to be finished, but looking incessantly towards me.
Clammed up, but strangely sympathetic I allowed his unbroken stare to remain transfixed.
He was old, and ***** minded as he winked and puckered his lips at me when I glanced his way once again.
I looked again into his eyes and wondered what pain has he known?
What have the years twisted him into?
From the time he was a young boy, with a ruddy face and full head of hair, playing with a toy gun he made from a stick.
Why was his heart so tainted, he thought he could make me into whatever his fantasies were making me into at that moment, and not feel bad?
Where did he lose his conscious?
I gathered my courage and looked at him once again, but with a glance not composed of fear and knitted together by disgust. No.
I looked at him, and my heart ceased pounding and smiled at him.
A wide, genuine, true smile.
And nodded my head as if to say “I understand.”
He looked back at me and his blue eyes had changed their story.
No longer leering. They were apologetic and yielding now.
And as I left the store I couldn’t help, but steal a glance one more time, he was still looking, not with lust, but with a sadness, simply nodded his head back to me as if to say
“Thank you for understanding.”

The sage & the joshua tree remind me
Of the miles to go, the journey that I’m on
In the sweet air of the desert
Wait for me, one more night ‘til I get home

I’ll admit, I am hesitant to apologize
Because
A part of me meant every word of what I said

For fallen, she has.
Her brilliance has rust
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust

Her soul was too big for her body
Her spirit was too large for a small minded world

She was haunted by things much worse than ghosts
She was haunted by the past
She’d rather take the ancient entitys
That can be reasoned with,
But the past,
The past can never be reasoned with

Sometimes the most beautiful words in existence to speak are
“Good bye.”

The gavel slammed.
“Guilty of sorcery,  conspiring with the devil, and being in possession of magical potions under guise of medicine.”
Elizabeth fought for her life
“I am no more a witch than you are a wizard! This is unjust!” She screamed, pleading.

That night they hanged her.
They congregated in front of the white church house. Rejoicing that they had rid themselves from the vice of the sin of  divinity infesting their beloved town.

3 years past

And The old white church
That lingered for years beneath
The mossy trees
Rose in flames lapping at the night air
And there they saw only her dark silhouette standing in the door.
And then
She was there no more.

A love like his,
Unrelenting in its pursuit,
Unyielding in its passion
Alluring, comforting
His is no human love
It’s the love
That will chase you down into eternity

She is many people..
Good luck ever trying to understand her

I like my days unplanned
And my life dipped in pink
And chasing down my vitamins
With the occasional alcoholic drink
I savor every calorie I get
Because I typically don’t eat
I simply can’t show myself in public
If my bag doesn’t match what’s on my feet
My nights end at sunrise
And my champagne is fizzy
I like my dinner with good friends
And my breakfast at Tiffany’s

Our daylight egos
Are so quickly shed
As the moons rises
And the night thickens.
Our true feelings are felt
Deepening with the hours
Our raw, tired, vulnerable selves
Are finally free to feel

It’s not that I don’t love you
It’s just that, you’re suffocating me..

She’s a woman rich in wisdom
Doused in the subtle mystery of femininity
Never trying to be a mans equal,
Because she would never dare take off her crown
Made to do everything a man cannot do

If life is art
And this human experience
Is comparable to a masterpiece
Of twisted, convoluted, magical,
Priceless beauty,
If life is art,
I suppose I’m probably
Just a crayon.

Sun dipped kisses
‘Neath a summer sky
A honeysuckle’s scent
Gently wafting by
You look so handsome
In your Wednesday’s best
My eyes dance under your gaze
In my soft pink dress
Picking wildflowers
In the dimming light
You kiss my hand
Under the cashmere twilight