I was sorting my memories,
from left to right,
placing them carefully
on each side of a scale.
I was hoping to find a balance
to settle my thoughts;
an equilibrium
that would calm my mind.
But I soon discovered,
my dark memories
were much heavier
than all the others,
and my perspective was burdened
by an unfriendly past.

I wish I could just take
all that melancholy
and pile it high,
all those failures,
mistakes
and betrayals,
then strike a match
setting fire to the darkness
consuming it to dust,
scattered and weightless.
Only then would the scale tip
back in my favour.
Only then would my true memories
be measured.

It's how I feel,
not who I am.

I want to feel worthwhile
I want a peaceful mind
that turns away from suicide.

I want life to be
my greatest accomplishment,
not death.

I save my life every day.
Every morning I wake up
and decide to live,
even though my limbs are heavy
and my mind stumbles,
I still heave myself up,
put my feet on the floor
and stand

A soft breeze of hope
brushed across my cheek.
I had thought I was dead -
I should have been dead -
but no
I felt my future's caress.

Slowly I opened my eyes
And recognized
that circumstance had saved me
or perhaps
something more had saved me.
I can't be sure.
All I know is
a soft breeze of hope
brushed across my cheek

I'm carrying my corpse today.
With every step,
I stagger beneath its weight.
My muscles are taut,
flexed to the point of breaking
I can't hold on much longer
I'm so tired
I just want to lay down
And let it drape over me.

My death is a private matter.
- but it's not -
So much pain.
So tired.
I can't stop now.

Disjointed words
Broken thoughts

I am sorry.