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I'm sorry
because I can't control my broken mind.
Please, forgive me
because I don't know what to do with my toxic feelings.
You need to understand,
that my mind is dark and I have trust issues,
that some days it's impossible for me to care about the people I love.
I  don't want you to leave me,
because even though I can act like I don't need you
you are the one that's keeping my boat afloat.
But I'm not the type of person you need in your life;
You need someone willing to dry your tears
and I'm one of the reasons why you cry at night.
You need a lighthouse to show you the way back to sanity,
and I'm a storm that causes you  anxiety.
And because I love you
deep enough to realize how toxic I am to you,
so much that it hurts to see you hurting because of my words,
I'll have to say goodbye.
Because I care about you,
and if you stay with me
I'll end up breaking you.
La explicación que nunca te llego
 Oct 2018 Matthew
sitting in your corvette
bass boosted songs
and friday sunlight reflecting
off crisp puddles from yesterday
you hit the gas
and my hair goes straight
to the roof
feels like i’m trapped in
a fish bowl, sports cars
easy to get in
but impossible to get out
maybe that’s your plan
 Oct 2018 Matthew
so what
 Oct 2018 Matthew
broke out the winters box
of warm clothing
got a heated blanket
cuddles on the couch
with nothing underneath
the birds sing and your warmth
could split a heart of granite
 Oct 2018 Matthew
Piano and guitar playing light songs
soft tape, fresh rain, streets oblique
christmas lights on her walls like she
lives in a dorm, eucalyptus smelling
fresco paintings with 666s on them
bring on the full Fall, dim cars
outside and their alarms or engines
in the pause of our sleepy conversations
we go in deep when we’re satisfied with
the noise we’ve made
 Oct 2018 Matthew
lip bite
 Oct 2018 Matthew
never meant to fight ya
now that you're gone
i know why i hated when
everything felt right
because when i was with you
i couldn't help but lip bite
for all the wrongs and bruises
in a blue bedroom alone
back to feeling nothing
not even the sweet sting
of a lip bite
okay so HP's censoring is really wack, had a completely swearwordless, normal outdoor poem and suddenly it's explicit. Wonder which if i knew which words could actually not be censored that'd be greattttttttttttttttttt
 Oct 2018 Matthew
october box
 Oct 2018 Matthew
i guess i still miss you
but talking’s for functioning people
when we stand stark
at the vertices of our dog days
we don’t say anything at all
in uncharted autumn
we still have a little sun left
trying to make sense
of the irregularities that compact
this relationship
into tiny little boxes we check
every once and awhile
 Sep 2018 Matthew
just in case
you’re in a dark place
and can’t seem
to find a light switch
or matches even
I want you to know
you are loved
maybe not by yourself
but you are
even though it sounds
like a fairytale for now
at some point
you’ll find the light switch
or the matches
and you’ll be able to see
that the fairytale
came true
and you’re the one
that made it happen
 Sep 2018 Matthew
big mood rn
 Sep 2018 Matthew
sometimes i think about you
other times you worm yourself
back inside my dreams like a solicitor
strain to hear your voice

i'm striking attitudes with you as the sun sets
of course, young and stupid
can't really hide my emotions
at all when i'm around you

we're always together where
i last spoke to you before; at that **** park
i don't go to anymore because memories hurt
since you killed yourself, aren't we always depressed

speak to me your secrets and the signs
i've always failed to see
give me all your wisdoms
and the sense of urgency in your voice
before i wake up broken from the dreams
stuff that melts my heart into wax
voice to a whimper
bones like water
body empty
and thoughts missing you
but running forever
 Sep 2018 Matthew
 Sep 2018 Matthew
knew a girl named Faith
who had none at all
husky breath, taut body
aligning laughter with anyone in sight
sotto voce-
fading into the carriage of the night
rolling within the mazes she chooses

she's a tall tower squishing my chest
tabi heels from margiela
give her all my love but it's never enough
takes it all and serves it to everyone
crosses for earrings
knew a girl named Faith
and i love her
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