I look at different people all day
I admire them from afar and take notes
I dress as them and try to fit in
I’ve learned makeup
It’s all I being doing lately
I try to look nice and try outfits more open that what is usual
I enjoy it but I don’t feel pretty or happy
I feel numb
My parents don’t noticed the change
They’re only happy that I’ve been acting like a “girl”
I want to impress strangers that will never matter
I try to get boys to notice me despite the fact I’m not straight
I don’t know why
I think it’s because I want someone to notice me
Maybe even like me
I don’t know
Maybe it’s because I want something
Something to replace the numbness
I know it sounds stupid to vent about such a subject
But right now it’s what has taken over my life
I don’t know what to do
To make it better