' I found my first grey ***** hair " my husband said today
His voice was soft and full of dread - I had to look away.
We sat in silence very still - you could have heard a penny
I didn't know quite what to say so said " I don't have any "
" Today at noon I went for lunch " he quietly replied
" The hair was in my bagel "
I laughed until I cried.

You said that you were leaving, you said you needed more
But hadn't we made sweet love just the afternoon before,
You'd rent a downtown studio and leave me with the lease
I found it hard to even breathe, oh lord grant me some peace
You said I had no vision, we know that's not quite true
I had such plans for just us three, our dog and me and you
A little house, a garden gate, you'd paint a pink front door
Now I won't save my money, cos we won't live there anymore
I'd buy you blue hydrangeas, you didn't like your nose
Your look was kinda quirky with ill fitting thrift store clothes

You started going out to clubs, loud music, flashing lights
But I don't really dance much and the drinks are overpriced
So I stayed home to mind our dog, he hates to be alone
Never checked when you  got home
I try to find a pattern to the lies and the deceit, were you exchanging numbers with the men that you would meet,
: It's just some drinks with girls' from work "
The texts that you'd delete

You took way more than your fair share, didn't leave me with enough, but I have my art, my dogs my books.
While you collected stuff, I vacuum the apartment and tidying up the drawers, the place looks so much cleaner than it ever was before
I finf some things you left behind and put them in a box
" Say could you come and get it, I'd appreciate it very much "
You say " I like what you have done how you've rearranged your stuff "
I think yeah it's called minimalist, cos you didn't leave me much
I hugged you said "You're looking good ' you didn't hug me back
And then you left I realized, dpon't need no welcome mat

Now every time I go downtown, I break out in a sweat
Cos I don't want to see you and I haven't seen him yet
So I'm moving to Los Angeles with palm trees, surf and sand
Though I will probably stay inside, cos I don't really tan
I'm standing on the sidewalk, waiting for my ride
My dog is in his carry case with his favourite chewy bone
I dread the lines, security, and travelling alone
But nowhere feels like home.

And every night I pray to God that it will end in tears
You'll wonder what became of me through the ensuing years,
You will pull my picture, I'll be by a pink front door,
Not looking wretched anymore, cos I'll have put on weight
You'll see the blue hydrangeas planted just inside the gate
And on a checkered blanket, under a shady tree
A little curly haired child, a minature of me
I hope you'll cry some bitter tears remembering what you,ve done
Does your mind ever take you to that dreamy Summer morn,
When we laughed and primped and preened, and put our finest on
Nervous anticipation, happiness and pride
Finally those five words were spoken  "you may kiss your bride "
With trembling hands I lifted up the creamy spotted lace,
Bent down and very softly kissed your pale and tear stained face

I'd buy you blue hydrangeas, you didn't like your nose
I used to like to watch you paint your pale and dainty toes
A pretty peachy colour, it's name was dusky rose
Don't know why I remember that, just lonely I suppose

An official looking notice said he had passed away
A service for his tortured soul was being held today,
I plan to get there early, to get a front row seat
I've always loved to people watch -
Who knows who one may meet
Everybodys' whis-pering, they wonder how he died
Though nothing is official -  they're betting suicide

Courtney stands alone in a two piece textured suit,
MJ leans against the wall in high heeled leather boots
A familiar face is walking in - he must have taken leave
Wraps the mother in a hug, her hand upon his sleeve
I've never seen his brothers' in a jacket or a tie
They look so tall and handsome, as usual side by side
Nick and Faith walk in together, she wears a floppy hat
Stands next to Portland hipsters - all buckles, leather straps
Sean engages Stefan, Lisa holds the arm of Vince
He really hasn't aged a day, I haven't seen him since
we double-dated sisters', we bought a birthday card
Tried to get to second base, they smiled and hit us hard.

All heads turn in unison they see you walking in
Lips stained a dark bur-gun-dy, defiance to your chin,
Lowered eyes survey the crowd resigned to this days fate
You wish it hadn't come to this, the switch from love to hate
Your dress is black, above the knee, the bodice spotted lace
A pillbox hat perched on your head, the veil to hide your face
I knew you'd wear your purple heels, they make your legs look long, but underneath the prim facade,
Pink bra and matching thong
I'm enjoying your discomfort as you pause inside the gate
You'd loathe to be too early, and you wouldn't dare be late
You fumble with the clasp of an expensive looking tote
Pull a lighter from its depths- I've never seen you smoke
That pretty auburn haired girl whose name I can't recall
Tells a story of him to muffled laughter and applause
Is that the music starting? We'd better go inside
Someone holds the door for you, you smile, but not to wide

I'm bounding up the staircase - no one appears to see
The view is priceless- truely - front row of balcony
His mother's gently weeping, his father's looking grim
My eyes are one direction on your pale and perfect skin
Mira dabs at her nose, her handkerchief trimmed with lace
Why my wife do tears not run down your exquisite face
Your hand gently fondles a golden chain with hanging heart
But I am focused on your thighs - the ones I used to part
You steal a glance at your watch, you have to be discreet
Think of your waiting lover, parked in a nearby street

I remember that I couldn't sleep, so put on Leonard Cohen
I don't know how he did it - he just had a way of knowin'
Sheets were turning crimson as the blood began to seep
That's all that I remember - I just drifted off to sleep
I dreamed you'd sent hydrangeas, a bright and brilliant blue
Could you not think of something else than what I'd give to you,
Lilies, peonys, tulips, lilac or a rose
I'd buy you blue hydrangeas when you didn't like your nose
Soaring Hallelujah chorus fills my darkened room
From my bed I see the clock, it's time to get up soon
I pad into the kitchen to get my dog a treat
Make a mental note to apologize to my neighbours when we meet,
In the hallway, or the lobby, or the park across the street
" I'm sorry man, the other night, I guess you couldn't sleep "
Turned off my record player that was programmed to repeat

I'd buy you blue hydrangeas - you didn't like your nose
I noticed that you'd changed your hair and you had on new clothes