I hold myself
in contempt,
or I don't.
Either way
my day is spent
doing what I want,
wanting what I do.

you should’ve never unpacked your bags,
because it gave me this expectation that you were in this for the long run. i’m still running. i have swallowed so much blood that tastes like your regret from biting down my tongue to cage it behind my teeth from screaming about you to a world that wants my blood for ink.
i am more than a number, but 24 makes me feel better than 26, so i sit in jeans that leave red marks on my hips and make it hard to breathe, but see it’s two inches and
i am more than a number, but i know every test score i ever got and still remember fourth grade and question three and crying because suddenly my mistakes had weight and i couldn’t fix things by saying sorry and
i am more than a number, but i was always the middle child, always the not-quite one, not the best friend to anyone, just a girl with kind eyes and jeans that are a little bit too tight and
i am more than a number but to you i am seventeen, ten and three. and lets be clear; it’s the three that haunts me, because *** doesn’t matter and ‘girlfriend’ is just a label, but i wish i was the first girl you truly loved, and sometimes i still wish i was the last, but with you i fear i’ll forever be just another number.
i drove over 17 bridges the other day and next week i'll do it again and i think nobody gets what that means except maybe you.
i just tell them i love the scenery, that somebody must've made these trees blush just for me.
you know how i love to change the subject?
i bet they'd love the view. i bet you would too.
and all these metaphors for other things are beside the point.
this is a metaphor for why i don't wear my seatbelt, a metaphor for why whiskey knows me better than you could ever try to.
all the buildings seemed to sag yesterday and all the stars are doing that cliche thing where they talk quiet jet noise and some lumbering giant made everything shake.
not those hand metaphors, not another one of those & keep the sea to yourself,
i think it was a train, it's sound hugged the embankment for a moment and then trailed off into nowhere,
and that's kind of like me
how there's a town called 'rescue' close to my home and it's no coincidence that i've never been there.
i’m just flatlining now and hoping that you can look at the next girl the way i looked at you.

I read
a digital sign today,
it went something like this..
            "Some mistakes are too ****** cool to make only once"

To which my head replied... 'or twice for that matter'.

I don't understand myself when everything goes my way
but I carry a big ten inch snit...

This morning I found
a silver ring and an empty bottle of
                               FIREBALL Cinnamon Whisky.

    I have never drank the stuff but it sounds as bad as White Shark,
a hanged over in a glass vessel.

What a way to start the day, day two on the way to breaking the cigarette habit..
                                 I have to on the count of they're killing me.. But I love my smoke.
    Thank you God for the e-cigarette.. I love love, love you, oh thank you Lord!

         And the puff-puff-pass doesn't help,
I have to buy stock in Halls Cough Drops,
  I use them so much I've had to take a second mortgage out on the house that I will never own.

Anyway, the lady's gone to bed and I have music floatin' in my head.. was ****** most of the day
              but you can't keep a good man down.


end © 2014

The most profound words
Throughout history
To me:
And maybe to you:
"Forgive them, Father
They know not what they do"

I know you love me
And you know I loved you
Once
My love changed you
You did not react well to being loved
Or maybe loving
But you became a different person
I am not blaming you for
Changing
Though you are clearly blaming
Me
For refusing to accept
That you have changed
From the person I
Fell in love with
Perhaps it is
You who is the bad person
I do not know if there
Needs to be one
Best wishes
To you

A couple of times
I called one of my grandkids
"******."
They told me they didn't like it
I apologized
And told them
I thought I was paying them
A huge compliment
They also don't like it
When I call them "beautiful"
(They're boys)
I think they might be being
Too picky
Which is probably
The opposite of weird

If you cry alone in the shower
I suggest
You strategically place yourself in the bath

How does
It come to pass
That no one in Catholic church
Realizes it is traumatizing to a
Child
To tell them they're
Eating
"The body of Christ"
?

He doesn't burn photographs
He doesn't join therapy sessions
He doesn't smoke too many cigarettes
Nor he drown himself into alcohol
He scratches his wounds daily
And never let them heal
He doesn't try to get rid of the pain
Instead he let it grow on him
He waters the seed of sorrow with his tears
He feeds it with the manure of old memories
He takes it to sleep with him
And nurtures it in himself
Till the moment when every single drop of his blood gets replaced by this pain
Until his fragile heart can bear no more
And his soul starts overflowing with emotions
That's when he dip his pen into this pain
And empty his heart on a piece of paper
He bares his soul for us to feel
He creates poetry that the world would cherish for centuries to come

a thirst for the divine inspiration
which is probably hidden
in this coffee bean.

structure & form are reflective of
meaning & function,
so what does that make my body?
what does that make my face?

other people's opinions are always
teasing like they were brushes
and the strands of my hair were days
but the 80s are long gone and
i've got bigger dogs to wrestle.

if you compare a strong mule to a
peeping baby bird
you've wrapped up the history of thought
in two corrosive words.

i want fervently to have hope in my species.
but i walk a path that weaves tight
between compassion & contempt.

if structure &
form are reflective
of meaning & function,
then i am trickling down
with the fresh melted snow,
pouring myself in a muddy stream
filled with silver gold spirals that span
the visible spectrum, elongating & growing forever