I am crippling
First board breaks, sends a rippling
Feel the slipping in
Foundation never listening

It falls
In slabs
To the ground
If no one’s around, does it even make a sound?

Father left
His family was in debt
He spent every cent
He had a wife, three kids
Breaking at the wood, his aim never missed.

Brother drunk
Every night
At first it was fun, but then he got into another fight
Stealing to the streets
To satisfy his longing
Never far from the home
Doing all the wronging  

The mother is always distant
Going ballistic
Sometimes she’d drink
And you’d want her too
‘Cause when she was sober, she’d take it out on you

Hollow
Just let the people wallow in their sorrow

The door is all warped
The rug is out of love
The windows are cracked
The house will never last

When the person steps inside
They don’t know where to begin
Feel like they’ll never fit in
Know that they will never win
I guess that’s why when people address me
They call me broken

six million
Jews
six million
souls
six million
dreamers
six million
storytellers
six million
innocents
six million
fathers
six million
daughters
six million
mothers
six million
sons
six million
laughers
six million
singers
six million
dancers
six million
Jews
murdered
by one speck of
hate.

I wish I could hold the night. It doesn't stay long enough. I hardly get a taste of it. I'm stuck in my room, trying to sleep. But I can't. If my bed had wings, I'd fly into the night and I'd see the world without colour and imagine I was the one painting it.
                                                        -What would you use?
I'd improvise. I'd use words. Words have colour, you know. Voices. Thoughts. Music.
                                                      -What type of music?
The type of music that makes you feel life is worth living. That somehow, everything has a place, even when it doesn't.

I sometimes wonder about the clouds. They have everything they could ever imagine - nutrients, beauty, a breathtaking view on the top of the world. They're friends with the stars. Yet, they wander. Hopelessly. The sky is different every day because the clouds keep on moving, floating to nowhere. And even though it has it all, it begins to sink as it replenishes the ground with it's rain.
                                                      -You're a strange one.
I used to think so.

                                    -Do you think they'll ever write a book about us?
That depends. Who are you?
                                                    -Wouldn't you like to know.
Are you my conscience?
                                                 -If I were, you'd know it.
I don't understand.
                                           -You will, in time. tell me more.
I'm afraid I've run out of things to say.
                                     -No you haven't. You never could, as long as the things you say are written.

Do you know how I danced? I twirled and twirled without stopping. The crickets was my music. The greenest grass you've ever seen was my carpet. I danced until the moon slid into the sky. I danced, barefoot.
                                                 -And you laughed.
I don't remember anyone being there.
                                        -But I was. I admired how you danced like you didn't care if others were watching.

I usually care.
                                         -You didn't then.

Feel the wind! I'm gonna travel it one day!
                                           -You already are.
Is it bad that I've already begun to craft my memoirs? I think of them at night. I'm too young to die, but a part of my spirit wonders if that's true.
                                         -You will never die.
Easy for you to say. I'm sure you're immortal, right?.... No response? Well, if I die, it will be from writing myself out until I fade.
                                       -No. You'd die if you didn't write yourself out.

Who are you anyway?
                                      -.....

Every day is the same
We get up and we get dressed
Then we leave and we try to forget
It's a cycle and we need rest
We want to believe we'll get past this
But will we ever get past this?

I'm trying to find my place
I'm trying to find a strategy
I can't erase my life
So I watch while it erases me

Put the pill in, still, I sink
That doesn't work so a needle, a kink
I'm on the brink
I need to breathe something
I need, I need, I need
to believe in something
I'm addicted to believing in all the wrong things

We're addicted
If this is all life is, then we cannot resist
The pattern, the object, with all of its tricks
We're addicted
Will we ever stop?

I'm addicted to saying, "I'm okay"
You know those days, every day
Clearly, I'm hurting inside, but when someone comes up I just lie
I lie about a lot of things, actually

I'm addicted to love
But it's not really love
I'm chasing relationship after vacation this is only attraction its a fraction of something cold inside me
Tell me you love me
I'll show you I love you
But I don't really

We're addicted

What if I were to tell you?
That we have someone else to be satisfied
People say, "Why you gotta drag Him in"
Otherwise, our lives would be a lie
All a lie

Let's be addicted
to God's love
It's so uplifting
It's always enough
If this is what love is, then I feel it
The peace, and the hope, and I reel it in
I'll need to come back again and again

Addicted
We don't have to stop

We get up and we get dressed
Get down on our knees 'cause we know we're blessed
Not a routine, not a plead
But a lifeline
He will always satisfy

Your hands look soft, like the formation of a memory
Slowly molding it
Wet clay that will crystallize to look fondly upon

"And with remorse," she atoned "With bitterness"

"Yes," I reckoned
But your eyes could never manufacture such a memory

"How do you know?"
She looked at her hands, small on her lap

"Because they are beautiful."

She smiled

She was already knitting a keepsake memory

I don't know why I keep dreaming about you
Every night, a different place, a different face, and yet I chase and yet you're there
And we talk and we laugh and you're there
Why?
I don't need you
I told myself I let you go, that you were fading like the muted colour of a tapestry that never should've been woven in the first place
I told myself I was through
With you
So why won't you leave?
You've gotten a hold of my dreams, moonlight streaming by the eaves
I'm used to it now
I look forward to it now
We're such friends at night, something I never knew during the day
We're secure at night, something I never felt during the day
I wonder if, one night in salty dreamland, you won't be there
You'll leave - never return
Will I miss you?
I've been dreaming about you - I must somehow have a connection
Still
Like there's a string in me that's subconsciously connected to you
I wonder
Are you dreaming of me?
And why
Do I even care?

Some nights I look out at the world
Wondering if time stood still
Would things really change

I see the beauty in most everything
How nature is like music
Makes my heart want to sing
And I wonder
How our thoughts get rearranged

How people can think
That life is misery
Heart as black as ink
At least, that's what they tell me

How people can think
That there's no hope
There are others less fortunate
So we must cope
What a joke
That's why I tell me

Just look at the chestnut tree

A moment
Otherwise commonplace

Then
The door swings open
And a word is unenthused - a welcome
"Rosaline" - It's Rosaline's father who is hanging by the back door, clad in a raincoat with palpable raindrops

He's holding something
Small, oval shaped
"It's an egg," he says "A duck egg"

Rose ventures closer, not believing him
She's fond of nature and herb remedies
She sees the gel-like substance, void of protective shell, a faint orange block bobbing ever so slightly inside

She topples to the floor in disbelief
Smiling, grinning, actually, at the discovering

She's also wary

It's fragile

We all come closer
Rose rests a fingertip on the squishy egg
She exclaims, "It's heartbeat. I can feel it's heartbeat."

Its heart is weak, but it's still miraculous to feel

How? Can someone excuse life when they feel it in their fingertips?

The duck inside will one day hatch, soon
I believe it will thrive despite the cold

It will grow, and chirp, and flounder

But it is life

We could not bear to see the elementary duckling die

Because once you've touched life
You long for nothing else

What’s the one thing we long for?
The one thing that’ll break our hundred brick wall
You might say money
But funny
‘Cuz I wasn’t going to say that at all
Perhaps it’s jewelry
But I’d be wearing some, surely

No, the one thing we invest our life in
Is something more than simply an expensive item

We look for love in the most strange places
Like behind a wall, under a table, or in a collection of cases
And the place I think we look to the most
Is hollywood - our computer screen - with that beautiful model as a host
You see, the world tells us love is something you get that you have to earn
An emotion that may only last a turn
‘Cuz you know the world is prone to change its mind
One second it’s anchored at the sea - the next at the sky

And so we live life
A zombie
Wandering around like a lovesick - wannabe
Thought you caught love in your butterfly net
But if flies off - you haven’t seen it yet

We’ve been failed so many times
But people who told us we were loved but then jumped to the next lines
We try to prioritize
Put something else on the top of our list
But deep inside we know it’s our heart we don’t want to risk

I could slam more words on you
But let me get to the point
The true meaning of love doesn’t waver at its joint

Love is - and you might hate me for this -
Not just a hug, not just a kiss
It’s not something you can earn ‘cuz we know we’re just walking mistakes
So who is the mysterious giver
Who gives and doesn’t take?
Well, in a word, it’s God
Someone who is and gives that one thing we long for: love

You might not be too sure of this God
Might just think he’s a being who doesn’t care whether you live or die
Afterall, it’s he just that “Pie in the Sky”?
Or maybe you don’t even think he exists
Where’s he been?
There are all these years he’s missed

Well, I’d say he’s been right here
Right beside you
Ready to lift you when you fall
Ready to answer when you call

The one thing I can’t stand
Is when people think God hates them
When he’s the very one who made them

And most importantly he has the one thing we claim is our destiny
He has love
You may laugh at me
‘Cuz maybe your vision of God is just blasphemy
A faculty of misconception that has made us too blind to see
Give me permission to show you the God who makes us free

How has God showed love, you ask?
Well, it’s certainly not just in the past
But I’ll give an example
The greatest example of all time
It’s something I think we’ve all heard of
But something we don’t like to click remind

Maybe you’ve heard of Jesus
How he died on a cross
But if you just had that information
We’d all be lost
‘Cuz what’s a dying man got to do with us?

First, I want you to think of the person you love the most
You don’t have to say it out loud - you can be as silent as a ghost
Tell me, would you die for this person?
Would you die for your family?
Maybe, probably

Now think about a stranger
A stranger you pass by every day
You never say “hey” never say “Are you okay?”
Never ask for their name
You pass them, never think much of them
Tell me, would you die for this person?
Would you die and make him free?
Maybe, probably… not

Back to the story, the one where you were caught
On wanting to know what happened, the reason, what not

So Jesus is being sent to die
He’s the most perfect being in the nation
And he’s being sent to die
They say he rose above his station
Claimed to be God - which he was
So he’s being sent to die

He didn’t struggle
Didn’t plead “why”
He didn’t send fire from heaven
He allowed himself to die

On the cross, he cried “Father forgive them”
He let the sins of the world succumb
He took the ending we deserved
He died without any a regretful word

He died
He lied -
In a tomb, for me, for you
For fools
For musty, rusty tools
For fake jewels
For people whose lives are as ***** as a barn’s manger
Jesus died for a stranger

That’s love
He loved first
His love is pure
We wander the earth
Searching for a cure

“I’m so close,” we say
“I have friends, family”
When that fails we pick a day to do drugs and look at *******

“I’m so close,” we sigh
“So close to the sky”

And yet we cry
‘Cuz the hole inside is gaping with every breath that arrives

We have one word for love
We love pizza
We love our pet
We fall in love with someone
And then we fall out of it

But real love, God’s love
It comes in one form
Unconditional
We may stop loving after the morn’
But God never stops
Is always on a roll

What are you longing for?
Do you even know?
I think you do
I think it shows

Maybe it’s love
Unconditional love
A love that makes someone die when someone else should of

That’s love
He loved first

All you have to do is ask for it
Say, “More of you, less of me. I believe.”
And you know the best part?
It’s free

Under the same old corn blue moon
There in the canvas plays a tune
We dance by the firelight, paint our faces
But does that make us lower than all races?

We all have dreams
Far and small
We all plant seeds
Though you Englishers do it wrong
And we all triumph
And we all bleed
Isn't it true, though?
That we all dream

And we'll play a single note
When the rooster crows

It’s as if
I’m the only one
Above all this
Seeing everything -
Seeing all the risks

I feel happy today
I don't know why
But then I think, "You have to have a reason to be sad, but you don't have to have a reason to be happy."

She walks on the bus
Finds a seat
Somewhere in the middle
She's not popular or bold enough to sit in the back
She talks some
But she doesn't necessarily want to be seen
She's about as average as they come

It's 6 am
Dark outside
Cold, wet
Despite this, she drifts her face to the window
To the shapes and shadows

Her thoughts take her
Where they only take her on chilly mornings
when the stars are bright

Deep, philosophical thoughts
She knows the origin of the earth
She understands the Pythagorean theorem and why a right angle is 90 degrees
Things begin to connect and align like the stars
Only to be unraveled again when the sun comes out

Among these thoughts
She wonders about herself
She wants to make a difference
Even though she's a tiny speck in this vast universe

She runs through her accomplishments
The time she gave a speech in front of her 8th-grade class at graduation
That A+ on her math final
Those poems she wrote to her relatives on Christmas
That one song she sang that made her mother cry

"It's not enough," she thinks. "What have I done that will make any difference in the world?"

The stars begin to disappear
The sun floats
The sky turns colour
And the world has form and light

She walks to school
Feeling burdened and useless

I wish she would've stayed a little bit longer
In that middle bus seat
Looked at that one microscopic star, so small, yet still part of the system called the universe

If she had stayed
I would've told her

"Maybe you won't"

Maybe she won't change the world
Maybe she won't find the cure for cancer
Maybe she won't stop World Hunger

Maybe she won't grow up smart and successful
Her name in every newspaper

Maybe she won't become president
Maybe she won't be on TV

Maybe she won't climb a mountain
Maybe she won't write a book that changes the world

Maybe she won't build a castle
Maybe she won't found a city
Maybe she won't start a dynasty

Maybe she won't

But she is still important
She still matters
She still has a purpose
She is enough
She has a reason to exist

She is perfect the way she is

Can’t help feeling
As I’m staring at the ceiling
And my reality is peeling
Because I am thinking
And reeling
And stealing insecurities in my mind
The clock ticks, and there goes time

No one really knows me
There, I said it
As no one can measure the depth of the sea
No one knows me
Not even my family

When you look at me, what do you see?
Quiet, hiding in corners
There’s no way around her, you’d have to pay a fine to cross the border
Her voice never raising above a whisper
You think you know her
But you miss her

I don’t smile
I do smile, but only once in awhile and when I’m feeling wild and like a child
But my expressions are limited
Far from being riveted
If I look unhappy I’m probably not
So if I look happy; I’m caught
Because, thought it’s happiness I sought, I’m not

Sometimes, with my close friends
They’ll get a glimpse of my energy
Running around in circles, punching out the enemy
There I smile, there I laugh
There my brockade is slipping, and I’m not as docile as a cat

But even then - even they
Don’t know me
The nectar of the flowers has never touched the bee
There is so much in my mind
So many dimensions, so many lines
If I were to tell you everything that’s in there, we’d run out of time
There are the corners full of regrets, of aspirations
I have so many dreams but lately I’ve been fraying at the seams and it’s hard to see or believe in me when there are so many vacations

I don’t even know if I know me
Some days I’m an introvert
Some days I’m an extrovert
Some days I lie and sit
Other days I never quit

Some days I’m silent
Some days I’m vibrant
Some days I’m lonely
I know I’m not the only one
But it feels that way sometimes

It’ll take a lifetime, probably, to figure myself out
It scares me how I’m a mystery even to myself

I am dimly aware
Of evaporating air
Of a wire and a snare
And I am not alone

I have battles in my mind
Carry myself, miss no time
But I never miss a rhyme
And I am not alone

I travel far in one day
Back and forward, the sun’s ray
And I don’t speak when I have something to say
And I am not alone

I keep a beat, I keep a time
I try my hardest in a line
I will always act sublime
And I am not alone

People, search, wander
Put on a cover
But I'm so tired of acting like everyone’s Same
And I am not alone

Look at all the colours
Up there in the sky
Look at all the beauty
It catches you by surprise
You're not sure if you can handle that masterpiece
Cause you don't know if you're broken, beautiful
Or somewhere in between

But anywhere you go
Anywhere you are
You're a shining star
Burning in the dark
Don't be afraid to say
"I'm beautiful in every way"
I'm a mess
I am broken
I'll confess
I'm not perfect
But that's okay
God still loves me that way

I’m talking to me
I should be free
Then why are these chains engulfing me?
I’m hung by a tree
As the rope clutches my throat
I’ve got this pen
What it's writing
I don’t know

So many shelves
I want to delve
I want to feel the covers
Titles
Makes me shiver with pleasure
Drawn in beyond measure

Let me be brought into your world
Fall in the story
Like Alice in Wonderland
Watch the adventure
Feel the adventure

So many pages, lasting through the ages
Society
Languages
Changes
But books are still portals
Still honey
Still a blooming rose
This I know

Dare to read
Dare to believe
I don't know what you heard
But the World is made of words

You know that feeling where one moment you're happy and the next you're sad and your throat hurts and you remember that one glimpse where you could do anything the sun was shining you just bought a poetry book and watched a royal wedding and found some really swell gloves at a garage sale and a parasol that you can fan when it rains and when it rains it pours wondering if anyone actually will read this or understand this Read this? Understand this? What's the future, someone tell me the future, I'm trying to grasp it with music but there's only so much a guitar can do or maybe a guitar's bound is limitless but its the person that can't do much and there's music playing and I want to feel passion but I can't trust my feelings because they're dusty and tinted and they always fool me and right now, right now, I just want to snuggle with my cat while wondering while wandering while thinking deeply and is it obvious I'm an introvert? Just trust God doesn't work here Just count on Him - He's in control I know I know I know and yet, do I? I can't trust my feelings but I can trust the love I can trust the sky I can trust the fact that I just need to hand it over to him Who's Reading this? Who can understand it? Me I don't need to please anyone I just need to please myself I'm wondering if that's possible I'm wondering I'm wandering I'm lost wait a day I'll be Found