SL - Hello Poetry

SL Dec 2017

What do you see in the mirror
Are you happy with yourself
Do you wish you could change something
Do you have scars that remind you of a time when you weren't alright

What do you see in a picture
Do you think that you are beautiful
Or do you have imperfections
In that picture, do you have a fake smile or a you smiling for real

What do you see in comparison with someone else
Are you thinking that you are big next to them
Do you feel like you're out of place when surrounded by smaller people

What do you see in yourself
Are you okay with how you feel
Do you feel alright with your shape

You don't need to change anything about yourself
You are beautiful just the way you are
Everyone has something they want to change about themselves
But you are amazing both inside and out

I've been having trouble with my appearance and I still am, but if I can help at least one person not turn out with an eating disorder or body issues I would just feel a bit more alright.

SL Dec 2017

Christmas

Christmas is nearly everyone's favourite time of the year
Reasons mainly being with family
However people who don't like eating don't like Christmas as much
Everyone finds something difficult about Christmas
Whether it's money, family or eating
You can't do your usual hiding technique
How do you prepare for it
You don't eat for the week before, you workout to lose weight
You know that you have to do anything in order to prevent yourself from gaining too much weight
Christmas is torture

I usually find Christmas hard but it's harder this year

#christmas #eating

SL Dec 2017

This is ME!

My life is a mess
I found a pair of scissors
Now my arms are a mess
Everyone think that I'm okay
Truth is that I'm not

I have depression, anxiety and eating disorders
I am a 105 days clean from cutting and chocking
But I still get the urges
Some days the urges aren't bad but other days I'm close to hurting myself

I used to get called an emo or an attention seeker because of my scars
I am paranoid that I have become a disappointment to everyone I know
There is one person who knows what's wrong but she doesn't understand me

I can't live with the mistakes I have made
I don't believe that there is anything or anyone out there for me
People judge me because I'm not skinny
So I restrict to be like everyone else

I self-harmed because it was the only thing that helped me feel alive
I self-harmed to feel pain
I self-harmed to get even with what people have done to me

Self-harm is not just cutting, chocking, scratching or burning
Restricting and purging is self-harm
I'm not clean from self-harm completely
I'm close but to stop restricting and purging is harder then ever

This is me
I don't like me one bit
It's a miracle I have made it this far
I don't expect to be here for much longer

This was something I wrote earlier this year when I was that clean. Self-harm is a part of my life and will always be apart of my life there is no denying that. You take it one day at a time, it's hard but those of you who go through self-harm or any mental health issues just know that there are people who are understanding to an extent of what you are going through.

#selfharm #mentalhealth

SL Dec 2017

No Escaping

You're drowning
No one is coming for you
No one will help you

You're fading into nothingness
Slowly, just slowly disappearing with every slice
Your mood is low
But nothing helps, no one helps

You're starting to believe what your thoughts are saying
One more cut is all you need, you believe this but it's not
You've fallen back in the cycle
You can't Escape

SL Dec 2017

Death

Death is inevitable
Doesn't matter how many things you get done to extend your life
Death still comes

Death is all around you
The beautiful flowers and tress you see will die
The flies that annoy you will no longer annoy you
Death occurs every second of every day

People don't like talking about when they die
They are scared of it
It's the way of life, nothing to be scared about
You live the life you want

Death is not ugly
Death is not morbid
Death is beautiful
Death allows something new to grow

#death

SL Dec 2017

Questions

There are so many questions in life
Questions that aren't that important like what should I wear? or what should I do with my hair?
Questions that are important like should I take my life? or should I just continue to live my life like this?
But all questions have answers
Answers you like and answers you don't
You are told that you have to go to all your appointments, to show that you are changing and getting better
You lie about everything to prove to them
It feels like you're a broken record because you have to start from the beginning
You lose hope, until you find one new person and you don't hate this person
You start to think that everything is turning around
Then bad news struck again and you can't see this person anymore
You're back at square one and you're worse than ever
The question is now WHAT'S THE POINT?
You believe there is no point
A friend tells you to not give up
You try hard
You try to stay strong and to stay clean
You've lasted longer then ever before but that thought of accomplishment is gone
Now was it worth what you did?

I was in a bad spot on the 22.11.17 and I wrote this

#sucidal #hopeless #selfharm