My wife's 50th Birthday
We're drinking cocktails
Vermouth, Bols blue
Amaretto and lemonade.
There is a name​ for it, but
I don't know what it is
And I really  don't care

So we're drinking
Smoking cigarettes
And wondering about time.
Wow! I can't believe that
Karen is fifty, and how is it
That I can be forty - five.

It's so ******* weird
Growing older, I don't really
Feel any different from when
I was 25
A little more tired, a little more
Cynical
But basically still me
Effectively still a child

I always just assumed
That once you hit 35
You'd feel automatically
Grown Up, and know
How to survive
Not only that but
How to thrive
A professional career
And a beautiful wife

Just like the lives you see on T.V.
I expected someone to do that for me
My own stupid naivety

But no, I've got to take​ control
Of my own stupid life
I don't​ know if I can do it
I think it sounds​ difficult
Too much to take at one time.

Just a few hours ago, I felt so good to see sun instead of rain
Now the wet, grey skies bring melancholia back again
This winter has felt eternal, blizzards from Siberia
Is it any wonder that the sun brings on hysteria ?
We are not a nocturnal species, we need to see sunlight
We need at least occasionally it's glow to feel alright
If there was a sunshine drug, I'm sure that I'd be hooked
I am ginger I do not tan. It's not about how I look
It just feels so good to feel that warm, orange glow
With being British it's not something that I have had much time to know
I'm cold turkeying for sunshine, I'm rattling like ****
I wish my celestial dealer would sort it out, so I can get a hit

hell is a place where
you constantly love those that
do not love you back.