I want to be alone.
Do you ever get that feeling?
Where you don't want to get in anyone's way?
You don't want to be a problem,
A distraction?
I get that feeling.
I don't know why.
I don't even know why I'm still depressed.
Am I even?
I have no reason to be sad
I have good people in my life
Nice supports
But yet
I still get the urge to cave in
Hurt myself
Like before
When no one knew
Before anyone had the chance to care
I want to be left alone
I want to stay home all day
Open my windows and freeze
But I feel joy in the air
When I talk to him
Remember my latest adventure with her
These people care
Why do I still get the urge
To hurt myself
To just go.
Not die.
just.
let.
*go.

We're not soulmates
I'm pretty sure.
Not meant to be
Not meant to hold
Not meant to love each other.
But that can't stop me from dreaming
Of dancing with you
To Ray Lamontagne songs in the moonlight
And growing old with your hand in mind.
We're not soulmates,
I'm pretty sure,
But that won't stop me from loving you
With everything I am.

Art
Bounces  
Calmly in a blissful
Daze.
Enlightened thoughts
Feathered with blackened
Grace.
Haunting lullabies
Illuminated by crying
Jokers,
Killed by shattered
Laughter and
Melancholy
Nights.
Oppressed by
Parasitic critiques,
Quick to judge the
Ravishing and
Sentient
Topics.
Unsuspecting to all, we
Visit the bleak and cold
World where
X-rays replace the blistering,
Yellow sun, and overshadow the
Zealous moon.

It's the last week of school
And I'm sitting here in bed crying because I'm scared.
And I'm scared because you'll be leaving.
And I don't want you to leave because you've been my hope and strength.
I don't know if you fully understand either
The way I look up to you.
All the locked messages from you on my phone.
The way my eyes scan the crowd for you between classes,
just hoping to make eye contact; maybe to reassure me that you havn't forgotten me.
Do you understand why I text you so much?
I simply want to just talk to you.
I feel like were not going to talk much soon, so I feel a need to get it all in now.
Maybe if you don't fully understand why I do all that I do,
think of the way you think about Bug.
Now do you understand?
I feel bad*
Because I want to get you a really nice graduation present,
but I just don't have the time to do what I was planning.
And I feel bad because I've gotten mad at you when I shouldn't.
And I've said things I shouldn't have, and I probably hurt you.
So I feel bad.
And I feel bad because I think I'm being selfish.
Not wanting you to leave.
Am I?

They say some people come and go and have little impact.
Others leave footprints on your heart.
I hope you know which one you are.
You have changed me in a way I will never be able to describe.
You have been a way better friend than I deserve.
You are beautiful and you are going to go far.
I believe in you. I love you. And I thank God for you every single day.

They call it being the big spoon
The Big Dipper of the bodies
And you insisted on that being your job.
But it was the middle of the night
And you turned over
Letting me press my body against your back.
Fitting myself into all your open spaces
Nothing breathed between us
You reached out your arm
Pulling mine up and over
Hugging my hand to your bare chest.
And I
Listened,
My ear to your back
My hand to your heart
We beat in unison
And I
I couldn't tell who's heart was who's.
Tracing the freckles on your back.
Using the tips of my fingers
And my lips
To connect the constellations
Your skin glowed as if touched by stars
They are imbedded in your skin.
How were we supposed to know
That beneath the surface of your porcelain
That you were burning alive.
For the stars weren't those you wish upon
But those that scorch you from the inside out.
The ones that set you on fire
How were we to know that the constellations imbedded in your back
Were not constellations at all,
But veins filled with poison.
A cancer feeding on you
Destroying what you are
Burning stars,
Poisonous, deathly stars,
That big spoon
Pouring hot acid through your bones
Extinguishing the light that once enveloped you.
You lay here
And your eyelashes
They start to fall to your cheeks
You cry and
I say
Beautiful.
Glowing from the inside out,
I traced the Big Dipper into your back
How was I to know you were burning.

Make a wish, baby
It's not over until you stop fighting.