This isn't much of a poem
But it's been weeks since I've slept well
Thoughts that crowd my mind at this hour
To the outside, I can never tell

I have a pain in my chest
And I fear the uncertainty
That if I fall asleep tonight
Tomorrow, what would become of me?

What if I don't wake up?
Or what if I wake up alone?
Can I really make this life work
Without the person I call home?

Stay, please.

I dont blame you
For walking away
Only now i realize
The gravity of my mistakes

I dont blame you
For givin up on me
I see now
The person i used to be

I wish you'd let me show you
How sorry i really am
I apologize, i apologize
For not being the best that i can

I wish i were the greatest
Love story you could ever tell
I wish i knew back then
So i could have treated you well

Coz you stuck by me
You cried but you understood
You were patient
You did the best you could

I dont blame you
I know how much you hurt
I wish you knew that i know
Just how much you're really worth

Baby you're not easy
Easy to throw away
Trust me, i know now
Now that you're not here with me today

How did you do it
How did you stick around
With a girl like me
Far better you could have found

Id like to say thank you
Id like you to know
How sorry i am
I feel so low

I shouldve treated you better
I should have treated you right
Kiss you every morning
Hold your hand at night

I wish you find better
Better than i had to give
I wish you all the happiness
Even with this guilt i feel

I should have been there
I should have thought it through
You should know baby
I dont blame you

I watched you dance around the floor
With beads of sweat dripping from your face
You had tears in your eyes
It was perfect, you were perfect

The place was packed with 800 people
All of you prancing with emotion
But i could only see their shadows
Because i couldn't get my eyes off of you

Every move you made was *******
You spun around, you arched your back
You stared across the room and into the spotlight
As if you were a slave seducing your master

You had your green shirt on
That hugged your body so well
And I blushed as i gazed at your perfection

The moment the music stopped playing
You looked up at me and smiled
You waved and you started to walk towards me
You were saying something but I couldn't hear you
I replied but I couldn't hear myself either
I didn't know what we were saying

I watched you walk away to join the second round of rehearsals

You were set to perform that evening, I couldn't wait
I could have watched you all day
I would see you up on stage and I'd be proud as others see how amazing you are

I doubt you know that I think you're perfect
And by perfect I mean beautifully flawed
You held my hand before but I never told you it made me wonder
If you did it because you wanted to or because it was cold

I planned to wear my white dress for you, the one with the lace and all
And I planned to hand you a bouquet of flowers, but not roses
Red tulips and yellow chrysanthemums, probably
Or better yet hydrangeas. I don't know.

I was hoping that after I slipped in my white dress
And after I bought you the flowers
And after you danced
And after they saw how amazing you are
And after I handed you the flowers
That maybe we can spend some time together and maybe you can hold my hand again
I hope it won't be cold so I wouldn't have to wonder, either
And maybe this time when you look at me, you wouldn't look away
But instead press your lips against mine

What I hoped for the most was that I wouldn't wake up
Because if I did, I'd have to dream this dream again till I get the ending I hoped for
I don't mind seeing you every night, having all this happen again
But I can't wait for the night when I'd find out how it ends

Such a sweetie you truly are
The sweetest among the sweetest by far
I wonder why your words have such a sad tone
Though i may be wrong, can't really tell through the phone.

I'm feeling quite lonely, i wonder if you can tell
I try to remind myself of your words that all will be well
I'm not sure what I'm doing, what my priorities are,
From friends to family, from coffee shops to bars.

Thank you for being patient, for waiting it out
You give me so much support especially now that I'm in doubt
I hope i'd stop crying inside and just know what I need
Whatever happens, stick around, I plead.

You’re my number one
You’re my one and only
Yes, the only one
I want home waiting for me

I can’t tell what’ll happen
If our feelings change
In one way or the other
Id love you just the same

Ill spend my very last dime
For now, its all for you
And if it reaches forever
Well, who knew

I'd fall so deep in love
I can’t get you off my mind
You’re my first priority
Any day, any time

We’re halfway there
We’ve made a mark
It’s been 6 months
You still feel that spark?

Coz it’s been 26 weeks,
Around 182 days,
That’s roughly around 4, 368 hours
And countless number of ways

That you’ve given me happiness
With your every kiss and hug,
It’s like the fourth of July in me
I’ve got a bad case of the love bug

So yes, you make me gay
With you, I’m ecstatic
You already know I’m so uncool
And such a hopeless romantic

So let’s just keep going
I’d like to know you more
I’ll study your very being
And still love you till your very core

So I’m sorry, babe
If I ask for forever
I know it’s all uncertain
But never say never

Happy 6th month
And thank you for teaching me
To stay strong
And wear my heart on my sleeve

I talk words of lust
with a boy unaware
I know not if it's unjust
if he knew that i would dare

To be touching lips with another
and another after that
3 boys who want me
and on top of that...

an ex-lover who awaits
her love to be reciprocated
by one she had wronged
by me, yes, I she has wronged.

and alas, the sister of a friend
whom i am confused upon
if i should love her or not
fool, you may think that she is the last one

another girl at school
she is but a year older
i see her from time to time
rarely i seek for her

she is but a crush
the sister, but a dream
the ex-lover - such a waste
and though it may seem

that i am an adultress
because of all these men
but judge me not
i don't belong to any of them

commit, you say
it is for the best
but if i do so again
i may have to rip out my chest

it hurts beyond words
and the pain - i may not be able to bare
and i'd have to swallow the hurt again
till i am too numb to give a care

so tell me, kind stranger, what would you do?
if you had 3 boys and 1 girl loving you
another girl, you might love
and another girl, as a crush
don't you think it's a tad bit too much?

though, i can't control it
I need to be reassured
that though my love betrayed me
this broken vessel be cured

by something more real
it has to exist
something i wont be afraid to love
something far greater than a kiss

something others cant take from me
something thats just mine
something that i can have
and keep for all time

so tell me, kind stranger, do you take me for a fool?
you think i don't know that such thing is hard to find?
that it is but impossible
because i am still so blind

i'll find my happiness
i pray to the gods i do
but only once i stop thinking of finding it
is when id find you

you. whom i have poured my heart and soul out to
without giving a rat's ***
one i'm not afraid of - i'm afraid of everything.
you, who is not wearing a mask.

if you tell me that you're right there
id lose all faith in man kind
because i know you're not
i know that now.

if you tell me you wont hurt me
don't say another word
because i know you will hurt me
i know that now.

but i can love myself
i can live for myself, too
i know that now
i don't exactly have to live for you.

it is my life
this is my world
but i'm lonely
because i'm too scared to be that broken hearted girl

the one who cried
the one who swore
and hit her lover
and walked out the door

even if i could
i wouldn't change a thing
because through this mangled heart
i can love true again

someday..

Am I the only one who has ever thought
Of tying a cherry stem into a knot?
Of flying high beyond the starry skies?
If I said “yes” then that would be a lie.

Am I the only one who has ever kissed
The surface of my curious bestfriend’s lips?
Or has had a hard time winking just one eye?
If I said “yes” then that would be a lie.

Oh, I know I’m not that special,
I’d be a fool to think to myself
That if I asked you to stay a while,
There’d be a chance that you’d say “yes”

But would you please hold my hand?
Would you have me just how I am?
What if I stayed with you all day so you can tell me about the one you love?
You think at the end, I’d deserve a hug?

Am I the only one who has ever thought
Of planting trees with you on a vacant lot?
Of painting something that you’d appreciate?
Yes, I know that I’m now too late.

Am I the only one who has ever wondered
If maybe I could be that one first kiss?
Am I the only one who’s dreamt?
Am I the only one who’s wished?

Am I the only one who’s cursed
At the whole entire universe
Coz’ just when I thought that I could be the one,
She got there first.

Oh I know I’m not that special
I’d be a fool to think to myself
That if I asked you to be mine,
There’d be a chance that you’d say “yes”
Coz’ I’m not the only one.

Sweet laughter
Those honest smiles
Pure joy
Comes only from a child

Starting off
With those innocent eyes
But as they grow,
They see then all the lies

I would love to call one my own
I would love to make them happy
But in this world full of the unknown
We have to be wise.

And once they grow,
They acquire much hate
What would they go to church for
Out of fear or their faith?

I know you try
But you can’t shield them from hurt
I know you try
Coz you know what their worth

A little baby, that’s all they’ll ever be to you
You made a promise, you made sure to follow through
Lead them to a place where they are safe
Guide them to happiness, with all that you gave

I would love to call one my own
I would love to make them happy
But in this world full of the unknown
We have to be wise

I don’t pretend to know
What love is for you.
I don’t expect you to see it
The way I see it, too.

I don’t mind if you disagree,
I don’t mind if you stop reading,
I don’t mind if you think they’re silly-
These things I believe in.

I believe that love
Is more than just ***
Because loving a stranger
Shouldn’t be something to regret

I believe that love
Is stronger than hate
Because its love that makes us hurt
It’s not anger that keeps us up late

I believe that love
Is a word that’s said too much
Because we tend to hear it more often
Than we feel its touch.

I believe that love
Is a word that’s not said enough
Because you can pretend to not care
But there’s always one person to call your bluff

I believe that love
Is a word that’s to be meant
It’s supposed to be for keeps
Not something for rent

I believe that love
Is often misunderstood
I’d explain it to you
If only I could

But I believe in love
I believe it can change a thing or two
I believe that if you meant it once
Really meant it?
You’d mean it now, too

I believe that love
Can change over time
There are different types of love
Not all are so hard to find

Love believes in you
It believes in us all
Why else would we keep finding it
After every other fall

Keep loving, keep living
Keep believing that in time
All the types of love in the world
Someday, you will find.