Turn Off The Lights

Turn Off The Lights Oct 2014

Home

It's the smell of home
After days of waking up on your own
The house is quiet but they are around
Sleeping soundly
Their dreams
Playing a soundless music
In the background

Turn Off The Lights Oct 2014

5 liters of blood

I used to like him until I met you
I realized all I ever felt before was pink
You were Red
Taught me how to rip out my own hair in anger
When you wouldn't take the bins out
(or listen to me)
Taught me to bite my lip till I bled
And in the taste of iron all the things I wanted to say
Melted away
All the
I love you
I hate you
Go away
Please stay
I wanted you to decide
Put my faith in your hands
Love me or leave me
Pick
One
I cannot swing between both ends of the spectrum
The rope I am hanging onto
Is tightening against my throat
I will stain your carpet floor
With 5 wasted liters of life
I give it all to you
If you can ever realize
That should have been enough

Turn Off The Lights Oct 2014

Stained

I keep rubbing it
It won't come off
The image of you is engrained in my mind
Graved in my stone heart
With patience and determination you
Picked up a rock and rubbed my skin raw
No amount of scratching will make you disappear
Like stain on my heart
I wish I could rip it out
Rip you out
Of my life

Turn Off The Lights Oct 2014

Thoughts

I always took the first step towards you.
I was one step ahead making sure you knew I cared about you,
I thought about you and that you were not alone.
I gave you my all, all the real and all the good in me
I gave to you.
And for a while I thought I'd be enough.
I thought you liked me for exactly who I was, and I was glad you did. I felt like myself and I felt like you were yourself.
It felt fantastic.
And now I feel like all this is being stained by the scratched marks on your back,
Like the sounds of nails on a chalkboard
I cannot bear it

Turn Off The Lights Oct 2014

Christmas present

The wind is cold and the spirits are high
In my tiny heart lies a little spark
Dark thorns surround heavy trunks
The colourful bulbs flash on and off
And light up the crazy smile I wear
When you're around

You are like a christmas present
I want to open you up wide
And see what you hide
Unravel the wrapping paper
Crush it in my fists, it doesn't matter
I want to know who you are

Inside

#love #inside #xmas

Turn Off The Lights Oct 2014

The soldier and the enemy

You threw a bomb at me in a war zone I didn't know existed my heart
Beat
Was meant to be a haven of peace but you detonate and I flutter to the ground
In a heart
Beat
The world spun out of its axis
My body was not ready for the aftermath
Of the effect of your soul on my soul
I can hear a pin

D
R
O
P

Every time someone says your name in a conversation I
Freeze
And in the space of a breath I can see, hear, smell and touch you
I can almost touch your love with my fingertips
Like holding a heart
Beat
Oprgan transplant to give a new life I wear a mask and observe my heart
Beat
As it quivers for you, longing to feel your breath on my lips
The overload of senses is too much on my fragile heart
Beat
The devastation is unlike anything I ever witnessed
My home is a pill of dust and I don't feel safe
Walking around the ruins
I stay tucked under the stars I never close my eyes anymore
Behind my eyelids the world is ruined
And my blood boils with anger you
Exploded in my rib cage and destroyed everything in a heart
Beat
You threw a grenade and hid back in your own universe
Copper is seeping through my hands and the smell makes me nauseous
I hold my insides together with my own ten fingers
If only you were here to see
The desolation in my deserted heart
Beat
You were a soldier and I understood too late
Who was the enemy
(It was me, wasn't it?)

#love #war #soldier #grenade

Oct 2014

LETITFXRING

Seeing you

Makes me
Die inside
Knowing we
Were something
Before