It came as a wave
I was doing the back stroke
felt the clear water beneath me
it was calm at first
safe even
I didn't think about how deep it was
I didn't think about how dark it could get
I thought about how clear the water was
how warm the surface was
the moon and the sun fought to be my light
my legs went under
then my waist
then my arms
my body started to tingle
I only glanced
the depth was luring
I felt myself slip into the paralyzingly cold water
I couldn't feel the sun anymore
the moon laughed
the water wasn't calm anymore
it was time
my head went under
I had oxygen but it only lasted so long
my head felt light & I wasn't in control anymore
I seen creatures you'd never see at the surface
I drifted & didn't dare gasp
The jellyfish danced around me as I watched everything go black  
They just danced

Enjoy the little things in life.
The smell of a rose, the petrichor of the earth after a rainfall.
The sunset & sunrise, it seems everyone forgets this life is but a breeze in the grass.
Of times to come & times to pass.

Beautiful isn't it? How fragile life can be.
I can be gone in an instant, the clock will tick.. tick on
Don't be discouraged by all that life brings.
Like the bad, there will always be good.
Just as it should.

I can't seem to sleep
Seep into a dreamless deep
Beyond the mind, oh so sweet.
Melancholy 

Remind me what it's like.
Diamonds cracked like puzzle pieces
In spite.
The aching feet, clammy hands in the fear of heights.
Jumping into the arms of folly

In all honesty my minds scrambled.
I let it run in no particular direction
Beautiful bittersweet imperfection. 
Just poetical footnotes to add to my collection.

Lust, attraction.. attachment.
I'm at the mercy of biochemistry.
Cupid with his arrow, shot my soul.
In a ridiculous fashion.

It makes no sense.. is it supposed to?
Flushes cheeks, my hearts racing.. hands are clammy.
Never met a soul I was close to.

The dopamine, could be the nicotine.
I'm blinded.. such a beautiful face
The adrenalin & serotonin coursing through my veins.
I find I'm tempted, temporarily insane.

Cupids star struck victim.
Vasopressin & oxytocin in my nervous system.
Tell me are these the drugs for long term commitment?

I just had to laugh.. in my experience, good things never last.
Like the ocean, my love for you was vast.
I guess cupid missed his shot
The time has come, your love went past.

Like*******, I'm sure there's a better way.
It was all just chemicals anyway..

My life in words, how do I explain all the feelings that show up so suddenly. One moment I'm happy, the next all I see is a bleak short future where I'm alone. It feels as if I'm meant to be alone, in all honesty it hurts .. I don't know what hurts, maybe it's just a word. Maybe this life is just a life, nothing more. I can go from feeling the euphoria of optimism for the future.. Then I close my eyes; when I open them I see nothing more than an early demise.
Who can I talk to besides myself? Maybe that's the question, but what little pride I have left doesn't allow me to connect to another being. I'm just a spark, like all else will one day return to the dust from once I came. Lay with me beneath the stars and don't say a word.. For that's all I want. Me, myself and I.. In longing for the sky. Just a dream, it's all just a dream.

It is as it seems to my delight.
a feeling that doesnt feel so right.
withholding tendencies of a care not in sight.
I fear this life isnt worth the fight.

Flipping throught the pages of my memory,
if i were gone how would they remember me?
simpistic reverie, tragic treachery.
sleep to rejuvinate unfullilling energy.
thoughts on a crashing trajectory maybe, were all apart of distorted mirrors
Protected by a shimmering castle of glass

A long time ago, I was taught to believe; as ive come to understand not everything you hear is true.
As I lay awake at night pondering over what is, and what might be. Im bought back to the simple fact that not everyone knows what you're going though
Be as it is, when the last ray of sunlight hits the choppy water on a cold September day. Ill be happy as soon as the day, disappears from view and I have nothing but the darkness to keep me company.
Invisible, but for all to see. Silent, but for all to hear; exhausted as I stare into the infinate void of nothing. Do you see?