You left
For England
Saturday
An it was raining when you left
An when you got back
It rained still.

And you were gone
For one week
Seven days.
Which is five school days
For me to squeeze through geometry
without you
(And
I
Can
Barely
Survive
With
You)

And Sarah asked
For a Union Jack
T-shirt
And told you
Not to forget.

And you brought it
For her
And
Got
Nothing
For
Me

But you told me
"You didn't ask
But if you want something
I'll get it for you
Next time.
I have to go back in
Six to eight weeks"

And I thought
You would have
Bought me something
Not as a
Souvenir
But
As
An
Apology

For leaving my alone
For a week
To live lonely

And yet
You'll go back
To England across the pond
In
Six
To
Eight
Weeks

Sometimes I doubt you're actually going to England.

Sometimes I forget I have a father.

You tell us to
Spread
The
Word
To
End
The
Word

But you mean the word
"*******"

And you think it's mean
Because of
Mental retardation
And how it hurts
Their feelings.


Stop that word.
I won't mind.

Just don't turn around
And call
Him
A
******

You are the jagged pill I dry swallow
A time released capsule of miniature razor blades
cutting my throat ever so intricately
Like a surgeon with shaking hands  
arrogantly carving your name in my vocal folds
so every weezing breath I breathe makes your sound

You are the Rorschach patterns on my skin
the blackest blues and deepest purples
from the night you forced yourself in
telling me you loved me
that this is how love begins
My body a canvas for the darkest hues
and my white sheets a delicate masterpiece
for your intricate artistry

You are the shards of shattered glass
fallen from the mirror now faced
with one thousand mosaic reflections
of a face I couldn't tell you belonging to whom
Maybe you know her?
They're wedged in my knuckles
as the light reflects off of them
making my hands look like diamonds
as close to perfection as I've ever come
to seeing reflected in any part of me

You are the burning end of a Marlboro Red
a bad habit I took up because you won't leave my head
Thoughts of you pour through me daily like hot lead

You are the last midnight
You are the last cold sweat
You are the last nightmare
You are my last regret
You are dead