These are the moments
in the still night
I dread.
The overwhelming ones
where you have nothing
better to do than
think.
To remember over and over.
Dig into things you've seen.
Things you've heard.
To helplessly wonder and hope.
Try to lead yourself away from
disappointment.
You run scenarios through
your head.
Imagine conversations that will
never happen.
It leaves you feeling silly.
Knowing you're immersed in
a fantasy.
Even if it annoys you,
that you're lonely enough,
To indulge in these
wandering visions.
It gives a temporary idea.
Of what it would
be like.
If the one you want could be
with you.



*© NDHK

I have written about you before,
your beauty leaves me wordless.
Not breathless,
no.
You increase my adrenaline to unhealthy heights.
I feel so guilty,
fantasizing your touch.
When it belongs to her.
She did nothing,
as a matter of fact she deserves you.
You do not deserve her, however.
Why, though.
You are nothing but a deceiver.
A walking facade.
Quit trying to find yourself in women that cannot bear the emotional maturity!
We cannot fix you.
Oh, but do you turn me on.
Stay here.
You and your wordless beauty, essence.
I'm not to blame.
I am innocent,
you are the one who ruined me.

I fell in love with the feel of the earth beneath my feet,
With the set of my arms and the cold on my face,
I fell in love with the things that I see and the people I meet,
I feel so madly in love with the sway of my hips,
When I’m walking away when I’m feeling like this.
I fell in love with my clever remarks, my hair and my heart,
Fell in love with the way you can’t tear me apart,
I fell in love with feeling like enough,
And knowing I’m strong, I’m stable, I’m tough.
I fell in love with the girl in the mirror
With her scratches and bruises I’m so proud that she’s here,
With her brilliant blue eyes laying claim to her dreams,
That glistens and sparkle such beautiful things,

I’ve fallen in love with all of my freedoms,
With how I cast off my chains screaming I’d beat them.
Through torture and heartbreak, through hopes gone and died,
Through horrible moments and losing my pride,
Through promises destroyed with lies and deceit,
Through all of the things you cast down on me,
I fought and I prayed to the cold in that place,
I practiced my aim, against the words you misplaced.
I pushed through all those words that you murmured,
The very same ones I strangled and murdered,
That now lay still at my feet, reviling the person
I always knew I could be, Unnerved and wide open,
with fresh pains and fresh hopes
No one will ever tear me down
Not while she is here
I will let  those burdens go and cast away my tears
Knowing good and well that I have  killed  my fears and
I am with the one I love and I’m so proud she’s here.