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Toni Seychelle Feb 2013
hello, fire
I know you
seen you through
and stayed for you
first and last
love and best
no distress
just press
a delicate flicker
beautiful dance
just a blaze
seared in my heart
intense heat
enticing flame
all night long
morning embers
071509
Toni Seychelle Nov 2013
You linger in the rafters of my mind
and in the eaves of my heart
Like the cobwebs there,
you just are.

A sort of sigh, I breathe
when I think of you
some, of relief
most, of desire

The way I felt
I couldn't
hear
anyone.
I couldn't
feel
anything.

I was filled
with hope
and fire.

Now,
I act on sure
emptiness
and
blind emotion.
Ignoring
every thing.

**** consequences.

And yet, there you linger
a tack in my heart
that draws
the heaviest snot.
There, you linger
an oasis
in my desert mind.

I escape to there

sometimes.

You are now a spectre
Your image prospers
You exist as you are
You are non-existent
100613
Toni Seychelle Feb 2013
The ground beneath the stiff leaves is frozen. The cold, brisk air invades my lungs, I exhale, my breath visible. I step over fallen branches and tugged by thorny vines. A red tail hawk screeches overhead, this is a sign of good luck. There is no path, no trail to mark our way, just an old, flat railroad bed surrounded by walls of shale, blown up for the path of the train so long ago. The only ties to remind of the rail are the rotting, moss covered ties that once were a part of a bridge that would have carried the train over a small creek between two steep hills. I see a fox burrow, and it's escape hatch is one of the hollowed railroad ties. I want to be a fox... The trek down this hill is not easy, thorny blackberry bushes and fallen trees impede progress. At the bottom, the small, bubbly creek is frozen at the edges, traveling under rocks and continuing its ancient path. I look up the hill that I just descended, and wonder how the return will go. Keep moving. The next hill will be easier, there are no thorny tangles, just treacherous leaf litter that will give under my feet if I don't find the right footing. The trick is to dig my boots into the ground as if I'm on steps. These hills are steep. Finally at the top, I look back at this little spring valley, I'm not that high up, but what view. Here, there is a dilapidated tree stand, falling apart from years of neglect and weather. Surrounded by deep leaf litter, there is a patch of rich dark earth, a buck has marked his spot, his round pellets are nearby. The saplings catch my hair as I walk by, and at these moments I am thankful for this cold snap that took care of the ticks. A creepy feeling takes over me, so thankful for this snap. A few feet further, as I watch where I am walking, another tussled bit of earth and I notice some interesting ****. It's furry and light grey; I poke it with my stick and find a small skull when I turn a piece over. Owl. I continue my walk, I didn't come here to play with poo. The last time I took this hike was three years ago, on a similar frigid day. It was a lot easier to make it through the shale valleys. Last summer, a wind storm felled trees and took out power for two weeks. The evidence of that derecho is clear here in this untouched forest. I remembered a tree, which now is a fallen giant, that had lost it's bark. The bark had separated and laid around this tree like a woman's skirt around her ankles. Now the tree lies with it's bark. I pass another tree I recognize whose branch extends out but zig zags up and down, as if it had three elbows. The tree signifies my next move, to descend from the flat railroad bed, down to a creek that flows through the tunnel that would have carried the train. The creek is considerably larger than the last creek I could step across. Descending towards the creek leads me over moss covered rocks and limbs, still bearing snow. Outside the tunnel, the hill walls are large stones, covered in a thick layer of moss, some of which has started to fall off due to heaviness. There's a sort of ice shelf in the creek, it's three layers thick and can support my one hundred and twenty pounds. Laying across the creek is another derecho-felled tree. Some sort of critter has crawled on this, using it to avoid the water below and as a short cut up the hill. His claw marks are covering the the limb, a few are more clear, it looks as if the creature almost slipped off. His claw marks show a desperate cling. I walk through the tunnel, in the mud and water; the creek echoes inside. I look above. There are drainage holes lining the ceiling, one is clogged by a giant icicle. I imagine the train that used to ride over this tunnel, I pretend to hear it and feel the rumbling. The last time we were here, we found cow skeletons. We placed a few heads on branches and one over the tunnel. We stuck a jaw, complete with herbivore teeth, into the mossy wall and a hip bone on a sapling. The hip bone reminded us of Predator's mask in the movie. All these bones are turning green. When I was here before, there was a bone half submerged in the creek; I had taken a picture of it but today, it isn't here. I'm sure it was washed away. After our exploration of the previous visit, we turned back. We are cold again, can't stay in one place too long. I climb through the deep leaf litter and over the rocks back to the railroad bed. Passing all the things I've already seen and spotting things I missed. I find two more fox burrows. They utilized the shale rock and burrowed underneath the jutting formations. Hidden coming from the south, the gaping openings seem welcoming from the north. My friends, the spelunkers and climber, want to descend into the darkness but I remind them, it is an hour to sundown, our trek is hard enough with overcast daylight. Wisdom prevails. We pass a tree, we didn't notice before, that was struck by lightening. The cedar tree was split in two and fell down the shale wall. I see the evidence of the burn and a smoldered residue at the base. Nature has a cruel way of recycling. The downed tree still has snow on it and the path of a raccoon is visible, I like the paws of *****. Though the way is flat, the walls of shale tower above us, limiting routes. At one point I can't see through the fallen trees I have to pass through. I have to crab walk under, crawl over, duck again and find my way around the thorny collections of bare black berry bushes. Finally into a clearing, still surrounded by sharp shale, there is another wall covered in inches of thick, healthy moss. I place my hand, taking time to stroke the furry wall. My hand leaves an imprint. I wonder how long that will last.. Back down the steep hill up and up the thorny tangle. I know I'm on the right path up, I see the fox's hole through the railroad tie, and his entrance burrow up the hill. Going down was definitely easier. The summit is literally overgrown with thorns, there is no clear path through. It is, again, impossible to see through the tangle of limbs and saplings and more thorns. Somehow we make it through. We are close to breaking off this path. We know this by the remains of a cow skeleton that more than likely fell from the top of the shale cliff. Femurs and ribs and jaws abound. On the last trip, we placed a hip bone in the "Y" of a sapling. The young tree has claimed it, growing around it. We add a piece of jaw to the tree's ornamentation and move on. We climb down from the railroad bed to our car - parked on the side of the road with a white towel in the window so that no one suspects a group of people walking through private property, past faded NO TRESPASSING signs.

When I undress for bed later, there are many small scratches up and down my legs from those ****** thorny vines. I'm okay with that, it's better than searching for ticks in my head.
I couldn't write a 'poem' about this hike. It was too full of nature.
Toni Seychelle Jan 2014
Your tongue left an impression
so did your thumb, on the inside of my thigh
Fumbling in the dark for your heart
I'll let you touch me only because I need it
I need something that takes me back
We are who we are
and we've been here before
I fight my primeval desires to no avail
I am an animal, you are a beast
we are both wild, we both have needs
We feed on each other, licking and biting
Sleep won't stop the fighting
Morning light can't stop the trying
I like your style
and want your wild
080813
Toni Seychelle Feb 2013
When you take my hand like you do
And touch my leg while you drive

When you play new music you know I'd like
And carry that smug smile when I admit to liking it

When you want to hear how my day was
And then wish me sweet dreams later

When you take me to bed
And put your arm under my pillow

When you look at me with those sweet blues
And move my hair from my face

When you kiss me on the neck behind my ear
And trace my collarbone with your finger

When you spoon me
And hold me tight

When you try so hard to be what you weren't
And do so much better at it

I hate you
I hate myself

**** you,
I should never have told you

What you should have done
And what you did.

Against the rules
Here I am

**** you,
I love you

But I won't
I won't
I won't

Be yours.
Again.
122912
Toni Seychelle Feb 2013
Sleeping has cost me
Dreams about Birds
Exotic and Pretty
Colorful and dead

Brain, why?

The first night
I spoke to the abandoned
left behind by ****** owners
because they live more full lives
than humans could ever dream
Big and Fluffy
Beautiful creatures

The second night
I lived among them
In an apiary of my own
their light, hearty songs
Ringing in my ears
Then I woke to that
outside my window

The third night
I felt stressed
My small bird
grey with colorful wings
kept flying away
I wanted it in it's cage
I wanted to play with it, too
He kept losing his feathers, balding
And finally, he died in my hands
Limp

The fourth night
I don't sleep well
The fifth night
I sleep worse
I don't retain
those nights' dreams

Brain, why?
anybody out there dream analyzers ?
I can kind of piece it together... I'm afraid to sleep tonight.....
I don't own any and haven't seen an exotic or pet bird in a long long time
I used to own a small grey parrot with green and red wings, but he flew away when I was ten....
Toni Seychelle Feb 2013
A shiver, a chill, a softly spoken whisper
The nights go on in their frosty manner
Spring won't arrive soon enough
A winter moon reveals all the night
She revels in the sky and swims with stars
She is always there, even when she is not
The grass crunches under the steps of a wanderer
The wandering mind is eager for warm rest
Warmth is found in the arms of a lover
And in the heart of the fighter
The night sky, bespeckled, is the only witness
To a passionate and desirous bliss
A shiver, a chill, a secret
The dreams continue in their wishful state
March won't arrive soon enough
The sun rises on a thick blanket of snow
He has the sky to himself, not a cloud to hide behind
He visits me every day and hugs me with his rays
The snow reveals the tracks of the wanderer
The wandering heart beats on
010813
Toni Seychelle Dec 2012
One day, perhaps today, this won't be important-
that important to you - my words are only tools
I saw what it's like to be cold and desolate
I know how it feels to be alone and desperate
I can see the stars beyond my walls like glitter
in the skies - my eyes close for sleep to these.
I know you're close by, I just can't see you
You've disappeared before and I'd expect you'd
return again to run aground to be a hound..
I have the same story for every star
Like a beat in my heart, they number
I like you so much, let's make constellations..
My name means nothing and I am no one
to whom does this matter
**** a feeling, it never lasts
021710
Toni Seychelle Nov 2013
Let me be a bird
   so I can fly
                     far,     far away

A rolling stone never collects moss
just leaves a path of destruction

remember me
you can't be forgotten

The sun, the flowers, the sky
the only things
I'll call mine

Ramble on, it's all I know
get my lovin' on the run

Rage into brilliance then fade out

like a star that burns bright
            then dies in it's own light

Remember me

some things
just can't be forgotten
Toni Seychelle Dec 2012
If you would be my man, baby I'd take you anywhere you wanna go - so let me know, if you take me down, I'll take you around- give me those eyes and I'll love you for days like birds live for skies. And, baby, the way you touch me is completely an accessory to mesmerize me - talk to me, lover, you, the one with the eyes, I'll be yours if you say so in my ear but it's clear you're just a dear, so close never near. Desperate for a heart to hold, fall for smiles and break apart the mold.. Storms that put you to sleep keep you awake, make you shake - it's all in that machine that makes you dream midnight's moonlight on that scene.. Glowing arms reach for your embrace, soft and creamy skin against your face race against your pace, stars fall into place... Dizzy in my dreams, so it seems daily streams of delinquent screams for serious fears and this is what you wanted, you wanted to think, you're here so you speak silence demanding patience since straying, stranding my hopes in hopeless hopefulness helpless for an accomplice.. Designs in my mind lying on the floor like a crime for fame, what a crying shame - dying for the same life-defining, death-defying love stunt mind ****.
121709
Toni Seychelle Jan 2013
I meet him a few nights a week
My friend and I
we chase him
There is a me that I don't know
Till I meet this man
Like a genie in a bottle
what a luxury to know him
dark and handsome..
A side of me is exposed
more open and witty
and revealing than I could ever want
But it's Me
Bubbly and Awkward
Giggly and Forward
For sure and full of Heart
My girl and I
We chase Jack with Jack
He warms us
and fills us
with a certainty
with a clarity
He is just in a bottle
But when he is released
We are released.

Big bada Boom
012213
Toni Seychelle Jun 2013
The sun is setting on a hot day, he hides coyly behind tall sycamores, his reflection playing on the undersides of trees on the riverbank. His warm breath is the breeze that kisses my cheek. The river carries me on, over pebbles and rocks below the glassy surface. Dragonflies dart around, flying gems that glisten in the sun. The heron, with diligent patience, hides seamlessly in the trees awaiting his next meal. He takes off when I get near, his frame is much larger in flight. The sweetness of honeysuckle is thick in this warm air. The trees on the riverbank are laden and dripping of the sweet flowers. As I gently glide through the water, the waves lap against my boat, almost making the sound of kisses. This is my river time. All these beautiful things, I love. There is passion in Nature, it is in birdsong and in the breeze. It is in the river as it moves along and the swaying of the trees. This is where I breathe.
I love kayaking.
Toni Seychelle Feb 2013
Made in the Eighties
Found my Goosebumps collection
Nickelodeon
hahahaha
I think the thing I miss most about the nineties is Nickelodeon
the game shows, Stick, the cartoons and other shows... Are you afraid of the Dark?, Kenan and Kel, ALL THAT, Salute Your Shorts!!!, Clarissa Explains it all, Secret World of Alex Mack....
The music, the movies, **** the nineties were a little glorious........
Toni Seychelle Jul 2014
Eat me with your eyes
                               get your fill
I feel your gaze
                            you don't have to touch me
                                you don't have to talk
I know what you want

  victim to whistles
  slave to cat calls
Harassment in it's most innocent forms
                   you think it's a compliment
Lick your lips one more time
                          and wink at me again, stranger,

           You think of me naked
I'll think about you, dead
                                                            ­       and rotting
062814
Toni Seychelle Dec 2012
Oh sunrise
Risin' on me
A sky like fire
Rainin' on me

mmm sunrise
lighting up a new day
I could lay on your rays
Watch me, I'm slipping away

And I know that when I see you
I'm not the only one with a view
So I wonder what he wonders
If he notices the sky of cinders
On a morning drive to nowhere
And I, en route with no care

I'll see you, my friend
around the next bend..
Over the hills and far away,
and tomorrow and the next day...
112209
Toni Seychelle Feb 2013
Intrepid
Collected
Night stalkers
Water walkers
Things you never knew
and they follow through
Traverse the adverse
they conquer the converse
Humble and subtle victories
quite the adventure stories
Strength as a whole, they are bold
A machine, they are stealthy beings
As a unit, they embody spirit
In for their country to survive
out for their enemy's demise
Dangerous lines
Depending on hand signs
Precisely decisive
Excessive sacrifices
Courage is a strong surge
And these are nothing but words.
020813
Toni Seychelle Jun 2013
The diamond in the rough
still is a diamond
The process of perfection is
not without pressure and time
Still a glittering thing
Still a precious being

The diamond
cut, clear and perfect
a thing to behold
beautiful
and strong

Everybody wants you
No one needs you
060313
Toni Seychelle Jan 2013
Naked bodies are meant for each other
To hold and to touch and to bother
I've spent some time not caring
but my anticipation is blaring

I left a good soul in good torment
He had video games on his mind
It was easy to see, we let love ferment
I was no one but a ***** bind
I said, enough.

Twenty five years
I've grown
I've slipped
I've been torn apart

Three years
I've wasted
Uninspired
Aching for
Inspiration

He came to me from the mines
His hard, rough hands
used to be so soft, when he was a boy
Boy has he grown
He holds me with a grip
As if I've slipped before

He came to me in the night,
unable to sleep
I heard his plight
My heart was buried deep
But I let him touch me
and look at me
and want me

These are not empowering feelings
A woman was meant for a man
A man, with primeval notions
A woman, with cultured devotions
We succumb to our basic human desires
It either feeds us
Or destroys us

Everyone wants to be the object
of the other's deviant subject
We look for distractions
something for attraction
Life is not a reality
It is a fiction
With every step
a new direction

I am free now
to love
to play
to dance

It gives me immense pleasure
to go back to previous measure
I don't care if I'm alone
I can choose to be used

I asked if he missed this
"Yes."
010113
Toni Seychelle Jun 2013
A rumble in the distance
the wind playing in trees
With a flash and a crack,
the sky empties it's clouds
The rain is a wall
as it moves through my valley

A blanket of fog rests on the fields
My mountains seem to float
and everything is quite still
The morning birdsong awakens me
When I stand on my hill, I feel like a giant
as I move through my valley

A warm breeze brushes my cheeks
The sun has set behind my mountains
painting the sky in ombre hues
Honeysuckle drips from trees
and the sweet smell hangs in the air
Nothing moves me like my valley
052113
Toni Seychelle Mar 2013
What is this race of life?
It must be a dream
Misconceptions of time
a curiosity
a mystery
boundaries are created
walls get torn down
monuments erected
precious lives taken
There is Happiness here
It takes a whole
a whole world
There is a collective
There is a motive
a motion for change
Humans are returning to
Brotherhood
Now we must remember
our Earth Mother.
010413
a little flower child.....
Toni Seychelle Jan 2013
If there was a place, I'd go
If it was a heart, I'd take it
I dream too much for wishing
A ceaseless wandering
And where should I stop
There is a rift, it is a cliff
I want to jump, I will
While I fall, I float
Landing blissfully in my dreams
Swept away
011213
Toni Seychelle Nov 2013
The first of November presents itself in a warm rain. The sky is moving - wispy clouds reflecting the sun in different shades of bluish grey. Hints of blue can only peek through momentarily as a dark cloud moves in front, becoming illuminated at it's edges. The fog has lifted and now, the valley is visible. Against the splotchy horizon, the hills are ablaze in vivid yellows, fire oranges and crisp, bright reds. Between the hills and mountains lay low-lying clouds, the collection of steam from the rivers and creeks that constant through these ancient ruins. The birds are singing, relishing the warm rain - holding on, so to speak, to the very last bit of warmth as long as they can, much like me.
oh, if only I could just fly away from winter, like the birds
110113

I had to remember this day and didn't have a camera to capture the magnificence, so I had to jot it down really quick, even though I don't think even a picture would have done it justice
Toni Seychelle Jan 2013
The thrill when I kiss you
equals the Rush when you touch
Those wandering hands
have returned from lost lands
I wish I could give you what you want

In the arms of my lover,
thoughts of you, I discover,
Excites and Saddens me
I am now that caged bird
my former passions flaring

I am burning alive
010913
Toni Seychelle Jan 2013
while I sat pondering in my own garden  
the moon's silent silver rays called upon me
a voice in the breeze danced among tall grass
whispering and urging me to play
I lay back and let the willow wish me

tickled
bemused
silenced


I schemed a star streak across the sky
then many more after its first spark
it rained on me celestial crystals

all at once, the wishes of the my eternal youth
rushed forward in play and desire and dream
play screamed
desire rolled
and dream gleamed


I found myself uplifted in the dark blue sky
floating in your dream wave
tossed in your delightful currents
resting in your warm soul

if a fool ever crossed my path
a presence he'd never known or seen
it would be mine
before another's
that he'd bear
and indulge
before straying
it's pulling
and pulling




I breathe your fire
I burn in your gaze
I dance for you
oh don't you know
I dance for you
103005
I had to post this, though it's one of my oldest...
This one is dedicated to my 17yr old self
Toni Seychelle Feb 2013
I see them - in their veil of smelly, grey death
******* the life out of their death stick
Their teeth are rotten, like their breath
their lungs are as brown and nearly useless as their ****
They can't get a grip so they grasp on this cigarette
Every time they cough, I scoff at their demise
Maybe they should smoke a reeferette
their outlook and attitude would be better yet.
012709
Another oldie I dug up......
I wrote this while I was studying in the library in college, overlooking the smoking patio.
It looked like a scene out of the African safari, beasts gathered round a watering hole
Toni Seychelle Feb 2014
After a long night away from you
I'm leaving you behind again

You're quite alright with my going out
you're not the jealous type
and I'm certainly fortunate for you
you're always there for me..

But this morning, I looked at you once
as I walked through the door..
Blankets covering you
yet you're still naked and cold..
There I stood, feeling pretty guilty

I just wanted to curl into you..
I know if I did, though, I'd never leave
I'd stay with you all day
and never regret it, I never have
"I'll be back tonight, I promise,
just you and me
and my cat."
An ode to my bed.
Toni Seychelle Apr 2013
It's a heart that aches
that makes the day.

A love that shakes
that takes your breath away..
I'll finish it later maybe...
maybe it's already done...
Toni Seychelle Mar 2013
A good thing is always a dream
Once the good begins, outlook is high
Dreams and wishes flourish in mind
A whole scenario of fantasies,
So attainable, a fix for a dreamer
A heart beats faster, for a fresh start
A dangerous beat, hard for a leap
Opportunity for change, it pangs
A cross-country trip, I've slipped
Patience is all I need. Hope is all I've got
fingers crossed
let's not get lost.....
010713

— The End —