Up until this day
Before I ever knew you
My heart was astray
My heart was once blue

Then you came my way
I had to shake off the dust
You said you wanted to stay
I knew it was time to give you my trust.

And if I must say
Opening up to you was a must
Everything felt okay
There was love not lust

I gaze into your brown eyes and feel like I could look into them forever
Caressing your face, I feel thankful
I need no other love but yours
Your fingers wrapped around mine
Your lips are soft and warm and when I pull away I can taste the sweet aftertaste of your mouth
I want more
Your sweet breath invites me for more
It fills me with a feeling I have no words for
An amazing feeling
A feeling only you my love are capable of providing
I want you forever
When you laugh I see nothing but pure beauty
Can everyone see what I see?
You’re glowing and your smile is lighting up the room
I can’t help but smile back
...Love....
So this is what it feels like to be in love
Who would of known..
I could do this for the rest of my life
I’m not going anywhere
That smile will never get old
What a great team we make
We build each other up
Just look at this strong foundation we are creating
With so much love and strength
Let’s keep this going my love
Together we can do anything

Memories are slowly fading
Of a past that once was mine
As I reflect upon them
I'm shocked I once believed it fine

Gentle hands stroked my skin
While harsh words spoke aloud
Stuck in a state of confusion
Living under a dark cloud

I gazed into her eyes
Searching for her soul
Perhaps she was broken
Healing her became my goal

For every sweet word I spoke
Every loving act I made
It was never good enough
Feelings just continued to fade

Even if it slowly killed me
I refused to give up on her
Believing that defined love
What a confused amateur

I glimpse over letters
Of words we once wrote
Of journals my heart poured into
My healthiest way to cope

My way of moving forward
Was holding onto memories of my past
Feeling grateful for what I now have
Knowing with her this will last

Dark clouds surrounded me
Where the skies were once blue
My mind filled with ill thoughts
Telling me what to do

The river flowed down my face
Rushing to the ground
Silently crying
Not making a sound

My head was throbbing
Heart pounding so fast
Crying hours on end
Wondering how long this would last

At times I thought of ending it
But I knew that wasn't right
It wouldn't be fair to my children
Mommy not tucking them in at night

When little eyes looked up to me
I reassured them "mommy will be ok"
"Grownups get sad sometimes"
But did it have to be this way?

Something had to be done
This shouldn't persevere
I had to seek help
The answer was very clear

There is a stigma that goes on
For those that don't know much
When it comes to mental illness
They say medication is a clutch

It saved me from drowning
Was the life vest that helped me swim
Since then I've grown stronger
See, everyone gets to win

The dark clouds drifted away
Sunny skies now took its place
Laughter has filled the room
Im taking life on with grace

My life gets a little crazy
From one day to the next
I've learned to just ride the waves
For you never know what to expect

Everyday is a learning experience
As I am challenged with something new
That's all a part of parenthood
You just have to do the best that you can do

At times I think I can't handle it
I have thoughts of running away
Those thoughts only last a moment
For I am here for good to stay

I admit it is not always easy
You just have to take it day by day
Its a beautiful balance though
I wouldn't have it any other way

Here I have these beautiful children
Whose spirits are wild and free
It's my duty to be their rock
For they are both depending upon me

If you watch them closely
You'll notice they have a lot to teach
Their imaginations so lively
And they remind us the skies we can reach

They are also very vulnerable
When you've reached them at their core
Love and affection is what they crave
And they will always want more

To be loved by them is an honor
Just look at those smiles on their face
Enjoy those kisses and giggles
And being wrapped in their embrace

Children are truly a blessing
And though at times its a lot to take on
When you gaze at them in their slumber
That's when you realize the gift you have won

There I was thinking
I’d never feel this way again
The lost that I’ve felt
The dark places I’ve been

I came to an acceptance
That this is how my life would be
I found myself moving on
Became happy with just me

Then you came into my life
Everything about you was just right
You left an imprint on my heart
On that late November night

We each had our fears
We wondered if we were moving too fast
Be both fell in love
We said we hoped that it would last

For the first in a long time
I thought perhaps soulmates are real
The sweet words that you spoke
All the ways you’d make me feel

Your sweet lips against mine
Your warm breath in the air
You drove me wild
Running your hands through my hair

Things moved rather quickly
We spoke of tying the knot
But little did I know
That’s not what you sought

For one day you would leave
That was such a confusing day
“We can fix whatever’s wrong” I said
As I tried not to plead for you to stay

But your mind was made up
I was a little too late
To this day I question why
For that was never our fate

“Forever and always” you said
You wanted to be mine
I tried to give you the world
I gave you all my time

We were obsessed
Perhaps that’s the problem you see
Your feelings grew weaker
As you fell out of love with me

Now I’m left wondering
Was what you felt true
Or was it all an act
Simply because I was someone new

Was I just another warm body
To help you fill a void?
After everything we shared
Now I feel destroyed

Here we are
Riding the waves of something new
Emotions intense
We feel this way for few

I see in your eyes
You falling my way
Trusting me more and more
Each and every day

Here I was thinking
“Catch me if I fall”
But I was mistaken
That’s not the case at all

You’re like a delicate flower
That I must handle with care
Something we both didn’t realize
Given that these feelings are rare

Although I’ve mostly healed
I’ve been broken inside
Something you shouldn’t have to deal with
The aftermath of my past emotional ride

I HAVE given it my all
Feeling hurt was all I had to show
I’ve loved intensely
But my love had nowhere to go

You see the pain in my eyes
When I look away
You are also my teacher
You can show me the way

I’ve associated these warm fuzzy feelings
With an ache in my heart
An emotion I know too well
But with you I don’t know where to start

Diving head first
Learning to let go
With nothing to hold onto
Except the experience that I know