maybe one day the explosive anger you've drawn out of me will subside and the blaze i've set will turn to ashes. maybe one day i'll be able to glance your way without thinking of who else has. maybe one day i'll stop going through our pictures, reminiscing and wondering where it all went wrong. maybe one day i'll listen to that mix tape you made for me without wondering if you still sing along to every verse of your favorite song on the track list.

but, soon enough, I will be happy again. soon enough, i will find solace in being independent. soon enough, i will accept the fact that this did, in fact, happen. i will be okay with that. soon enough, i will not think back upon the things you did to me and feel anger rise from the pit of my stomach.

soon enough, i will look back and thank you for teaching me lessons i had yet to learn until now.

soon enough,
i will be okay.

t.m.

betrayal is a *****.
she is a slap in the face and a blow to the knees.
she is a whipping wind compared to a balmy breeze.
she is phone calls and sleepless nights spent mulling over the wrongs.  
she is wondering what you could have done to deserve this all along.
she is the melancholy set of lyrics i recite.
she is the darkest tunnel with no ending or light.
she has been lurking, yet she is still new,

and because of her, i don't have you.

t.m.

i am always there as the shoulder to cry on and the one who listens. i am constantly there to catch people when they fall and piece them back together when they break.

no one steps in when they're aware that you're the strong one, you know.

they tell me, oh, you'll be fine. shake it off. it's going to be okay. but, is it?

it's truly hard being the base,
the shoulder, the glue holding broken pieces together, because there is always an unanswered question that lingers:

when i finally need a shoulder to cry on or someone to catch me when i slip and fall or something to hold me together when i shatter,

who's going to do it?

t.m.

dancer of the clouds,
ink of dream,
as if the sky, hushed
and utterly forlorn,
turned a pirouette.

I LET YOU WALK ALL OVER ME LIKE I WAS YOUR LITTLE DOORMAT AND I LET YOU PUSH ME AROUND AND PLAY WITH ME LIKE I WAS YOUR LITTLE TOY JUST SO YOU COULD FEEL THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF HAPPINESS BECAUSE I KNEW THAT WAS A FOREIGN CONCEPT TO YOU. I LET YOU TREAT ME IN WAYS YOU CLAIMED TO BE AGAINST; THE THINGS YOU SAID TO ME AND DID TO ME WERE OKAY WHEN THEY CAME FROM YOU BUT UNACCEPTABLE WHEN THEY CAME FROM MY END. YOU KNEW I WASN'T GOING ANYWHERE AND YOU HAD BEEN TAKING COMPLETE ADVANTAGE OF THAT KNOWING I WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU. I LET THE CIRCUMSTANCES YOU FELL UNDER BECOME THE EXCUSES FOR THE WAY YOU MADE ME FEEL; I EVEN MADE EXCUSES FOR MYSELF. I SLIPPED INTO A STATE WHERE MY INSTANT REFLEXES WERE SECOND THOUGHTS AND GUILT AND I BEGAN TO FEAR THE WAY YOU FELT ABOUT ME BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THE REASON YOU ENDED UP HURT AND YOU'VE GOT ME INTO SITUATIONS I WANTED TO AVOID AND PLACES I DON'T WANT TO BE AND I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO TELL YOU THIS AND IT'S TEARING ME APART.

t.m.