The tears left my cheeks hot and dry.
I closed my eyes,
but there was no escaping from you.
My neck burned from the absence of your warm lips.
My hands reached,
only to find empty air.
A shiver ran down my spine
as the coldness of the room hit my body.
The echos of your laughter teased my ears.
I opened my eyes.
Darkness enveloped me.
My heart sank down down down,
to my legs and my feet and my toes,
until it slipped out of my body and onto the floor.
I fell to my knees,
a sob escaping from my lips.
My hands flailed about the cold tile,
searching searching searching.
I touched something.
Something with five fingers
and warm skin.
I tried to slip my hand in yours,
but you were already grasping something tight.
You stumbled back into the darkness,
stretching the distance between us.
Only when you’re footsteps had faded away
did I realize that the thing you had been holding was my heart.

Sometimes,
when I lay in bed awake at night,
I stare at the empty space next to me,
and imagine you there.
Your curls splay out on the pillow,
your glasses slightly crooked,
your silly smile on your face.

Sometimes,
I imagine us staying up all night,
just talking,
and talking
and talking.

Sometimes,
I imagine you singing for me,
your beautiful voice filling my room,
lulling me to sleep.

Sometimes,
when I lay in bed awake at night,
And stare at the empty space next to me,
and imagine you there.
You whisper my name.
I reach out for you,
for your perfect hair,
your beautiful smile.

But then you’re gone,
and there is nothing but a pillow,
and an empty space.

One day,
I fell to the ground,
and couldn’t get back up.
I just collapsed,
like a rag doll
on the cold
hard
floor.
My tears fell fast,
but they were silent.
Dead quiet.
Softer than a whisper.
I thought no one heard.
I was wrong.
He did.

One day,
I fell to the ground,
and there was someone waiting.
He stood there
above me
like some kind of savior.
I stared at Him
through my not-so-silent tears.
I watched His hand reach out
Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.
For me.

One day,
I fell to the ground,
but I didn’t stay for long.
I grasped on to Him,
to His strong hands
and His warm smile.
I held tight,
because I wasn’t ever going back there.
Not ever again.

It took me long time to start writing again,
so I started by lifting my pen.
Keep it simple i said,
and in a second I was inspired.

At one point I was frightened I might not write again, or find the time.
I was in a different place and the moment changed in a second, and in my mind time was mine again.

Life took over and work just became me. Some choose to and some have to, it's a crying shame.

Now I'm close to where I need to be,
So I can be free and enlightened and back to the moments that I'll always hold closest to my heart and soul.

So those targets and goals were temporary,
but it turns out it's not what you have but who you are that remains permanently ingrained in your memory.

You can’t win, these thoughts can’t have me.
If it’s mind over matter, what thought matters?
Do you talk to yourself like me? Or do you get worried like me?
Who do you see inside of me? Is it me? Or the ones within me?
I’ll never know nor will I ever understand, but these thoughts keep me up all night
It’s an ongoing battle, never knowing when I’ll see the light
However, there’s never a dull moment between myself and I
But self can’t have me, only I can have self
And Bipolar can’t destroy me, how can it?
When there’s many me’s against one disease.