On our first date
At the movie theater
You told me your hands were cold
So I would hold them
And keep them warm

Now my hands are cold
And your presence lingers
In a scent
On my sweatshirt

When I was sad
I asked you to hold my water
and as I emptied the glass into your hands
you began to cry
seeing me with the empty glass
the tears falling
into your open hands
you created a lake between the seams of your fingers
nourishing it with your own
and when I finally held my glass out again
when I had the strength to carry it
I asked why you were crying
you told me
"I merely hoped my tears were enough to make you see the glass a little more towards half full"

and that's when I knew I didn't deserve you

after you left
i couldn't stop feeling your touch all over mine
and i could feel the pressure
of your sweet addicting lips
and the pulsing beat of your heart in my veins

and a week after
of sleeping alone
i tried to cut you out of my skin
and no matter the amount of blood that ran
or the number of times i've blacked out
you're still in my veins


you won't get out

something about you
your lips met mine
and I know you could feel my
breath
hot and ready
panting and aching
I could feel the need
inside of me
I didn't know what to do
I would've kept kissing
but my lips couldn't
I felt like I was
doing something wrong-
tongue doesn't belong there
my lip hung, waiting for some
type of control
that I know you won't give me.
I still wanted to feel you
your heartbeat was quick
everything felt so right
your lips on my neck
the wetness in between my
thighs
my silent laughs
because I couldn't believe any
of this was happening to me-
let alone me being okay with it.
I hate being touched
by foreign fingers
it brings up memories
of him making my hands
go into places I'll never
speak of.

but, what is it about you?
is it thy lips
that make me quiver?
is it your eyes
that hypnotize me
every time i see them?
is it your heart
and the song that sings just
for me?
or is it your soul
the one I'll never ever
compare to.

you give sweet kisses and
have the most beautiful
features I have ever
laid my eyes upon,
how are you mine?

Honesty
      shouldn't
           hurt,
                      Neither should love.

         But things
     don't
           always go
 as planned.