I’ve died a time or two
and had men try to make me new.
I’ve had my body dug up
by shovels and hands cut.
I’ve been sprawled out
laid down and washed about.
I’ve had tissue excised
burnt around the edges and cauterized.
I’ve been bled dry
left in the sun and putrefied.

I’ve been patched up
glued together and stapled shut.
I’ve had my hair brushed
face painted and voice hushed.
I’ve been gently dressed
socks clean and dress pressed.
I’ve had a role to play
lacking dialogue and out of the way.
I’ve been the perfect date
unnatural but one you chose to create.

in the beginning
you were the color yellow
like simple supple sunflowers
or loose leftover lemon drops
your yellow nature
soon turned to red
like raptured rusted roses
or cheeky clever cherries
after the red faded
you turned purple
like perfect plump plums
or lacy lonely lavender
deeper in purple you grew
until you turned blue
like idle isolated irises
or bloated bellied blueberries

then you went darker
and turned black
in the end,
i could no longer see your color
if you were still yellow
like sandy sunlit shorelines
or red
like ***** lucid longing
or purple
like regal reveled royalty
or blue
like salty simple seas

you were just black

My love grew for you
In the quietest of moments
It bloomed with every stolen look
You took from across the room
It started off small
A butterfly here
A flutter there
Until it enveloped me
A cocoon of doom

You were birthed blood orange
Arriving out of the blue sky
Violent and lovely in color
Bursting with ***** hues
Tinting everything you touched
With a tinge of wantonness
Puckering loose lips
With tighter fists
Heating the ground under foot
Singeing palms on thighs
Igniting fires of desire
Thought to be extinguished

But as quickly as you came
You waned into a purple haze
The backdrop of a lazy sunset
And coasted along the shoreline
Until you turned midnight blue
And faded from memory

I hope my love catches up to you
In the quietest of evenings
As you lay in bed
And think of me

I hope it creeps into your bones
Until you can barely move
Settling in and spreading forth
Silently fracturing, piece by piece

I hope it seeps into your blood
That flows deep in your body
Flooding your veins with regret
Clogging your arteries with longing

I hope it lingers in the air
Gently filling your lungs
Leaving the taste of me in your mouth
The residue clinging to your teeth

I hope it grazes your skin
Raising your hair on end
The softest of shocks
The lost feeling of my touch on your fingertips

I hope it warms the place beside you
And leaves an indention that was never there
The weight of the ghost of me
Long gone...that was ages ago

I had met you once before
Years ago in high school halls
With backpacks and bustling teenagers
Acne and doubt plaguing the lot of us
A place we said we all hated
But the figurative watering hole
Of our small Texas town
I paid you little to no attention
Too self-absorbed to see you
And seemed to have lost you in the shuffle
Of weary letterman teens

I grew up
And out of that Texas town
Fell in and out of love
And struggled on my own two feet
Trying to find a home and heart that fit

I met you again
In the airport at luggage claim
With backpacks and bustling people
Fatigue and nerves plaguing the lot of us
A moment I played in my mind
Over and over again
And when I finally saw you
Bright-eyed and in love with me
I found you again in the shuffle
Of weary jet-lagged passengers

I fell in love with you
In that very moment
And as you held me against you
I found the home
I was always searching for

you burned down
like the end of a cigarette
singed my fingers
with your flame
but you died out
with every breath I took of you
and left me with only ashes
to show for it