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thomezzz Jun 2018
So many of these words have been about you...
I've written them during my darkest hours,
in the middle of the night after too many drinks,
that were accompanied by too many cigarettes,
after I had tossed and turned for what seemed like forever,
with you stuck in my head; those lingering aftershocks.
After listening to so many sad songs with the volume too loud,
I opened this computer and put down how you made me feel,
typed out the words that I never got to say to you,
poured out all the sorrow, and regret, and mistrust;
the jarring color of it, all viole(n)t red.
Let it soak through the keys and bloom into this portrait of you:
A picture of who you really were...a snapshot...a Polaroid.
And now that its finally tangible,
I can see all your sharp edges and black shadows
and how much I wanted to smooth you out and cast a light.
I can feel everything I wanted you to be
and how much it hurt when you disappointed me.

I hold your picture in my hands that I created with my words
and think about the all those depths you brought me to...
All those nights I spent wishing things were different.
All those hours I spent wishing you still loved me.
All those minutes I spent wishing I didn't cry over you.
All those seconds I spent wishing I never met you.
And I think I finally have the strength to rip you apart.
And forget you....for good.
thomezzz Jun 2018
I’ve been called beautiful

By a boy barely fourteen

As he held my hand

In an alleyway in my hometown

Fast forward six years

As he held my hand in an airport

He told me the same thing

Through eyes filled with tears



I’ve been told I was loved

By a man halfway through his twenties

As I sat in his passenger seat

And I looked away smiling

Fast forward five years

As we sat crossed legged in our empty apartment

He told me the same thing

After he asked for my key



I’ve been called a lovely chaos

By a man I never really knew

As he laid next to me in bed

And brushed the hair out of my eyes

Fast forward two months

As I looked him in the eyes for the last time

I told him the same thing

As I begged him to stay
thomezzz Jun 2018
Yellow, flaxen hair lays like a tumbleweed on your upper back

And your shoulder blades pucker the skin between them,

Highlighting that birthmark you've always hated.

The cotton blend sheets cover you so strategically,

Leaving just the half-moon of your breast exposed.

You must be cold because goosebumps line your arms

Creating a passage in Braille I'll never be able to decipher.

The milky-white skin of your back rises and falls with your breath

And as you exhale, one singular strand of hair blows in the wind.

 

But even with your head turned the other way,

I can picture the freckles fall across the bridge of your nose

And see the furrow in your brow with each passing dream

I want to reach out and lay my hand on any part that is you

Feel your warm skin against my calloused hands

But to touch you would wake you

So I let you sleep
thomezzz Jun 2018
You’re like putty in my hands

Malleable and supple

But no matter how hard I try and mold you

Into the image I have seared into my mind

You melt under the hot lights

Never willing to hold your shape
thomezzz Jun 2018
I thought I could fit love into a box
And stuff all of its contents into one container
Set it on a shelf and pull it down when the timing was right

I thought I could label it
And categorize all the feelings, people, places, and things
Use colors to code it; all the yellows, reds, and blues

I thought love was black and white
And it either existed or it did not
Waited patiently for it to return when it slipped from my grasp

I thought I could stifle it
And smother it until there was no room to breathe
Hold it down and watch it take its last breath

I thought I could salvage our love
And rescue it from the depths of the deepest ocean
But there was no saving us.
Instead, I just let it go.
thomezzz Jun 2018
After too many drinks and not enough time,

We ended up moving in the dark of a bedroom

With New Order playing softly in the background

His eager hands on me, my reluctant mouth on his

Pieces of clothing thrown carelessly around the room

His hot breath on my neck, my hands spread across his back

I ended up sleeping with someone else.

And in the heat of the moment, you crossed my mind

Floated from the back of my brain into my vision

A crystal clear illusion from the past

Completely intangible, but I could still feel you

The love we shared, the lies you told

How your hands felt against my skin

How my mouth felt on yours

The man I fell so hard, so fast for

But also the man who broke my heart

And that despite everything you did to me,

All I wanted was this man, here with me in the present, to be you.
thomezzz May 2018
I'm in love with love
With the crushed velvet
Smooth smudgeness of it
Sheen all contained
The frantic flurry of it
The way your breath
Felt on my neck
I'm in love with love.

I'm in love with love
With the cotton puffed
Soft taste of it
Sticky and sweet
Salty crunch of it
The way you melted
Against my tongue
I'm in love with love.

I'm in love with love
With the deep blue
Rocky waves of it
Unknown and forlorn
Forgoing abyss of it
The way you slowly
Pulled away
I'm in love with love.

I'm in love with love
With the dusty grimy
Rough edges of it
Anger ablaze
Feelings discarded of it
The way you left me
Alone
I'm in love with love.
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