i felt misplaced on this earth
and then i found home
in your heartbeat

the butterflies in my stomach
turn to wasps in my head

i felt so empty inside
that i would rather feel like dying
than feel like nothing
so when my old friend came back
i greeted him with open arms
and it was comfortable
for a little while
but then it became unbearable
and i wanted him to leave
but i couldn't make him
and when he finally did leave

i felt so empty inside
that i would rather feel like dying
than feel like nothing
so when my old friend came back
i greeted him with open arms
and it was comfortable
for a little while
but then it became unbearable
and i wanted him to leave
but i couldn't make him
and when he finally did leave

it would be so
easy
if we were numbers and
figures
but how boring would it be
if we could calculate
each other

i feel like i see
all the things that
you don't

every time I see a, or any
part of
you
my heart hurts,
aches

out of sight
out of mind
but i can’t erase you
traces of you
linger
everywhere
my whole existence somehow
intertwined with yours

maybe it’s just that
you have a piece of my
heart
- it’s unbearable

I long for either
someone else,
to take the rest
or for you to take,
what has always
belonged
to you

maybe you
and i just were
n’t meant
to last
a friendship i
s a two way thing

maybe you forgot

i sit here
with a heart that is
burning
it's burning fiendishly
for acceptance
and love
for happiness
and a future
and you're a carrier of water
just like me
but you don't extinguish my fire
instead
you pour alcohol on it
and then you leave
me

i don’t sleep enough
he wakes me up
in the middle of the night
wanting to discuss what happened
and what might happen
i don’t sleep enough

why do you put a clock in the room
if you really only live by
your own perception
of time

you smell like
bad decisions
and cigarettes

it hurts
to feel good
it feels good
to hurt

i don’t care
if you cut your hair
you’re still there
for me
aren’t you?

i don’t care
if you ruin our garden
we’re still here
for each other
aren’t we?

i don’t care
if you ruin my hair
i’ll still be there
for you
won’t i?

maybe i should care
but then again
i don’t
do i?

i fell into a deep grey void
and i can't get out
there's no sky
nothing but emptiness here
but i can sense the other side
so i scrath the walls until my nails bleed
red
i'll never reach the colours outside
so i'll settle for the red blood that's appearing
in my attempt of trying

my oversized shirt
is my own little tent
it’s big enough for the both of us
but i won’t let you in
i’m not playing hide and seek
i’m just playing hide
so leave me be
in this tent of mine

why am i scared of the dark
when i know that i’m the light
won’t i shine bright enough
or will i scare the dark away
i am so scared
please don’t go
i need my light
and i need my dark
without them
i am nothing
but a shell

from birth
the cup is filled with water
dust will and can land
directly in your cup
but fear not
for it goes to the surface
stones are a whole different thing though
they weigh more
than your water in your cup
they’ll push it out
leaving you
with a cup of stones
and tiny spaces with water
that used to be clean

my bond
to fictional characters
come from the lack
of real people

i picked up the phone
just to hear nothing
but within nothing
i heard your voice
- you chose to be nothing

sweetie do you see
the resemblance between
your heartbeat
and your life

i see the cracks in your brick wall
it’s okay
my walls have damage too

imagine
writing a book
bhuuff

i have written words
in the same pace
as my history was being written
i tried writing my past
as so many had suggested
and yet
it never worked
so i started writing my future
and look where i am

this that
this this that
talk is cheap
and the language poor
the only thing rich
is action

i keep this love
in a phone case
that’s how we do it today
is it not?

they tell me
i won’t get anywhere
if i don’t follow the rules
but honey
**** it
i want to be everywhere

i aspire to be
a breaker of
standards and norms,
expectations and obligations
so that you can live
in peace and quiet
in harmony and happiness
but to do so
i must first
break my own

the hallway seems so dark
way too dark for me
i need to pass through
to reach the next door
but it’s so dark
so so dark

they told me to take pills
so that i would get better
now i'm taking pills
and i'm only getting worse

the hole in the wall
has my eyes spellbound
i see nothing
and everything

you
of all people know
that true anger
can’t be explained

why would you shape my mind
to fit your mold
how could that be interesting?
how could that be fulfilling?
i guess it’s subjective
how you treat your subject

i would give up
the thrills of a
thousand lifetimes
just to be yours
for a single day

still to this day
when i am unbothered
my mind strolls
to a single thought of
you

i frame out an apple
and i frame out a pear
but behind it lies
a world
- my world
in despair

i'm gonna show you
maybe not today
but one day
i'll show you everything that
you lost
when you treated me
as if i was nothing
a stranger on the street
all this beauty
all this fire
will be spent on
someone else
and i hope your heart crumbles
when you see
everything that you
pushed away

i love darkness

you can't see me;
or
i can't see myself

in darkness i am finally
okay

Will I ever fall in love
and be truly happy,
or will I just fall
and be truly lonely.