I hate my genes
Being in front of a grandmother that has forgotten her own name
And then watching my own father follow her footsteps
Seeing the days go by while they are stuck in the past
In a time where forks and spoons were nameless tools
My grandmother lost the ability to even speak
That was before she left us
She left us not with a smile but with a set of eyes that had glazed over
Eyes that couldn't see the future and couldn't remember why
And when she finally parted ways she did so in her sleep
Because that was all she did anymore
And now today I had to remind my father
That we could not go visit her
And that I was not my sister
And he laughed a pitiful laugh saying he knew
But that night I heard him crying from across the house
Because he knew that he'd end up a broken story
That his years of learning the worlds history was useless
And that he couldn't even remember his own
Or why he got up
And he had forgotten why he was crying
He had forgotten why
So he just fell asleep

You looked at me like I was a god
A being filled with beauty and hope
But that is not love
That is admiration
And I can't kiss you at night knowing that
Even if what I feel is the purest of love
I know that you need someone that doesn't make you kneel and pray
But someone that will stand on equal ground
That will cry and laugh with you
And that isn't me

I've always hated ending things
When I was younger I always left a single sentence unread in a book
Because that way I could say that the story wasn't over
The story wasn't finished and my imagination could thrive
But as I got older books became more serious
Characters died
I couldn't have that
Death meant the end so when a character died I would stop reading
I'd say the plot didn't interest me and throw it away
And this ideology took over my life and I procrastinated
I put things off as long as possible
And then when my grandfather died I did not bat an eye
It was just like the books I read
'Nothing happened, just don't bring it up'
I did that, every time someone died
Someone got hurt
A story ended
I avoided it like the plague
But what do you do when someone dies in front of you
When you hear the shallow beat of a dead heart
And when that happened I wept
Not because of something so ridiculous as a death
But because I realized I had turned into someone that didn't care
I had watched someone die
And the beep of the dead pulse only annoyed me