O divine lover
heart liberator
with magic in your eyes
and the purest of hearts

i don't deserve you

but i love you

when does
an internal rebellion
become
an external one?

when does
bravery
overcome
fear?

when does
the truth of my heart
decide
the words in my mouth?

my ultimate betrayal
to the one i love
is pushing him away

i see you cherish
i feel you loving

these things give me hope

for my tiny rebel heart

my
little
world

is a deep
chasm

dive
to the bottom
with me

i don't
care
if
we crash

today i feel you
this magic love
resonates like bass
deep in my chest
presses gently on my heart
a reminder
we are here
we are alive
we are love

understanding
emotions
through
touch

i don't know
what to hope for anymore
except
an answer

all
of your
self fulfilling prophesies
(that i once defended you from)
drowning in fear
insecurity
weakness
and ultimately
your soul’s darkness

are
coming
true

and
it’s a
relief

to let you
be
what i see

and
for everyone else
to
know

you are
those things
not because of who you are
but
what you allowed yourself
to become

you did your part
and then let me go

only problem is
i'm still holding on

your love is beautiful
(in theory)

our union
is magical
(in theory)

this love
will
last forever
(in theory)

love born
in fire

burns away
all doubt

you took my screaming heart
into your gentle hands
and then
all was quiet

so much easier
to catch something
than to let it go

(letting go is inevitable)

the weight
of my mind
feels heavy
these days

i really did think
for once
my hope would turn into
reality

real things
don't last

nothing.
lasts.

Stacks of pencils
Lined the shores
But no one could write with them

They used all their words
And cut off their tongues

How will they tell me

Chop it all off I said
Strand by strand
Each pain goes away
And comes back
It never works, **** I always thought it did

You once tried to kiss me
In your living room
I cut off your head
And that chance didn’t i

I burned that bridge
And now I want to cross it!

Come find the string
That holds us together
I never saw it
I even tried to gnaw it off

I bet if you pull it
We might end up in the same place
Sing some songs for me
Put your voice in my ears

Tell me what you really feel
Because I know you’re lying

of course
i did

and

of course
i always
will

hope
disappointment
and hope again
always hope again

woke up
in a sea of calm
yesterday's gloom is gone

warm sunlight
pulls me out
from hiding

for a moment
i can forget
my aching heart

you thought i was going to work
but i went north instead

driving fast around the curves
until the road's end

i have to get to the top
to the highest point

it's the farthest i can get from you
and the closest to the sky

maybe the wind will just
******* away

each time i find the strength
to release this stress
it comes back to grip me
even tighter

this sadness
grew today

the wringing
the tension

a black hole
reducing me
to nothing

memories
and
daydreams

both like smoke
elusive
and fading

my heart
always grasping
for more

will our story
be told
in a dream
or a future memory?

is one
more real
than the other?

don't you see?
me?
are you listening

i cannot be me
until you recognize

all.the.things
in life
are calling

am i out of line?

why haven't you knocked

on
my
door

here's the key
i'll leave it out
underneath the dirt

wind blows it all away

passion is my middle name
you must have none

are you that scared

of what i cannot see

must i live these years
identically

repetition
breaks my heart

i had the notion
that you were not the same

can you feel this rhythm

it leaves my hands
and ventures out
into the unknown

catch it while you can

life and time are allies

sometimes they love the thorns

i’m lying
everyday
to keep
us together

3 years ago
i cried on a bathroom floor

(that was the first time i cheated on you)

my freedom
scared me
but

now
it sustains me

none of this
is real
until
you make it real

people are starting to notice
our hidden love

no one knows
where i am
right now
except you

i give to you
what's left of me
and what you give back
is a newer,
golden
me

my tolerance
for soul-crushing
is wearing
very thin

you soften me
with calm
you smooth my roughness
with ease

heal me,
love

my love
cannot be contained
it fills the universe
with my heart's song
for you

you're not here
we aren't anything
this isn't real
i'm not your problem

my body is scared
of something
my mind
doesn't yet know

did you have to lie
like me?

does it now
come naturally?

a small price to pay
wouldn't you say?

timing is
never wrong

just have to
figure out
why
it's right

i don't think i can do this.

deep breaths.

he's making it hard not to hate him
he doesn't even see me
he is a stranger now
his eyes are dead

deep breaths.

he makes me
scream
cry
hate

he is turning me
against myself

deep breaths.

i can get through
i can resist
i can keep aiming high

i can achieve
my happiness

deep breaths.

i get high
to cope with life
so
what's the point?

are you
a dream?

so i guess
what i'm saying
is

i don't
believe you

it doesn't work anymore

words with no meaning
hollow smiles

actions of empty hearts

i tolerate
i cope

but
i have no more love

sleep deeply
let our love
sink in

you think
your irreverence
makes you authentic

actually
it makes you
stupid

the path
to freedom
is
on fire

renewing love
like a fountain
overflowing
over
and over

the way you look at me
keeps changing

your eyes tell
     how deep
     how much
     how precious

we embrace now
like cradling this gem-of-a-thing
like savoring a rare,
                           fleeting,
                           wonderful,
                           incredible
                           experience

we know

with every whispered word
every glance

you transform me

i am watching myself
bloom

i am
your flower

marriage
erased me
blinded me
from who i was

now
like a new discovery
i found her

cool breeze blows through
it’s that familiar feeling
where only a fresh start will do.

daily distractions
over time
are forcing a fade
of my focus
on you

however
against
my will