i’m lying
everyday
to keep
us together

if
you're not
going to jump
into the fire
with me

if
you don't feel
this burning

if
it doesn't eat you up

if
i'm not enough


then
please
go
away

devastation
doesn’t quite say how deep
this shattering
of my life
is

the path
to freedom
is
on fire

i thought of you the whole way up
the way we laughed last time we were here
and you walked first
to catch the spider webs
i took a photo of you
with the sun rays shining down
from between the fluttering leaves
the wind carried your voice
so i couldn't hear everything you said
as you walked ahead with more speed
than i wanted
like you were trying to get away from me
and like i am now
always trying to keep up
while you're slowly moving
away

i should have made you stay

none of this
is real
until
you make it real

i know that
i just broke your heart
and i'll admit
that mine broke all over again
even though
it seems to have been breaking
over
and over
for the last 12 years.

i will say
that
each time
it got a little easier.

i saw your tears
heard your voice
with desperation
you
trying to grasp
the end.

for your first time.
and for that
i am sorry

you're not here
we aren't anything
this isn't real
i'm not your problem

the anger
turned heavy

this morning
waves
of sadness

are drowning me

no one knows
where i am
right now
except you

how many times
are you
going to leave

without
saying
goodbye?

i guess
i'll keep looking
for you-shaped things
to fill this you-shaped hole

but

heart
knows
the truth

that

i'll never find
another
you

you soften me
with calm
you smooth my roughness
with ease

heal me,
love

you know
the limitations
you see
in your life
are created
by
you

did you have to lie
like me?

does it now
come naturally?

a small price to pay
wouldn't you say?

did you ever
fall in love
when
you weren’t
supposed to?

so i guess
what i'm saying
is

i don't
believe you

are you
a dream?

my love
cannot be contained
it fills the universe
with my heart's song
for you

sounds of rain
distinguishable drops
surround us
huddled inside,
sounds of passion
feeling hidden
invisible
free

the most
authentic
path
answers to
no one
other than
the one

people are starting to notice
our hidden love

renewing love
like a fountain
overflowing
over
and over

how can i have
made this vow
that
(supposedly)
lasts a lifetime

yet

i had no idea
what i was
agreeing to

it doesn't work anymore

words with no meaning
hollow smiles

actions of empty hearts

i tolerate
i cope

but
i have no more love

i'm cheating
on you
you're cheating
on me

what
a
coincidence

did we just
agree?

to you
this
is already
planned out

it's everything
we expected
it's a mimicking
of the same scene
over
and
over
until
it's just a word now
without any meaning
only the boring context
we built around ourselves

well i reject
your worn path
that goes blindly to the grave
your hollow words
that didn't mean anything
until
someone else
said them to me

now
i know
just how empty
we are

daily distractions
over time
are forcing a fade
of my focus
on you

however
against
my will

i give to you
what's left of me
and what you give back
is a newer,
golden
me

your face
against mine
heart races
faster than my mind

beautiful you

an easy kiss
a hard goodbye

a simple,
sudden
shout

an interruption
i can't stop
thinking about

unexpected
and abrupt
and beautifully
uncorrupt

imperfect self
demands
perfect love

i know what you look like
when you’re kissing me
with your eyes closed tight
because
I peeked

it hurts
seeing you
become better
for
someone else

it was
never
me

it was
never
meant
to be

where
did you find
the strength
and
can you share it
with me?

when you kiss me
like
desperately pulling in an anchor
i’m ready
to drift away
with you

i get high
to cope with life
so
what's the point?

sleep deeply
let our love
sink in

how many times
did i push you away
     (but i didn't mean it)
and how many times
did you come back anyway

marriage
erased me
blinded me
from who i was

now
like a new discovery
i found her

i felt you
last night

your touch
calmed
me

i hope
you're alive
and happy
and better
without
me

ensuring the future
expression of my fantasy
requires
that you
stick around

my heart is
a full moon

can you feel me
shining
on you?

unexplained
magnetism

the joy
in possibility

freedom
of the future

more
moments with you

soon

cool breeze blows through
it’s that familiar feeling
where only a fresh start will do.

when you look at me
i become
a shooting star
sailing across the sky
soaring
away
spreading our light
everywhere

depending on
how you see it

and assuming
you believe it

the way to
receive it

lies in the
beautiful
way that you
leave it

tonight
only you
will
do

i'm waiting
for you to slow down
this seems to cause
a torrential downpour
persistent
in strength
defying
my wish