Check the phone for work
Check the phone for love
Check the phone for friends
Check the phone for time
Check my pulse for life

Terrible ***
More awkward
Than a latex dress

A ******* mess
Empty bottles
And signs of distress

Unwise bets
Loveless ***, lots of girls
More regrets

I ******* feel everything
Numbed out thoughts
Thrown into the fire
Coming out reborn
Saying no to escapes
Saying yes to embrace
All these feelings
Ive been running from for so long

Tears running down my face
I invite them in
Fill this empty void
With a clear lake a mile wide
I’ve been plunging in
Not afraid of drowning
Because I’m learning to swim
Teaching myself how to live

The blows kept coming
I didn't know this
Was a fight

My tears kept flowing
Wrapping my arms
Around my head tight

Blacked out
Hair pulled
Hands on throat

Kicked
Punched
Pushed

Choked
Hated
Forgotten

Waking up
Sliding back
Into bed

You said
You had no memories
In your head

Letting it go
Free
Sometimes is good, it is better
In fact
Just thinking about
It
Watching it
Float out the window

It really does feel good

LA and SD
Are the body
What you see
On the outside

SF and the Bay
Are the heart
What beats
On the inside

Where are you
Have I left you out?
Are you hiding
Running
Escaping
Wanting to escape
At least give me a clue
Something give me anything
Let me know what's going on
Are we still friends
Where are you

Drip drip
Lips left silent
One wish
Don't waste it on tonight
Summer bliss
Forgotten over snowstorms
Remembering again
Holding your hand

The best part of waking up
Is when I get to fall asleep
Running lifeless in my dreams
Barefoot in the streets
Time kills my life
When all I want is peace
Lifeless in the AM
Until I grind up some trees

There's no rebirth
Without pain
But tonight
I'm really feelin it
My heart is breaking
While I try and mend it
But my sister
Gives me strength
Miles away
Giving birth

Things change
They say
Little do they know
History writ large
The formula
Cities must embrace
Lest we become Detroit
Cause no one lives in Detroit
Right
What's wrong with money
What's wrong with change
You mad cause I made things pretty?

See what you don't see
Are those things that hurt
Everyone you see
Your dollar signs
Pushed people away
That you will never see
So you'll never really know
What change means
When change is just chump change
To the game you're playing
To the souls you're taking
To the paper that subdues
Your conscience
Or maybe
You just don't get it

Going in alone
I feel blind
More used to you
Being by my side

These days
I take deep breaths
Just to keep
My head on straight

One step forward
Five steps back
How long will it take
To get over you

New sucesses
Other failures
All things that I miss
Sharing with you

That moment
When you realize
That you are
Nothing special

That there's
Someone else
That there's
Always someone else

To replace you
To be you
That has
What you don't have

That moment
When it sinks in
That you are completely
Human

Where did my baby go
She left me here waiting so patiently
The person who came back
Flaunts the same body
But those eyes are haunting me
Vacant of the love once there
Changed like seasons
You stumble around like a bad dream
If I feed you
It does not satiate your resentment
If I touch you
I am but hands through a screen

You yearned for a life
Without the corruption of greed
You sacrificed for the better
Of all human beings

Hot Cheetos
Over ***
There's more fire in msg
Than monogomy

Invited to pick gold
Like flowers
Under burial mountains
Enlisted to pave the way
Of a rich white land
Track by track railroad Titans
Scorned off the land
Shot cut and excluded
Rebel against the worker
Yet he remains
Builds a family over generations
And prospers
Places like San Francisco
Home to sounds of Canton
Chinatowns blossom
During times of political strife
The Chinese laid down civil rights
Later to again be realized in the 60s
The Chinese fought for civil liberties
Against exclusions acts and hatred
To find a place in this new home
WWII more families allowed
Thus things began to further blossom
Painting the town you see now
Chinese Americans
Proud of history contribution and culture
Bringing art food and craft never seen
Adorn the streets for Chinese New Year
Kids excited to eat
Time to receive red envelopes
Knowing history small and large matters
Those born in America from Chinese descendants
Home is where the heart is

Dragons
Dancing in the street
Everything
Draped in red
Firecrackers
Sounding off all around
The parade drew the crowd
Until it swelled
With appeciation
For their culture

Discarding fear
Coping with anger
Finding beauty
Choosing poetry

Accepting love
Rejecting hate
Embracing consciousness
Choosing poetry

Seeking warmth
Allowing support
Understanding another
Choosing poetry

How rare
Love really
Is

I guess
I never
Realized

Consuming it
Like a
Joke

The joke
Is on
Me

But I
Still need
It

Sounds of
Hurried steps
Pound the pavement
Making me nervous

That man
Eaten by the city
Ain't lookin pretty
Big limp
Bigger frown
Up late nights
Up early mornings
Assimilate
Smile
Or try
You will get eaten alive
Not to romanticize the country
Or the burbs
The city is beautiful
If it's for the people
Not for the profit

For the purpose of sanity
And reflection
Climb the nearest hill
Stand on it
And stare

             Beautiful
         Be                 To
  Will                         See
It                                      Life

Here I am
Staring at a portrait of myself
What has time painted
What memories are to come

The soul bird city sleeps
While my dawn dust eyes peek
Cracking open as my window
Light flooding out of my eyes
Dream-scaped colors illuminate

Laughter
Is the best medicine
Seriousness
Is toxic poison
Reality
Is the comedy
Professionalism
Is the tragedy

When friends are talking down
When your girl's not around
When you feel all alone
Just wait for me
I'll come home

When your feet have lost their way
When the sky has closed its gates
When you feel all alone
Just call for me
I'll come home

Sometimes that's just how
It feels
Walking down the street alone
There is someone sitting on the sidewalk
Who doesn't have their home
As you go to yours
Your mom yelled at by your
Father every day
Brothers and sisters beat up
By familial ties
Tying you down
Till what happens you get up and go
Turned around
Flip yourself upside down
Your friends kicked out of the city
As rich ones move in
Who cares about the people
Only the people
Who have someone to care about
Not some thing
Not this ring or that piece of land
Some person who they can share their heart with
Bring it back to the bottle
Drown it all out
As your bones get weak
Your body breaks down
Pour it down until you're nothing left

Free healthcare
Free education
Free housing
Free transportation
Free from classism
Free from racism
Free from sexism
Feminist, anti-racist, socialist, communist, anarchist
Destroy the private
Rebuild the public
All for the people
Down with tryanny and oppression
Down with capitalism

I guess I should
Just take my time
In trying to find you

Except that every day
I feel my heart break
Thinking about the time I waste

Maybe that means one day
It will finally lead me to you
The time I spend wishing I was asleep

Stuck in the worst dream
I feel tears stream down my face
Hold my hand while I try and escape

What did the alcohol ****
Besides all of your friendships
Your liver and will to be healthy
It killed your desire to fight
Left you in a puddle of ****
Covered in money
You smell like ****
But you're rich
That alcohol made you weak
You dropped your picket signs
Your ability to organize
Went straight for the paycheck
Whiteness kept you sheltered
Your class status kept you fed
You replaced fighting for the people
With drinking for no purpose

I guess you work
Until you die
In the meantime
Waste away on tablets
Sell yourself
Until you're dry
Only hope for life
The love of another
Rather than of all others
You work and then you cry
Because you realize
That all you ever did
Was make someone else money

Where did we
Come from
Our mothers
And our fathers
Why do we censor
Our discontent
With women
And men
What's wrong
Being positive
What's wrong
WITH ***

Let my fingers
Dance
Up and down
Your neck
Feeling your smooth
Soft finish
Let me pluck
Each string
Gently, forcefully
Depending on the song
But please
I beg
Let me grasp you
With both my hands
Feel you against my body
Fitting like a puzzle
Let me play
That double bass
It's been so long

This play
Has many acts
No disparate steps
That end in a result
An orchestra of events
Carefully planned and practiced
Carried out in sequence
With the final act
The meal
If these parts aren't cohesive
Cut and chopped into confusion
Your finale will fail

I’m sitting there, just thinking, thinking about you
About my life, about the bottle, about being high
Again you slip, back into my mind, thinking thinking
The music that replaced, the empty time, that would have been
Shots after shots, sip after sip, until I’m blind
I had to get up, take a breath, and leave the room
I floss and look, into the mirror, and smile hesitantly
I fill my lungs with smoke, close the bottle, and go to sleep

The things
That people hate

Like myself
My personality
These days

What will we
End up doing

Im still
Waiting
To find out

The words she spoke
Were not kind

I said no
to writing a poem
so go away

Poems ****

What's in my head
It's not pesticides
But it cuts as deep
All in my head
My body starts to leak
Zombiee

I bought a fish
And watched it swim for days
Put in a little bowl
Swimming its life away
I wondered what it was like
To be so incomplete
Alone in a bowl
No world at your feet
Consumed I became
In this solitary way of life
One hand to feed you
The other to give you light
It wasn’t before long
I started to grow gills
Locked up my door
And said goodbye to the world

I cry at work cause I feel the pain
Everyday I see it coming down
Everyone sees the feeling of hopelessness
Cracked out babies laying on the sidewalk
Rise with the masses
Don't try and be a rocket on this earth
Leaving your friends and family behind
The community is all we know
The further you go the less you know
Listen to the one that teaches an endless lesson
What you are searching for exists inside
Don't run from the love of others
When you realize that getting your own
Meant leaving your own on their own
Strip down to your real skin
Keep your heart to the concrete and feel it beat

Cry like a girl
Cook like a girl
Dance like a girl
Smile like a girl

That night when I dropped
Acid on my tongue
I transformed into
The softest rose

Line your eyes
When no one's looking
Paint your lips
When no one's looking

When I was four
I picked up a tampax
Confused about why
There was no where for it to go

Stuck between wasting away
And going out to struggle
For the people
Always for the people
Break through this prison I create
Weighted down lungs full of liqour
Liver full of rust
Hangover next morning’s kiss

Yay I can post poems again...
Wasn't working for a while

When you feel fresh
Fresh faced
Faced with fresh challenges
Willing to forget
Trying again
Trying something new

Dreaming all day
Dream all night
Before I go
To sleep
Dream all day
Dream a reality
Into existence
Then go
To sleep