i feel as though
all i am is a second choice.
im never good enough,
and am never able to give my voice.
they just yell,
and scream,
and curse.
then tell me how the other one
is so much better than the first.
i am the first.
it started on what feels like a long while back.
now,
all i am is the one,
the one who with a heart split in two, with a giant crack.
they caused it,
but i am too sensitive to say,
to say how much I still hurt.
i now feel as though,
my light is burnt.
i am tired.
i am hurt.
i will not give my voice,
for all i am,
is a second choice.

im weak
i didnt realize it until I had gotten so mad at myself I needed to scream
i grabbed a pillow and shoved my face into it
i couldn't scream
i couldn't do anything
i just laid there
pillow to my face
tear stained
quietly breathing
voice shaking
thats when i knew
i was weak
and since then
i haven't been able to go back.

i do love you.
i love you more than any words could ever describe one concept.
because my love for you is not a concept.
it is more real than my body and mind themselves.
and I drown every morning, every night, every second.
i drown in the love i have for you.
my love for you is more vast than any ocean, than any heart, than every heart.
my love for you is yours alone.
yours to keep.
i hope you know that.

she's always there
like a shadow
you don't need to look
you know she can't leave
"youre my bestest friend"
she says
"bestester"
it's an on-going game
"I love you more"
"most"
"moster"
no winners.
because she doesn't need to win.
she'd let you win.
because she's your shadow.
she's mine.

She danced.
She laughed.
She fell in love.
He broke her.
She cried.
She smiled.
She started it all again.
She walked.
He grabbed her hand.
She fell in love.
He broke her.
She smiled.
She started it all again.
The cycle went on.
Everyone noticed but her.
They all knew.
But she was the one who couldn't see.
She fell in love as often as leaves fall off a tree during Autumn.
All the time.

No.
I guess
I guess I
I just stopped caring.
And it never came back.
I was done.

I grab it.
I look at my arm.
Push it in.
And think of the beautiful harm.
As the blood drips,
One drop
Then two.
I stare at myself.
And think,
What did you just do?