Watch out for the potatoes.  They will find you, and they will smell you.  When they taste you, run.  You will have infinite time to escape, so go while you still can.  I won't hold them off!  The room is white, I am not.  I am a very light brown, like all "white" men and cats.  Except cats, of course.  And polar bears.

What I have for you
A thirst for your touch
Unquenchable even with the most heated movement
Burning deep
What I have is not any want
No, it's a need
I need you
Badly
And I anxiously await the moment my
Hunger may be sated
Even momentarily.

Subconscious
Under your conscious
Lurking
Waiting
Manipulating
Manipulated
By small things
Big things
Nonexistent things
I'm curious
What mine has
To say.

For some reason
My favorite words
Are violent.
Rip
Tear
Gouge
Splinter
Hollow
Etc.

Sometimes
When everything is wrong
And I should be angry
Fighting
Escaping
Rebelling
I am not
I am at peace
I know this peace is not mine
I know where it comes from
It relaxes me
Supports me
...
Wipes my tears

An embrace I long for
That I witness and I want to cry
Because I can never truly share it
Not the way it ought to be anyway.
I constantly want to build towards it
And I want it more than anything I think
Joy in the air
And the most loving embrace.
I wish I wish I wish
How we are is great
But I can't help wondering where we could go.
I just want that embrace...

It's times like this
When I'm in pain
Without a visible end
That my faith is strengthened.
Because I believe help is coming
Even if it never will.
I know it will come
Because hope is never bad
And my faith is boundless.

Everything going on in my life
Doesn't feel like
My life.
I feel like I'm constantly
Pretending
Acting like someone else
Someone kind
Someone caring
Not that I'm not
But it all feels fake
Somehow

I'm falling away.
Someone catch me

Please

We talked on the phone
Not even for long
And it was mostly silence.
All I could think
All I can think
Is
I love you
Kaydee, I love you
I love you, I love you.
You're so amazing
I love you so much
I can't hold it in.
I don't want to hold it in!
**I LOVE YOU

Walking during the dark night
My faithful friend trotting at my side
Adventuring the night away
Nothing can stop us!
Onward!
We will conquer the world!
To victory!
Glory!
We're going to be the very best!
Like no one ever was!
To catch them is our real test...
To train them is our cause!
Every challenge along the way
With courage we will face!
We will battle every day!
To claim
Our rightful place.

I do not write
To express my feelings.
I write
To find them out.
Because I can't keep up
With my mind
And I don't know
What I think about.
That is why I have no drafts
Because I want to know
My raw feelings
Unedited.

I fall for you constantly
Every day when you walk through that door
I look like I'm sitting
But I'm falling
More in love with you.
After all, a fall never hurt anyone.
Just please don't be a sudden
Stop
Because that would **** me.
I'm falling too fast to survive.

When I grow tired
My words change
Morph into some sort of
Eloquence
At times
Sheer emotion
Tearing pain
Ripping my body and soul into
Thousands of tiny pieces
From words I myself write.
I wonder
Should it count as some type of
Self harm?
No it shouldn't
Because your writing hurts me even more
And I love it.

*I guess I like it rough.

She
Is there
for me.

I
Hope
She will not leave.

I
Am there
For her.

I
Hope
She knows this.

Sometimes running
Sometimes in the shade
Sometimes herding
Sometimes wanting to play

Always happy

Last night
I had a dream
A demon at the window.
Though I got him to leave
I am awake
And suddenly afraid of my own shadow.
Dreams do not often mess with me
But I am truly afraid
Though it was but a dream...
Wasn't it?

Emotions
Why shouldn't they be kept bottled up?
I wonder.
I do it all the time.
If I feel bad
I have ways to relax.
Quite a few
In fact.
Does that count as a
Release?

It really gives you an appreciation
For the things you hate to do
When you are unable to do them.
It gives you an appreciation
For what you don't notice
When it hurts to notice them.
I want what I cannot have
Yet I still dream of you
The most unreachable thing of all.
Hidden away in your tree
In your books of things that many
Don't care to learn
But perhaps ought to.
A smile that brightens my day
Show it to someone
Fight these people tearing you apart
Show them your happiness
That you've shown me.
Enchant them
Fill them with wonder
And awe at your sheer
You  - ness
Look at this amazing world we take for granted
I know not how you see it
Nobody knows that
So show them
Show them with your life
Breathe it
And continue to amaze us all.

I don't know you
You've said that I don't before
So much I'll never know.
I'm not pushing you away
Am I?
I hope you know
I tell you more than anyone
Even if it doesn't seem like it.

I am not going to write
About everything I love
About you.
Instead,
Everything I hate
Or even dislike
Is as follows:

The chill seeps in
Freezing my bones
Slurring my speech
Extinguishing the heat that fills
My body
Slowly removing me
From it

The cold is always reaching for
An embrace
But it only may embrace anything
Anyone
For a little while
Until clinging to something
Pushes the one being clung on to
Away
Forever.

There is so much
To say
I want to express myself
Who I am
But it isn't easy
To bare your soul
To express a feeling
A person
If you are unsure of it yourself.

Who am I?
To call you out
When you run from the light
Who am I?
I shouldn't feel responsible
But I still try to help
Who am I?
Just because I know what is right
Doesn't mean I need to enforce it.
Lead by example

The other guy
Deceives me
Makes me worry
But I know where to look
To find peace

I go to bed
And I wait.
I wait for sleep to envelop me
Overriding all of my connections
Taking over my dormant mind.

I wait
I wait for the dream you want us to share
The dream we've both had
Repeatedly.
Tonight, shall we share it?

I'll be waiting for you
In my dreams.

I want a lot of things.

Food.

Water.

Friends.

Family.

Shelter.

Comfort.

Li­fe.

Love.

Understanding.

Money.

Experiences.

Joy.

Fellowshi­p.

Yearning.

Knowing other souls.

To help others.

Time.

But what do I
Really


*NEED?

Though the thought is
Tantalizing
And I really want to
I can't.
At this point it's
A bit too much.
My faith agrees
But it's not fully that.
I am sure I'd regret it
And I'm glad you understand.
Yet another sign that we have a healthy
Relationship
Is your understanding.
Thank you.
*I love you.

I see the cycle
And well, it is terrible
When will this crap end?

For some reason
Tonight I feel
More alone than ever.
I feel sad
But I'm not sure why.
I can't focus on anything
I feel like I messed something up
But I can't say anything to anyone
And my love is asleep.

It would be useless if you did anything
Anything at all
Whether or not it is beneficial to anyone
Because if you do it without love
In who's heart could it ever be real?

I am an expert
At running away
I enjoy the exhilaration
That it gives me
But perhaps that's not the only time I
Run away.

I miss you, you know
"I don't want you to go!" It
Makes me miss you more

The day gets worse
I am angry for some reasons
Guilty for others
And my optimism for later is gone
I hate this

I don't cry often, but
I feel too close

Nothing major hurts
Not right now
A couple scratches here and there
Bumps and bruises
Physical and mental
But overall
I'm okay.
And that's okay.
See, that's when I'm at my best.
I can relax
And let my soul pour out.
I feel at peace
So I can have new ideas.
Gain new confidence.
Love more freely.
Embrace more openly.
Stop and think before I move.
See, I will always have minor pains
Aches
Scars even.
But they aren't what is on
My mind.
So I can have free reign
Over my thoughts
Emotions
Body
Impulses.
I am in control.
I am at peace.

Sometimes I just want to
Jump
Out the window.
Not to **** myself
Never that
I just want the rush
And I want to escape this place.

As a writer, there is only so much to write
Before long, every interesting metaphor and
Violent word will be taken and used up.
It gets old to write sad or dark things
And happy things require happiness to pen
Joy imbued within the ink.
There is simply not enough
And it always feels like pretense anyway.

You asked
A while ago
For deep conversations?
Right?
Well
I delivered
Somewhat.

Where is my silence?
I cannot find it
Where is my innocence?
Never to return
Where is my comfort?
It seems eternally amiss
But I have nothing to complain about.

Hey
I love you a bunch
It's been almost 3 months
You're an amazing person
I know you've been worried
I think we're ok.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I can't express it.
I try.
But I can't.
It's impossible.
I have this love for you
It's amazing.
Uncontrollable.
And now
That I am not
Wandering
From MY faith
I will have more
And more
And more
Love
For you
And everyone.
...
I love you.

I love you
And you love me
You know,
It still seems like a
Foreign concept.
I don't quite understand this
"Love" thing
But I learn more whenever I see you.

The way to be philosophical
Consider anything
And then think
Aren't we all....
Or
Everyone's got a little bit of... In them
Really
Aren't we all poets?
Everyone's got a little bit of poet in them...
Just a thought.

Sometimes I wish
That I could cry.
Sometimes I feel
Irredeemable.
Sometimes
I feel like the worst person ever.
I think...
I am.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm...
Sorry.

It's getting late
In fact
I'm the only one still
Awake.
I'm changing that now
And not by waking up
Someone else.
I'm going to sleep
I reach to turn the lights
Off.
But suddenly
I realize that I am alone.
I realize how reliant I am on sight
I start to imagine things
Impossible things.
Following me.
Patiently.
Just beyond my sight
Wherever I'm not looking.

What are they going to do?
Take me?
**** me?
Transform me?
**** me?
I don't know.
But.
Just to be safe
I turn the lights off
In a way that I can
Always remain
In the light.
Until finally
I turn off the lamp at
My bedside
And hide under the blankets
Which somehow protect me.
I realize now
That I am afraid.
Afraid of the dark.

Real love is
Knowing the worst thing about someone
And being okay with it.
Does your
"Significant other"
Know yours?
Do you know theirs?
And is it okay?
That's how you know.

Is it possible to die
Without dying?
Of course it is
The world did it

You know
You keep having to change your alias
And though I know it every time
And memorize it within hours
Every time I go to this site
It asks to go to Kestrel.
My computer is idiotic.
Will you ever go back?

It takes time
To get into the state
Of mind
Of my mind
To write my thoughts
And observations.
As I write
The words begin to
Flow
And I have less control
Though I choose every one
With care.
...
Funny how that works.

Give me a word
Any word
Because I have none
Give me a word
For what you're thinking about
For what I know
Give me a word
Because your words can
Bring mine back to life.

I read a book here
She would be really proud of
Me, doing what she likes

As I prepare to return
I feel a familiar sense of
Dread
But also
A familiar sense of
Familiarity.