Recreated over and over, just to get away.
I can not keep doing this,

The walls are closing in.

I have no place to turn to if I can not
Tell
My story openly.
Tell my emotions without being judged.
I know you care,
But some things, I don't want you to know.
I will talk if I want to.

This sense tells me there was a mistake, something
Someone found. Maybe I didn't want to be found.

It seems like we are slipping. I don't know why, but I feel like I have to hold on tighter.
It is okay if you want to leave, if I am suffocating you,
If I offend you.
But if there is no reason, please tell me how to make it better, I am worried.
So much has happened.
I've lost my mother to insanity and too much worry.
And maybe I am being lost, too.
Tell me if I am. I want to be found.
I want to be saved.
I am sorry that I am scared. I just worry sometimes. I have been diagnosed with multiple things by few doctors, therapists. Suicidal depression, OCD, anxiety, paranoia (not severe).
If it bothers you, I can find a way to change back to who I was.
I don't know if I like my new self, I know I've changed a lot.
I am terrified.

So sweet, so smooth, so perfect.
Did I ever tell you that's what your voice is?

The beat, beat, beat of your heart reminds me
Of the thunder. I love it so, it lulls me to sleep
Like the drums in a tribal dance. The sweet beat
Shaking my head, ringing in my ears and
Telling me a sweet bed time story of
Men playing cards and getting drunk.
It's strange that you remind me of my father, but
You do. You are not drunken and borderline abusive
And he isn't either, at least, not anymore.
But you match me like no one else ever will.
I can hear a poem in you, like a sweet song that sends
Shivers through my limbs. A song that makes me
Want you like I never have before.
Physically, mentally, completely.

Mirrors speak and I see you behind me.
Here I am, standing ****,
Frozen and warm.
Arm twitches and I begin to dance,
Strange sounds emit from your perfect lips.
Beats sound from beneath my breast,
A heart that stopped
(Or almost did).
Twinkling lights shine on my body,
Reflecting from your eyes, dear.
Demonic, angelic voice I sing,
Hypnotized.
And we are bewitched.

Just that smile. The nervous voice and the awkward hug.
You stole me away in those short moments.
Almost six months ago now.
Time flies, and if that is true,
I might as well be Time herself.
Because you gave me wings.

I laid in my bed, staring out my broken screen window,
And I thought of you.
The stars in the sky remind me of your mind,
An endless galaxy of thought and memory.
I dreamed with open eyes that you laid next to me,
Whispering small things in my ear
And gently tracing the scars on my arm.
The small blisters covering my skin
Throbbing and sensitive under your calloused fingers.
We could talk about the little things that make life great,
Or you could kiss me senseless.

These hopes and thoughts repeat every night.
The imagery and technicolor thoughts leave shivers
Running through my entire body. I know you dream of this, too.

I read your message and I felt your sorrow. I shed
Tears for you at that table, in front of everyone.
It is a tragedy that someone you love is gone, but
I promise, we can help you get through it. Your friends.
Your surrogate family.
I am saddened. I mourn for you as we'll as the rest of us.
I am sorry.