I can handle my life
I can stay where I need to be
But when I get behind
It's practically impossible to catch up.

You know
You keep having to change your alias
And though I know it every time
And memorize it within hours
Every time I go to this site
It asks to go to Kestrel.
My computer is idiotic.
Will you ever go back?

Am I too nice?
Or just run by the societal expectation
That you hurt nobody?
The 1% that care enough to be silent
Almost every time...
I would never hurt myself
I am hurt enough by others that that is never a problem.

Kaydee Elizabeth Koshenina
I need you to know
That I love you
And I always will.

As I write
I am only just waking up
And I had a dream
That scared me
I don't know why
Perhaps it was a metaphor.
Perhaps unrealistic thoughts jumbled together.
Something had happened
Though I still know not what
And humanity had fallen.
I had found a group of people to be with
You were with me, love
I was so relieved
To have you near me.
Many months passed
Our little group of survivors
Huddled
In dimly lit sewers
Awaiting whatever fate may bring.
When out of the corner of my eye
I saw you walk out
Failing to mention to anyone where
You were going.
I of course went after you
Ignoring my fear of the scattered heaps of machinery
The darkness, movement in the night
And as I ran
I caught a glimpse of you
Seemingly talking to the air
Yelling at it
Asking why it was back to haunt you
After you thought it gone
All this time
And you began running
Screaming
Crying
And I ran after you.

I could no longer see.
But I knew you were there.
I dived and caught you.
I whispered to you that
You are not alone
And you do not have to face things
On your own.
I would give anything
To see you happy.
And suddenly, I was no longer looking through
My eyes.
Just an onlooker
Who happened to see you return
Alone
But it looked like a weight was lifted
An old scar healed
And I think I would've been glad.
Had I still been by your side.
I know not if this means anything
The sheer amount I think about you
The medication freaking out my body
I just know that I feel uneasy
A sense of dread fills me as I write
And I do not know why!
It may be meaningless
But I had to share this.

Worse pain than this sickness
I endure
By being separated from you
On today of all days.
Well, our six months is just a month away now.
I'll make it up to you.

It's times like this
When I'm in pain
Without a visible end
That my faith is strengthened.
Because I believe help is coming
Even if it never will.
I know it will come
Because hope is never bad
And my faith is boundless.