dehydrated catharsis:
he's drying up by
roadside cabals and
lost in his longing and
harrowed halls


meet me in catatonia,
where my birds tweety tweet
and it's beautiful and sweet
yet it's not quite complete,
for it's sundown on the west side
and the trees' visage remind me of you
so I look at your pretty beauty
and you calm me and my mind
a last thing for the end
I'd lose every of thought to you
and your kindness

take a drag from your spirit cigarette
a kiss on the filter, your lips of scarlet
the moonlit night, a chilled wind of air
a loving sight, your beautiful hair
amongst the felled leaves
with their purpose to fall,
slowly dancing upon
the brief hint of winter's squall

I dream of you by my side
and your name calls
as I look upon the sky
I feel you here yet you whisper
through silence
I wish you were here
to speak up to their violence
and although I turn cheek
to make it 'no matter'
visions of my creator
are hard to discern through
the chatter

there's a love so close and
so clear it's
like telepathy.
no matter how far
or how long apart
I'd still like to know
what it is that's on
your mind
and within
your heart

I have become your fears manifested.
Abandoned beside the love I have given.
Just like them, the true nature of those fears, I'm hidden beyond your mind; to then emerge unchained.
detached from burden.
away from that grasping, vampiric latch of weakness.
instead, with it, I dance.
A two-to-tango love, that free movement of each and every one of those deficiencies shining through in my body writing the story of my life; feverishly, and frantically kicking, spinning, springing, jigging, and getting truely down without a pre or post disgression.
uncontrollable.
yet under your careful watchful eyes.
"i'll shoot ya a kiss love,
a wink will tell you more than enough."

I got good at giving bad advice.

Patting backs and pushing them one step forward.

Until at the cliff
where one leads running into their own somersault flight
of the risk of the failure that there a dive.

I felt weightless
within this plunge.

Had faith the waters
will feather the fall.

I knew I could always climb back up
to go again,
to walk the same foot path my friends and I had stepped into creation.

i was in a terrible dark place
among unknown terrors
and i held on so tight
i suffocated you.
i don't apologize for it.
i apologize for not being more for you in hard times; i had to strengthen and decipher the hieroglyphs of emotion.
and i hope you'd forgive me, for not listening in my survival instinct, for i know how much i can be for you now, listening so closely to your heart that it seemed everyone else passed by.

how much can i stand
to lie down alone
cusping and gripping distractions
to hopefully randomly fall into sleep
instead of stay awoke to the gnawing sense of one heartbeat?

like liquid seeping into the well of my soul. the stagnant bayou waters that wish to deny my will to go on. infesting pathogens familiarizing itself with me only in own weakness in a muddy stench. how does one find again their love when its lost?
the impression on my chest need be filled with some one.
else my arms tatter in under-use and famine.

what is so wrong with the name ana?
I dont understand it all
and I can get quite emotional;
but,
Ana.

Sometimes your wisdom supercedes me.
It's hard understanding you to my wilds, but there are truthes that
glimmer gold flecks as much as your.
I'm up in debate nowaday whether it even be good or right to ever stake you a piece my mind; only if you've the same I suppose. I just wish someone came along to save me for once- to invade my sense and lay me home. I hope my worth would speak through myself; that my very nature be loved and nurtured by a warm touch.

The importance of I
casts me aside.

if you strive in some way to fight
for what's right,
then in some odd way,
you are.
some things are done in ignorance,
not malice.
love is understanding in its own plight for good, knowing everyone's pure heart will shine through in time and in time of grace.

you watched me like a specimen
as I ripped myself open to you
in every inch
of my infected mind
without a word you gazed
upon something that had fallen
so far from grace with a curiosity
of a morbidly astounished
passerby.

you were better than you mocking me
like I'm just an excrement,
better than you playing pretend that you love me
and ensuring the most gain
of my ensured loss
from the plans of your getaway

I've called to God so many times
in maggot infested trenches and
the only answers were
ever in my prayers,
someone must be there
to treat me right
respect me
so that I may try to love
again.

For now it's a disgust
to try for anyone's lips,
a deep despair in the
theory of your embrace,
some shame like it a stain
upon my name.
but these old ways slowly
wash away with
each day,
my past of a broken love
drains down the drain.

and if you were here to stay
if you wanted to be by my side
and you were here to stay
to love me right everyday,
I'd take you to be- be you as you may.

I have the most unbridled confidence in my love for you I know I reach out only to return with nothing but closed doors, But I'm never dissapointed. I am stalwart. I know as long as I am alive I'd take your hand in hold if you'd have me. I have faith that I am your brother. Have faith that I can be a lighthouse. And that I am a light. I can never give up those that I'd be lost without; without them on this blue beautiful earth.

it was such a light rain today
that it was practically a mist,
I could barely feel it on my skin.
I'm hopeful, but then I'm doubtful.

I'm not worth much to you anymore.
a thrown out poem
a burnt letter
a scribbled note

is there an
are you sure ?,
a confirmation of your deletion,
atleast a reason for its completion ?

I miss it like snow in summer,
a longing for that season.
I'm lonely and tired and waiting
for it to feel like you are back
in my arms.

I used to deny myself death
as i was learned inflicting it
  would send me to hell.

I guess it saved me

I still bathe in that wish.
counting as they slowly wilt away,
  my white pedals of ash.
   the reward of risking the whole flower.

The more you understand love, others, and its power connecting with others,
the more they see the
part of themselves they still hate.
And they will hate you for it.
Cracking unseen decadance in a deep cave blessed by a pond, inside
(or rather itself), a mirror of
fire anger and pity;
pain abuse and loneliness;
loss death and destruction.
dipping into decades of refractions of
faces, and what lied beyond their eyes,
even more sullen than thine.
I've always known how I feel.
Love always reigned in my life.
The Touched, a community,
at this time plagued;
curse themselves to sleep.
A line of misfortune.
and with it all I still bask
in all of the cosmic confluence,
reaping its infinite knowledge of light.

Stars shimmer in the ink-black sky,
A cosmic dance, a lullaby,
Eyes upturned, to heavens we glance,
In the universe's eternal expanse.

They're like dreams in the night's embrace,
Glimmers of hope, a guiding grace,
Diamonds scattered on cosmic thread,
A story of life, when they're overhead.

Oh, the beauty of stars that gleam,
Each a wish, a whispered dream,
Twinkling secrets in the night,
A canvas of wonder, pure and bright.

With constellations as stories told,
Ancient myths in the skies unfold,
They remind us of worlds unknown,
Infinite mysteries, yet to be shown.

A celestial ballet, they perform,
Upon the Earth's edge, they adorn,
like a necklace of pearl or twinkling
stones,
Guiding the sailors, the lovers, and the poets too,
Stars are always there, a connection between me and you.

the marble man had courage
when he chiseled away
  the shape of his heart

forms crack from the Craving.
sunkissed sea stone, solid but weakened.
the curse outside can't match the ones inside.
angst gifted by nature's euphoria,
dark core evolved into a white magnolia.
wicked spinstress: an honored misfit.
here in these dreams is a focused image.
the reality, no protection; neglect from a timid god.

I feel she's letting go,
I'm still a part of her drift.
she's been watching and
hoping for me-
another angel of my guard;
she will find me in someone
else lovely,
and he will
be her
reminder.

hold me in your arms-
as tender if we were
to leave tomorrow evening.
for i want to know the future,
but we always die so
suddenly.
please understand,
you deserve it just as
well.
find me;
where I am
within any other.

on my chest she prayed;
i prayed too.
aloud, sometimes, i needed
the prayer read aloud
to you.
i was so unknowingly
hurt before you came;
the scars that
lie beneath
this skin shirt.
i am lonely
in this old place
that is now not
next to you.
at the least of it,
at the most of life,
i can be alive and free and
unchained in front of a
cloud of misery.

my sister's marital love defined dance to me.
a young child putting every ounce of all his frustrated confusing pain into an astonishing life full groove,
channelling loss into beauty.

my failed love, i gifted you
a part of that soulful movement,
hooked by my confidence and
the love we were to give and understand together.
and together we did until
we stepped too ******* eachother's toes.
all his hurt from his grown heart, her sweetness from her, that now switched to her sour, and the power she pressed on the cracks shall be how i break dance.

my best friend, you added boats to that monument.
i fell into your dream
textbook revaluation
of reality.
all his complicated feelings
held so tender, in stillness
like they were heaven-sent
accomplishments to only overcome.

my best friend, hold her tight.
she deserves it just as much as me, our broken hearts had reel from the same grief. the sad truth i know, i can take this alone.
we danced until we couldn't.
in time, i'd gladly take your hands for any last dance, if you are in looking for a partner.

there's a banquet of demise
in the sanctum of goodbyes
where the dance of lovers' eyes
leaves little sorrowed lights.

a victim of disguise
in persona's darkest blights
where a parade of trophy wives
free their bodies in the night.

who has befell me
has gifted me grief,
has caused my body to lie
in a needed slumber

what is missing
in my heart full of love ?
what has
filled my lungs
with desperate breathes
and made everything
a sloppy mess ?

how do i cleanse this ?
ive purified my ends,
means matter more i suppose.
I lack the love I once had.

when will I be me again ?
because I feel it.
the mirror suggests otherwise,
but i try to look past it.

the mud in my heart painfully
grows mold.

in the brisk of winter's
black silent nights,
I couldn't tell if you were the snow or the stars.

you were a part
of the darkest time in my life

a double agent
too liberated

do you still like to hurt?
its the only way to stop yours

oh mother of mine,
storm in my mind,
bring the thunder !
bring the rain !
I gave myself two
weeks of sadness-
that's all I can allot,
I promise;
        I'm sorry...

In May, may we ?
Don't say nothing- no,
don't say no.
Do you know you are the one that I
would write for ? So there
in May, may I ? So I may have every of my page have your name ?
For I feel this consent,
yes- I do. so please, don't say no-
for then I may not,
even when I can;
and maybe even
when we should.

grieving, praying to her.
tuning the ear to every word
she could say no longer.

in the hospital bed
they struggled
in pain
until they found
a new life.

past reality died that
day, and with it,
something else was born-
peace, love, and new beginnings.

the neural pathways i etched,
plotting course to a proverbial gun-cabinet,
haunt me in this labyrinth.
some ideation in the fantasy
tastes too keenly of my premature sour superfluous sucker.
too easy, too early, of an out.
i say the same for you.
enjoy the there-after from the time here-before.
i will go eventually, but i won't,
i can't,
**** in my suicidal tendencies.
the final bastion of pride that i will never allow to cease;
-

she ran when she felt
what such sweet silk
could come from
such dark linens.
drove away by the
fullness of his singing
heart and its flushing into
her cheeks. it was his
curse. to lose all that they
ever knew precious from
the sounds of his own
mouth: how he had
to watch as they left.

a knowledge to one's shadow
does not strip them of light.
the wicked rights
one could deem
for the wicked wrongs
happened to have
threatened me to
a submission
of power's abuse.
a prison was never my
purpose,
but maybe my solitude.
hell was never my home,
but the enemy I had to respect.
hard to stomach
our own consequence;
with only bile
to tinge the heart,
and that god seems to serve
only justly.

i will have moments in time
i'll recall being in a place of one of some
pre cognitive dream.
wondering, why and how i have been here before.
and for where and when i'll see another of that type flag in my journey

depth of horizons
hands climb higher
hands wary lower

There are hilly horizons.
Hazy, smooth.
Pine- hard prickly foliages.
Barrens and fields. Endless lungs
                             spread for multitudes.

   Rich pink wind castle staircases
   Lush blue water ballet pool
Our heavens are leaking. Our chase is like a spiral. like a dance. like a dive. like an ascent.
we sink deeper.
we float lighter.
which of any of this is just
our own wonderland ?
who's to take credit for
all this love ?